I'm 21 and a college student and have been living away from home for three years now. My parents pay forcollege which is very appreciated but they still try to control my every move from choosing a major to boyfriends and even pets. I recently had to take my dog back to the shelter because they would have cut me off if I hadn't. How do I tell me parents to back off without making them mad?
2006-06-13 10:49:50 · 7 answers · asked by wsucougal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I see the first person who answered your question either is or will be like your parents. Parents who seem to believe they have specific control and authority over their children's lives because they help them financially after they reach legal age are in my opinion not model parents for the next generation to copy. This may offend some parents out there but personally I don't give a sh*t. I think when a young person continues their education in an effort to better themselves for the future and parents willingly support that education financially then they should be proud of their children and consider that their reward. In no way should that give them the exclusive right to be the final word in decision making in that young persons life and if that's what they want then I think the young person should sell that control to them for a much higher price and simply stay home and be their slave. I mean that's what slavery is about right? Control? Either you love your child and want to help them and still allow them to be mature adults or you don't. Simple as that.
2006-06-13 11:02:10 · answer #1 · answered by fun_guy_otown 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
You need to prove to them that you are capable and responsible for yourself and your things. If you had a dog, and they are threatening you with cutting you off, it is because you are either not taking care of the dog properly and they are worried for both you and the dog, or the dog is draining you of money which you don't need to be worried about right now. If you are going to let them pay for your living expenses and college, then you must expect them to have a say in your life and your well being at this time. They are just trying to make sure you are making good decisions and that you are safe.
My suggestion to you is to quit telling them so much. You need to start taking responsibility for your own actions, and you need to remind them that you are 21 and capable of handling your own affairs now. So, if you bounce a check, who's fault is it? You can't call mom and dad to bail you out if you want them to back off. If they begin casing on you for something you are going to do or something you have done and you don't see anything wrong with it, then stay calm and explain your reasoning. If your parents don't understand, that's there problem, not yours. You are probably going to have to get "cut off" for them to fully back off.
2006-06-13 10:57:07 · answer #2 · answered by moveplease 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
What they are doing is abuse , due to abuse of power, they know you need them so they can enjoy pushing you around...Ask them if you should let whoever they choose have sex with you any way they like or sell your kidneys as they paid for it...
Shock them into realising what they are doing... And get financial independance asap.
You could always suggest you get a job as a pole/lap dancer as at least they are free.
You should both want to be a family not one has to as the other wants to control.
You need to threaten them back or wait till uni finishes then as soon as you find work ditch them
If they want to be atms then treat them like one.
Get the dog back and tell them if they try a stunt like that fido gets trained to bite.
What you need to do is get power over them to blackmail them.
If they threaten you you can then threaten them back with something they fear maybe from their posh neighbours...
Say you would rather the relationship be about love and friendship but if about power show them what they thought you about controlling people through fear...
Think exchnge money for say heroin and it will show you your relationship
2006-06-13 10:58:39 · answer #3 · answered by Joey 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My parents pay for my education, but thanks to my mother, I have the freedom to to what I want to. It's a delicate balance. you have to pick your battles. Something like your major...I would fight for, but the dog, I'd wait. You really have to stand your ground on things you care about. I know that is really tough. I don't want to give you poor advice, but choose carefully what you tell your parents. There won't be conflict, if they don't know. I don't really tell my parents anything. If they don't know, then they're hands off. Soon they will realize that you are getting older, and that you are handling things without their help.
2006-06-13 10:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by FY 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get a jpb & student loans and pay your own way. Otherwise, you are still behaving like a child and have to live with the rules of childhood. I went through it myself. It was hard to step out on my own, but that's the only way.
2006-06-13 10:56:28 · answer #5 · answered by letmesurpriseu 4 · 3⤊ 4⤋
While they are paying they are going to set the rules. When you are truly on your own, you will be able to exercise more control of your life.
2006-06-13 10:54:07 · answer #6 · answered by davidmi711 7 · 1⤊ 11⤋
Deal..while you are finacially under their thumb you are under their rules. I'm sure they are doing things for your best interest. If you don't like that then take resposibilite for your finaces 100%, then they can't say anything. If you look at it..were you home enough to care for a dog? Maybe not.
2006-06-13 10:53:58 · answer #7 · answered by mpg1110 2 · 1⤊ 12⤋