Make me chuckle with a short joke, no blond jokes unless they are short. One joke per person?

Question

Here's my joke--ohhh's mama is so fat, her underwear, are bigger than Shallow Hal's girlfriend's

Answer 1

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Answer 2

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They all decided to go to the bar and they got fake ids cause they were underage. So they go in and the bartender knows they are underage so he call the cops. The redhead informs the girls that the bartender has called the cops and they have to leave. So they go out the back door and they see this barn. They go inside and the redhead notices 3 potato sacks on the floor. She tells the girls to each hide in a potato sack. Then the police arrive in the bar, and the bartender takes them out back to look around. They go into the barn and look everywhere. One cop says "They might be in those potato sacks". So he kicks the first one containing the redhead and hears "woof, woof". "That's a dog" he thinks to himself. He kicks the second bag containing the brunette and hears "Meow, meow" "Well that must be a cat" he thinks. Finally, he kicks the last bag containing the blonde and hears in a slow voice "po...ta...to...es!"

Answer 3

Saving Bush,
Gorge Bush trips and falls over a bridge railing while jogging one morning. Before the Secret Service guys can get to him, three kids who are fishing pull him out of the water below. He’s so grateful, he offers the kids whatever they want.

The first kid shouts, “I want to go to Disneyland with my friends!” and Bush replies, “No problem. I’ll take you on Air Force One.”

The second kid says, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordans,” to which Bushl says, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The third kid says, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!”

Bush, looking perplexed, utters: “But, son, you don’t look like you’re handicapped.”

The kid answers, “I will be once my dad finds out I saved your sorry a$$ from drowning.”


i know you said one but i couldent help me self.

Kiss the Cabbie



A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley, "maybe we will see what we can do."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Answer 4

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Answer 5

I agree with the one above me but here's one A panda walks into a restaurant and orders. He starts eating, shoots the waitor and was about 2 leave when 1 of the people said why did u do that?
the Panda said look it up in the dictionary. so they did and it said Panda Bears- eats shoots and leaves! u get it!

Answer 6

Things I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you
can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are
just assholes.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -
they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think
you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless
we are celebrities.

Answer 7

George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

Answer 8

3 guys are walking down the street, and 2 of them walk into a bar. The third on ducked.

Answer 9

Yo momma's so dumb she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W&Ws
Yo momma's so poor I asked her what's for dinner and she pulled out a gun and said Next one who moves
Yo momma's so old when Moses parted the Red Sea he found her fishing on the other side
Yo momma's so dumb she got stabbed in a shoot out

Answer 10

A lady went into a car dealer store window shopping and saw the car of her dreams. she bend down to touch the leather seat of the Lexus and fart. she turn around to see if any one was near by to smell or hear fart but no one was in sight. the sales man clear his throat "may i help u"? embarrass the lady answer "what's the price for the car"? the sales man replied "madame, I'm sorry to say but if you farted by simply just touching it, you'll **** when you hear the price".

Answer 11

hey ddt u chick w/ a penis these are for YO MOMMA enjoY:
- Yo momma's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals

- Yo momma's drawers are so dirty the roaches check in but they don't check out

-Yo momma's so dirty she smells like hot *** on a cold day

-Yo momma’s breath stinks so bad that people look forward to her farts

-Yo momma's so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater
-Yo momma’s so dirty she made right guard turn left
-Yo momma's so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif
-Yo momma's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
-Yo momma’s so ugly when she goes to the beach, the tide won't come in!
-Yo momma’s so ugly you got to tie steak to her neck just so the dog will play with her
-Yo momma’s so ugly that when she was born your grandma said what a treasure and your grandpa said lets bury her.
-Yo momma’s so fat that she has to wear two watches cuz she takes up two time zones
- Yo momma’s so fat she was in the middle of the highway I tried to swerve but ran out of gas.

Ohhh man DDT, dont cry ok, lol, lol but YO momma sure is nasty!