how can i stop the disrespecting attitude and hurtful treatment from my step son who is 9 yrs old?

Question

i have spoken with his father and his mother and they both know what going on and they are both trying to fix the problem. i get get along with my stepson's mother. so that really not a problem. i have been his my step son's life for over 3 years. i have tried timeout, and the taking away his toys, etc. but i just seems to be getting worse now. we have gone to counceling. and i'm pretty close to being at my wits end. my husband backs me up with his son, and that helps a little, but the minute his dad goes somewhere and is not in listening distance thats when the BIG *** SPOILED BRAT comes into play. my step son is not stupid, he is always on his best behavior when there is anyone else around. he shows alot more respect to everyone else but me. i'm soo confused. what is the next step if any??????????

Answer 1

all this drivel is pathetic! oh yes! pray that the knee biter is gonna turn around, put on a halo and bring you breakfast in bed!
GET REAL LADY!

KARATE SCHOOL!!!! are you nuts? pay somebody to teach the kid that doesn't like you, to kick your butt!! makes sense to me folks..... NOT!!!

as a stepchild, i can tell you, watching my stepfather defer to my mother whenever i smarted off undermined him more than anything. you may be "just a step" but you have been placed by his father into a parenting roll by his own will.You accepted that roll by your own will! now, the honeymoon's over and there are responsibilities that come along with it. and right now, you're going through the trial by fire. welcome to it.
that kid is being a petty little tyrant, because he's getting away with it. if he hurts your feelings, he wins. boo hoo. he's nine and that's the name of the game. so far, he's winning.
don't step down from a nine year old, it gives him the authority. stand up to him, on his own level. if he calls you a name, you call him a better one.if he calls you a really good one, laugh! if he yells at you, you do it better. don't let him win! he's treating you the way nine year olds pick on the new kid in school. fight back! don't just stand there and take it!
didn't we all say "when i'm all grown up, i won't have to take anymore of this crap" well here you are taking it.
you can't intellectualize to a kid that has no basis for comparison to understand your adult angst emotional-babble.
revoke priveledges, pull rank

my favorite phrase "i'm mom, i win"

You're (step)mom, you can win too
but above all, show him you think he's silly about it all. have a sense of humor and maybe he'll realize how silly he is being too.

Answer 2

Well, I know all about 9 yrs old boys with disrespecting attitude and hurtful treatment to others. I have a nephew who was once the same way. I think that the best answer is to put your step son in a karate school, there he will learn discipline, he will gain character, and above all he will learn to control his attitude, and build up respect from everyone around him, which is probably one of the reason he behaves this way, lack of attention may be another,and lets not forget that he may be rebellious because of the absent parent, so try to get him to understand that you are not replacing the absent parent but that you'll be there as an extra Friend if he ever needs one...But do put him in Karate School, I'm sure that will help out a lot...

Answer 3

You need family counseling to resolve these issues. Its extremely difficult for a child to except that their parents aren't together. No matter how hard you might try you will never be his real mother but with time and patience maybe you could gain his respect and he might even be your friend. First realize where he is coming from and realize that you are in control not him. Your spouse needs to get into the game as well. You need rules and boundaries. You need to know that he probably isn't really Satan's child just a mixed up hurt boy that is taking out all his hurt and anger on the person his father chose to be with. Again family counseling get it all out on the table and work on it. If not now what will happen when he is 16,17,18? Good luck

Answer 4

Don't approach the child yourself, whatever you do! Like it or not, you are just the "step" parent. If your husband See's you "correcting" his son, he might get a little defensive. Also, because father and son have been together longer then husband and wife, your husband might start to favor your step-son's side on small issues that could develop into big issues. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel when your step-son acts that way towards you and let him handle it. Don't let him yell at the boy because that will make your step-son think you are turning his father against him and the boy will act out more. Tell your husband to talk to him calmly and reasonably. You guys are a family now and in this position, you have to work together and come together. I hope I helped.

