First one who makes my laugh gets10 Pt's.?

Answer 1

Mailman's Last Day
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you.
I asked him what to give you."
He said, "F__k him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Answer 2

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied: a can of peaches. The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6. The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail. Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the women's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. He said, "What is it?" The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

Answer 3

Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 4

If you want a laugh, try wickedjester.com, they have some funny t-shirts (and some others too). While you're there, buy one! Look for the one that says "Nuttier than a squirrel turd" because if you think we're all going to sit up and beg for ten points you definitely are!!!

Answer 5

When my daughter was three years old and we were in Toys 'R Us, she was walking ahead of me and turned the corner to go down another aisle. She yelled out to me, "Momma, I have to go potty!" I then asked her if she could hold it; she then yelled out, "But Momma! It's inside!!" I then turned the corner, laughing hysterically, to see a big yellow puddle on the floor and her hand down her pants. OMG I'm laughing so hard right now...

Answer 6

The Old Maid

There was once a lonely old maid, her only companion was her dear beloved tom cat. One day the old woman decides to go to the attic and give it a good cleaning. She and the loyal tom cat are working away when she finds a lamp, Hum she says this could be nice, so she begins to polish the lamp.....POOF.... out pops a genie. He tells the old woman, "I can grant you one wish."
She doesn't' t hesitate and tells him, "i wish my tom cat was a tall dark handsome man." POOF.... the cat becomes the most handsome man ever! He takes the woman in his arms gazes lovingly in to her eyes and says............"Now don't you wish you hadn't had me nurtured."

Answer 7

Why didnt the redsox come to the Popes funiral?

Answ: Cause they beat the hell out of the Cardinals

Answer 8

I have a secret:
While making my husbands lunch today I accidently dropped part of his lunch on the floor. I picked it up, dusted it off and put it back in the lunch sack as if nothing happened.

Answer 9

a lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address....
a couple decided to go to florida to thaw out during a particular icy winter, they planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent thier honeymoon 20 years earlier, because of the hectic schedules. it was difficult to coordinate thier travel,schedules so the husband left first and flew to florida.on thursday with his wife flying down the following day. the husband checked in to the hotel. there was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a email to his wife.however he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error sent the email.mean while, somewhere in huston, a widow had just returned home from her husbands funeral. he was a minister that was called home to glory following a heart attach. the widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. after reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. the widows son rushed in to the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:
TO; MY LOVING WIFE
SUBJECT; IVE ARRIVED
DATE; OCTOBER16 <2005
I KNOW YOU ARE SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM ME. THEY HAVE COMPUTERS HERE NOW AND YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SEND EMAILS TO YOUR LOVED ONES.IVE JUST ARRIVED AND HAVE BEEN CHECKED IN. I SEE THAT EVERY THING HAS BEEN PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMARROW. LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU THEN ! HOPE YOUR JOURNEY IS AS UNEVENTFUL AS MINE WAS.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here.

Answer 10

there are 5 guys on a plane a german and italian and janpanese an american and an iracian. the plane has too much weight and the piolet says people have to get off. the german says for germany and jumps off, the italain says for italy and jumps off the japanese say for japan and jumps off the american says for america and pushes the iracian off.

sorry to all iraq people