My fiance and I are 5 months away from the wedding (we've dated almost 5 years and been engaged 1 year) and he told me two weeks ago that he doesn't feel ready to get married. He can't tell me why, he just says he has a "feeling" and he is scared. Is this normal? We are going to counseling in the coming weeks, but I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this and how it worked out. Thanks!!
2006-06-13 10:27:49 · 22 answers · asked by Just a girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
His mother has been through three bad marriages (which he has said himself, scared him) and we have not lived together.... we're both also in Ph.D. programs and he moves up here in a few weeks, finishes his Masters, moves in with me for the first time, and starts a new type of degree in August. Maybe it's all the changes coming up? Because beforehand, we had a relationship that awed everyone who met us. We really do love each other and I guess my feelings are hurt because I feel like he is rejecting me.
2006-06-13 10:37:13 · update #1
Congratulations on your impending wedding! Very excited that you are going to marriage counseling, as well. This will help with your fiance's "cold feet" and you will learn that this is not unusual and that there are instances when both sides will have reservations on tying the knot. This feeling is probably thoughts of "am I doing the right thing? what if this isn't 'the one'? what if we CAN'T live together? what if? what if? what if?" Completely normal. Don't worry. But, if counseling is not setting his mind at ease, be sure to talk with a professional or your pastor to perhaps have a discussion with him. You didn't mention how his parents' marriage is. Perhaps it's a fear, if his parents are divorced, that he may not be adequate to be committed? I would relax, bring it up in counseling, and take the steps the counselor suggests. I wish you the best!!
2006-06-13 10:34:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think this happens too often.
Although I personally would not want to go through a wedding unless both parties are sure. Actually life is about risks and there is always some fear.
I would assure him that you don't intend to have relationships like his mother has. Then ask him what he thinks went wrong with those marriages and the two of you can write out plans of how to avoid such things and avoid the pit falls.Don't get frantic or you will scare him more. If you have to hold off on the wedding then do so. Just assure him that the two of you have the skills to make a good marriage. then let time tell
2006-06-26 16:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am kind of going through the same thing, I'm getting married this weekend. I was scared to get involved with him b/c both his mother and father have been married three times. I dont believe in divorce and I was just sure to tell him that. I am getting married in 5 days and I have thought all kinds of crazy things that I havent untill now, I think he is just nervous and the feelings will calm down and then he will realize that his thoughts were silly and it wont matter then b/c you two will still have eachother :) just keep making him talk to you about all of his "fears" and things should work out for you both.
2006-06-26 11:19:29 · answer #3 · answered by q_t_pie0072003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its normal that he feels like that, don't feel rejected by that. I work with a 28 yr old guy who just got married and wasn't ready yet. He still loves his wife, but just wasn't ready to make that jump...
I think that going to counseling is a positive move for your relationship! Just take it one day at a time and communicate with each other. I was suppose to marry my fiance October of 2004 and we have been pushing it off until we both feel the time is right. We just keep adding to our savings for when the time is right.
Good Luck, and Congrats!
2006-06-25 09:07:38 · answer #4 · answered by Aiden's Mommy To Be 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pressure is perchance the important reason. there's a lot taking position in getting waiting fro a wedding ceremony, etc that nerves are frazzled. Make some time for the tow of you to easily sit down and communicate and take a breather. you'll both sense significantly better appropriate, no longer to coach, the tremendous day will run smoother in case you're not any more at one yet another's throats. reliable success!
2016-10-14 03:26:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a problem if your doing counseling after being together 6 years! Don't get married! at least not to him. Think about it 6 years and a piece of paper and a ring is going to scare him away. I'm really sorry to tell you this but I think it will save you lots of money on attorney fees! Good luck and don't worry if you decide not to marry him, He'll be the one missing out not you!!
2006-06-24 09:16:35 · answer #6 · answered by puffercountry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is normal as long as you dont back out! I am only 2 months away from my wedding, and we are fine, (for now) You can really get cold feet. Its a nervous thing, don't worry. You have been with your significant other for 5 years. You can do it. Dont be scared of commitment. You know you love them!
2006-06-26 09:44:54 · answer #7 · answered by mud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its normal, I was very afraid to get married. It's good that u r going to counseling. It may be necessary to delay the wedding for a bit, so he can be sure that it's what he really wants. If he changes his mind, DONT give back the ring.
2006-06-13 10:32:10 · answer #8 · answered by tbird00719 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's going through a lot of changes. You said his mom had some hurt times, so I'm sure he is thinking about that and hoping for the best in his own life. Try to understand and not take it personally. Just love him. That'll do the trick. :-)
2006-06-26 09:40:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my fiancee is more comitted to our wedding than i am, and currently i am in counseling b/c i grew up the only child of a single mother. i want to take this step, but i'm scared too....
i think it's normal. but we also have the comfort of living together. we have lived together for two years and i doubt it'll have any huge impact on my life or anything. i'm just nervous. it's the end of one life and the beginning of another.
i have to admit, i do kinda look forward to being a missus
2006-06-13 10:43:34 · answer #10 · answered by ladrhiana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