Answer 5

Take his interest, pc, television, toys, or some thing else he likes away, dont let him bypass out or play mutually with his friends until eventually he get better appropriate and tell him that your provide him his issues again at the same time as he understand you and end yell at you , You gotta let him understand that you're the mother and he's the son and that he has to understand you no remember what or you'll punish him, and some thing continuously must be in his way!! Come on!, he's largely 8 years previous, you may't let him manipulates you!! you'll see that issues will replace for reliable for you and your son! merely punish him that way if he save disrespecting you! desire My answer ought to help you! and reliable success with your son.. :)

Answer 6

I totally understand how you have to feel; I teach school and disrespectful kids can push my buttons pretty fast. It's really all about power. In my experience, kids who are purposefully disrespectful are trying to gain power over you (if they can control your emotions, they win) and they do this because they don't feel like they have any personal power over their world. I just get totally determined to win, and I win by staying calm, and showing love despite their hurtful behavior. Instead of yelling, talk quitely. Instead of reacting to their words, say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but you still have to -----." Instead of jumping at reactionary statements, try instead to look at the problem behind the behavior.

Your new son is afraid that you are displacing his other parent, that his relationship with your spouse will change, and that he will be powerless in his new situation. He's also likely angry still about his parents' break-up and the resulting chaos in his life. You can head a lot of this behavior off by giving him some power. When you are choosing things for your family, ask his opinion. Offer him chances to choose (Do you want to do your homework first and get it out of the way or would you like to play for a bit and then handle it after dinner?). Let him know you consider him to be capable and you respect him, his needs, and his choices. In time, if you are consistent and loving, he will come around. It might help you to realize that when we are our most unlovable is when we most need love. I'm sure this is true for your son.

Best wishes,
~Tia~

Answer 7

I have a son who is 11 and I have the same problem. He is not a step son but I think the solution may be the same. I find that if I get offended or mad it makes it worse. I ask him why he said what he said. My son smarts off and I reply "Why do you say that?" in an even questioning tone of voice. the first time he was so shocked he coldn't say anything.

Answer 8

You can't. That is the bio parent's job. It is one of the hardest jobs they have. Many of them shirk it.

Some people use "stepson" loosely. If you are just the woman his dad is sleeping with this week {month, year} - that is, he hasn't married you - he doesn't respect you much either, and his son is taking his lead from his dad.

You won't be able to reason with him for another 4 - 6 years; he is too young. Get the bio parent to lay down some simple, easy to follow rules and report every infraction.

"Respect your step-mon" isn't easy to follow.
"Don't call your step-mom bad names." is easier to follow. Make a list.

If it is any help, he would be disrespectful of you, at times, even if he was your biological child.

Answer 9

have you had a talk about your concerns with the natural parent? if so have a chat with the child, in front of the parent, and tell him in a very firm way that you will not tolerate any disrespect from him any longer. You need to have full support from the parent, stand your ground.

Children many times test their boundaries, and hopefully if the parent is not made of jello (weak) maybe both of you being firm to him can help. Tell him next time he CAN be punished, especially if it's your house.

BTW he is waaay too young to start disrespecting you. MAybe he feels insecure of where he stands. Tell him you're not here to take his place, and that you care for him and love him very much.

BE THE ADULT.

Answer 10

Get to the root of the problem he has with you.
If that means going to find professional help then go and do it...You need to go above and beyond as a step parent to get to the bottom of why they are angry. Imagine, their mother or father is gone, and someone like yourself has stepped in and now they automatically have to give you some kind of respect.
Children aren't stupid, and they sure know that respect is earned not just given freely. I would suggest going to councling or the like so that he can express himself, and allow him to talk to his mum or dad about what's going on with things.
He needs outlets for things just like we as adults need them, He's not just a mindless child...if he's anything like my 9 year old daughter, he is going to be cunning and bright....Let him express himself, but find the roots...
Once you find the root then you will be able to heal...