Father's picture ???

Question

I divorce my dauther's father when she was 9 months.& separated since pregnant. we never live as a family.Any ways I have never talk bad about her father , he is the one who always mess up, by telling her lies about me or by letting her know ( I left him cuz he I cought him w/ his now wife). Ever since my dauther have her own room I put a picture of her dad & her on her night stand & the other day i found this picture in one of her drawers & i ask her why?? she just told me that she doesn't like his dad & she haven't call him in 3 weeks. Yesterday her dad call me cuz she wants to spend this father's day w/ her but she doesn't want 2 go & I told him that it is his fault for letting her down but he says that anyways he is going 2 pick her up Sat. night. Is it okay not to let her go if she doesn't want ?? What about hidding the picture?? Is it good for her to feel this way about her dad??? hOw should I help her ???I don't want for her to be unhappy. She say's she loves more her stephdad

Answer 1

First of all, how old is your daughter? It seems like she must be fairly mature to be able to be upset for more than three weeks.

If not, then you may wish to try a different tact with her.

If however she is mature enough to understand the intricacies of relationships, try to get her to talk about what happened and why she is mad at her father, be very neutral and understanding to her without agreeing with negative things that she says about her father (no matter how tempted you might be). She needs to communicate what is going on and know that she is being heard but at the same time because of custody issues and a number of psychological issues, it is best to try to stay positive or neutral about her relationship with her father, if for no other reason than he is the only father she will ever have. Her step Dad may end up being her Daddy but blood/dna never changes.

My niece once did the same thing regarding her biological father. She seemed to think that because my sister didn't like the guy any more that my niece was not supposed to either. She thought it made her Mommy happy if the little girl did not like her own father.

It is a fine line to walk.

In any case, try to get it resolved BEFORE he comes to pick her up. It may require sitting down with him and talking things out with the both of them. You may want to call him and let him know that "picking her up" might take a bit longer this time.

Good luck.

Answer 2

If she doesn't want to talk to or even see her dad than you shouldn't force her to because there must be a reason that is cause=ing these negative feelings toward her biological father. Talk to her and find out what is goping on and let her explain her reasons th3n you should tell her your opinion but don't force her into htings it will only damage your relationship with your daughter. She must have good reasons for acting this way and after finding out if you can't hwlp her with them then seek proffesional help. The father should ubderstand and be patient becuse he is the only one that created this situation.

Answer 3

Dont make her go if she doesnt want to she probably has more resons not to go than what you know.. in fact im a little consern something bad might of happend to her.(pray to god not) but eather way I am glad she apreciates her step-dad and shes growing up and you dont have to tell her anything.. she is now seeing what her father is like her self.. all you can do is comunicate and support he to the fullest..
you can change the way she feel about her dad.. but what you can do is let her know she can always count on you...

Answer 4

First off everything that happened with you and him is your past and between you two. NEVER let her know when you two are fighting and don't use her as a pawn or middle person for information. Second, your daughter has her reason for not wanting to see her father. If and when she is ready she will share her reason. You can't assume it was directly something he did. And attacking him will solve nothing.But do not force her to see him if she prefers not to

Answer 5

I think that if she doesn't want to go then you shouldn't make her. even though he is her biological dad she cant really call him dad because he wasn't there to be her dad. It sounds like her step dad is the closet thing to a dad that she has so i don't see anything wrong with her loving her step dad more.

Answer 6

You don't say the age of your daughter. But I think she should have some say in whether she wants to spend time with him. Maybe over time she will feel differently, but it is not right to force her to be with someone she doesn't like.

Answer 7

well, I feel sorry for you because of all the stuff you're going thru with your daughter but I think that is her father and he wants to spend the day with her you should ask her to please do that for you if not for him, tell her that no matter what happened, he's still her father and he loves her very much, always make sure of that.
if she gives a fit about it than you should really make her go, if parents don't teach their kids to forgive and love than who???
specially when you're talking about her father...

Answer 8

Well, I'm like your daughter, I don't like my dad, and my parents are divorced as well. You can't really control the feeling, and you can't make her like her dad. She loves her dad, you have to, but you don't nessecarily have to LIKE your dad. Let her feel how she feels, and she'll be fine. Take it from someone who's in her shoes. Don't make her do something she doesn't want to do; it's the worst.

Answer 9

Don't force her to go, its possible that she is not telling you something, bad things happen these days and you can't trust even your own family members.....Just try to find out from her if he hasn't touched her anywhere that made her feel uncomfortable. You may never know......Bad things also happen to good people

Answer 10

Is your daughter 16 years old or older? Is visitation court ordered? Do you have a custody agreement that outlines visitation with her father?

Your daughter needs to know her father. She may be having to abide by rules and guidelines at his house. Sometimes as children get older, they do not like to mind, they do not like to have rules, and she may just be having to mind her father when she is with him.