how do i overcome jealousy from my 3yr old over our new twins born 3 weeks ago?

Question

The 3yr old has had a definite personality change since the babies were born. She is very disobedient and gets angry very easily and often. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

It is very common for children to be jealous and mean to the newborn. She was the center of your world for 3 years and now she has to share mommy with 2 babies. Make sure you take time everyday to show you're love. When the babies are sleeping, read her a story, do an art project (make a Froot Loop necklace), and things that show she is the "big girl" (she can help mommy make dinner, help with the babies...getting a diaper, let her pick out baby's outfit, help with the bath...) Tell her that she is so lucky because she is a big sister (maybe even get her a big sister shirt). She can do so much more than a baby because she is older. Tell her things like "You did that by yourself! Look how high you climbed! You used so many colors on your picture!" These are great confidence builders! If she keeps getting messages like these, she should start to feel more confident in her new world.

Answer 2

She's feeling a bit displaced, and it's a normal reaction for an "older" child. All your time and energy is now going to the new babies, whereas she had it all before. she's feeling that BIG TIME. These little interlopers have come into HER home and taken HER parents away from her, and now THEY get all the attention. It's a HUGE adjustment, so both parents are going to have to make an effort to make sure to give the 3 year old special attention and make sure she understands that she isn't being pushed aside. That's a hard one, but you can see the reaction from the very TIP of that iceberg -- so you can decide how far it has the potential to go. Not to do that sets up a very strong case of sibling rivalry and resentment that's very hard to overcome.

Answer 3

I am the mother of 17 years old twins and a 16 year old. At the time my twins were born, my nephew was 2 years old.

What we did in all situations, involving other children, was to make them feel included with the new twins. Give them "big kid" responsibilities like helping with the bath, diapers, powder, feeding, etc. Teach the child how to lovingly relate and touch the new babies. Explain that the new babies need their big sister. Reward her positive behavior with small treats, time with you, and big girl activities. Being a helper can boost their self-esteem and let them realize how important they are to you.

In addition, make time for her every day. Try to keep routines the same as much as humanly possible. At 3 years old, they still need routines and having new twins in the house has definitely disrupted a world that was previously all about her. She needs to feel secure with you, her life, and what's she's learned to depend on so far.

Let her know, as much as you can, that she is just as important to you as the new babies.

Best wishes from someone who has survived twins and is here to talk about it! ;-)

Answer 4

It has been awhile, but I had to deal with the same thing, except my son was 2 when I brought his sisters home.
I always involved him in everything. When I changed their diapers I would tell him that Mommy needed his help. He would hold the new diapers for me and I would let him powder them.
I told him how much I depended on him for his help and for being their BIG brother.
We also had our "quiet time", that was when the twins were asleep and we would play and watch cartoons, whatever he wanted to do.
Just let her know that she is a part of helping, and that her help is very valuable, even when it takes twice as long to do something.
A lot of time goes into taking care of babies, especially when there are 2, so it is understandable that she feels left out.
I remember the times.
Congratulations on your twins, good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Make sure you set some time each day aside just for your older child. Also, I bought gifts and wrapped them for my other kids. (you can find inexpensive gifts at the dollar store) When you have guest over oohing and ah-hing over the new babies and bringing baby gifts you will have a gift for the older one also so they don't feel left out. And last I would make the older child feel important such as telling them they are a very important part of the family and to their baby sisters or brothers. Give them a special little task and let them help with the babies and feel needed.

Answer 6

make sure oyu give your 3 year old their time...do not change your 3 year old routine and daily activities..let the 3year old be the helper with everything changing diapers, baths, feedings and make sure the 3 year old id still getting attention ...books read to them befor bed time and go to the park or store with the 3 year old without the babies...also i always whatch tlc "surviving motherhood" and the experts advice on this situation is to never tell your 3 year old "no" if he or she is talking in the babies face or doing something that you dont like, the expert said to give the child a different option like "show the babies the rattle or whisper a song to the babies" i really hope this helped...your 3 year old is looking for attention just in a wrong way so make him or her feel like they are the helper and baby him or her if he or she wants to be babied.....i have a 21 month old and im due again in Nov so i have been whatching this tv show for advice, check it out if you have time and good luck with your babies

Answer 7

the new babies probably sleep alot and it is at this time that you should put all your attention on her and let her know that you love her just the same as the new babies. Talk to her. Kids at this age can understand when they are being talked to about something serious. Let her help you with things, and make sure to give her lots of smiles and hugs and kisses.

Answer 8

ekkkkk

well that sounds like it would be very stressfull for every one, that inculude her.

I know its hard for parents to spend as much time with the older childern as the use too. Try to includer show her that having 2 new twins is a good thing for her, maybe give her jobs to help out. something ez like thowing away dipers or something.

Also displen when need too. i know you may feel guilty about not spending as much time with her as you did, thats why having rules in places are more inportan now than ever,

and good luck

Answer 9

Spend a little time alone with her each day doing something she likes. Make sure she knows it's your "special" time together. She's just missing all the attention she recieved before the babies came along.

Answer 10

spend 20 min. one-one special mommy-big girl time with your daughter, tea time or ice cream outing...that will reasurre her, and tell her that the babies l-o-v-e her, make her give lots of kisses and hugs, she'll change once she realizes nothing is really changed for her except there's more love around.