How do I deal with a very strong-willed 6 year old?

Question

Prompted by one of the responses I will add that if I wanted to know how to deal with a bratty child, I would have asked. I do believe there is a difference - some may disagree. If so, please do not answer this question. Also, being a PARENT is a continual learning experience and anyone who feels as though they know everything ought not to be on this site or be a parent at all.

Answer 1

I have an 8 year old that is very determined :)

I use a point and demerit system. There is a chart on the fridge with a lot of little squares on it. For every day she has not passed 3 checks she gets a star. These stars collect and can buy rewards. At the moment 15 stars are a trip to the dollar store and she get's 1.00 to spend. Additional stars can be earned with age appropriate chores or if I see that she has learned a particular lesson well (ie she set the table without being asked, jumped in the shower when told the first time etc). Every 25 stars will get a big prize- out to the movies, out for ice cream, a local park, a day at the museum, whatever! This helps me out too because whenever she asks for anything it can be put on the list of the things she can earn.

Ocassionally I do get her a present, but not very often. I want her to know that sometimes she will get stuff just because she's special and she doesnt have to earn absolutely everything,

There are 5 rules we are not to break. These are the 5 lessons needed to be learned first. Any breaking of them will earn a check. We only get 3 free checks which serve as a warning. At the forth check we begin to earn consequences... All together we have 8 checks for the day and five of them have consequences that go from bad to worse. We came up with these consequences by making a list of the things that are important and valued by the child. Having tv time, bike riding, picking out a movie at the video store, video games...you know what your kids is into. The rules change according to the lessons needed to be learned but they must be learned thoroughly before a new one is introduced. And all changes are made during family meeting time. This gives her the sense of being valued and respected as a member of the family. Her opinion counts.

Well this is what worked for me...
Good luck!

Answer 2

I am a fairly young (32) mother of 4 children, the youngest are 5 year old twins (boy and girl), a six year old son, and a 14 year old daughter. My sons are very strong willed but the girls can be just as strong willed at times. Offering choices has always worked well for my husband and I. For example, if our one (or all) of our children are being demanding, pushy, or putting up quite a bit of resistence to what we require of them, we tell them that there are two consequences from which they may choose. Although the consequences for which they choose as a reprimand for bad choices differ according to age, the goal is the same....to have the kids understand that there are consequences for bad behavior while also empowering them to make decisions....teaching them to make good decisions for themselves--not for us. When behavior has been good, the smaller kids get marbles deposited into their own tin cup. When the cups are full (all three must be full-this teaches teamwork-encouragement of one another) then they can each decide what family activity they would like do. A vote is taken and the majority rules. Of course things are a little different with our teenager...she is rewarded with a new book or a trip to a friend's house...I hope this helps

I'm not a perfect parent but I solicit advice...just as you have. The advice I've received hasn't necessarily fit our style but we've modified it and so far...it's working great.

Answer 3

I would show consistancy and have firm boundaries in place.

dont break their will - they may well need it later on in life - where would we be if winston churchill or jesus christ or martin luther king were weak (broken) willed?

over time you will earn their respect and will bend their will to yours as a parent without the problem of them being lead astray by others when they are older.

it is well worth winning those kinds of battles with your child earlier rather than later so that you can harness your child and direct them into positive things rather than let them set your agenda. this gets harder to do the later you leave it

Answer 4

okay first of all i ask you this when you get on to him to you repeatedly say things over and over agian and get no response and then give in and let he/she do what she wants if so theres your problem you should never repeat your self more than twice if you have to say it a 3rd time to correct them it punishment time i belive in spank your kids butt. okay but some parents dont there are other alternative like ground them to there room take away there privalage cant come out unless have to potty thirsty or time to eat it worked for me when i was a child and it will work for your just stay firm and say what you mean and stick to it

Answer 5

Consistancey . . . Let your yes mean yes and no mean no . . . no matter what.

I used to be a nanny . . . and this is one lesson that I can honestly say really works.

No matter how much they scream for something or demand it or stomp for it or ask for it . . . I consistantly said 'no' and never once altered my decision.

This no only teaches the child that that they can not have everything it also teaches them to respect you and eventually when you say 'no' or ask them to do something . . . they will not question it as much.

I suppose it all boils down to being as strong willed as they are.

good luck!

The results I promice are worth it.

Answer 6

My outlook on this is a strong mouth deserves strong arm muscles! Make them do push ups. My 4 year old hates them. He can do about 15 before he starts to cry, so usually make him do 20.

Answer 7

love, empathy, logical consequences for negative as well as positive behaviors, LOTS of opportunities to make choices (that are acceptable for mom and dad) so that when you need to choose something, it is easy to say, "I'm sorry, you get lots of choices, now it is mommy's turn to choose." Stay out of power struggles. Stay away from bribary. There is a fine line between positive consequences and bribary, but bribary is: "If you pick up your toys, you'll get a candy bar". Positive consequences are, "Thank you for picking up your toys, now dad has time to read you a story."

Answer 8

Clear, consistent boundaries and HIGH expectations. Always expect them to obey--the first time--and if they don't, let them know, clearly, what the consequences will be. Then follow through!! Most important that you stay in control and let them know that YOU are the parent. Your children will rise to the expectations you set for them.

Answer 9

You have to show your child that you are stronger and they can not step over you. This by no means, means spanking. Just talk, but be very firm in what you are saying and they will get the point.

Answer 10

Do you mean strong willed or bratty, first be honest about the problem?