My son is 3 years old, I have a wonderfully awesome husband*** who has adopted him and (only Father my son has ever known) he and his family care for our son and love him just as my family does (if not more), truly a blessing. His biological father lives in a diffrent state and IS NOT INTERESTED in my son AT ALL, does not bother to contact me AT ALL. Do I and at what age do I tell my son who is biological father is?
***My husband has the same relationship with his biological father - he knows him (his biological father) but only regoqnizes his stepfather as his dad/father.
2006-06-13 10:04:58 · 21 answers · asked by genger_plum 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
And the funny thing about it is ...my son favors my husband to the point that his own family (even after doing the math) questioned if it was his son or not....they look alike.
2006-06-13 10:12:01 · update #1
He (my husband) has been in our lives since my son was 9 months old.
2006-06-13 10:32:19 · update #2
Ask your self this: what good would it do my son to tell him his "daddy" isn't his daddy, and his real father is a bum? If your husband adopted the boy, HE IS THE FATHER!! Children don't need to know every little detail. If you were lucky enough to find a man who is willing to raise your child as his own, just be happy and move on with your life. Mentioning another father will just confuse your son. Let him grow up in a happy home, and if some day he asks (why would he), just tell him you made a mistake when you were young, and that his dad helped you make it right.
2006-06-13 11:12:46 · answer #1 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was adopted by my grandma and stepgrandpa. They told me from day 1 who my biological parents were and why things happened the way they did. I was adopted at 2 1/2 years old and my brother was 5 months old. I can remember stores/being told about this as long as I can remember. I believe that the earlier you tell a child, the less he/she will resent you. But, I wouldn't, especially at 3, tell your son that his biological father doesn't want anything to do with him or else he will think that there is something wrong with himself. I would definitely put it in terms that he can understand and keep telling him this thru the years. But, I would, personally, also tell him that the daddy he has now loves him very, very much, etc.
Good luck!
2006-06-13 17:24:01 · answer #2 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 4 1/2 years old and my fiancee is the only dad that he has ever known. I peronally would not tell him until he is older that is even if you want to. since your son recognizes your husband as dad I would just leave it at that. I am not going to tell my son who his real father is unless he asks me when he gets older.
And if your son and husband look so much alike don't you think you should get a paternity test done before you decide if you tell him about his biological father
2006-06-13 17:27:26 · answer #3 · answered by butterfly32976 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ASAP, or at least when he's of age that he can understand. Just b/c dads a butt-hole doesn't mean the rest of his family is. If you don't, or wait to late, he'll still accept the man as his father, but he'll always wonder who his biological father's family is.
Also, it's important for medical reasons. Doctors need to know family history before diagnosing certain problems. I know who my biological parents are, but b/c my mother was raised by someone who was not her biological father, I just found out that I've been telling my doctor wrong information concerning family history. Fortunately, nothing serious has come up, but I would hate to see what would happen if it did.
2006-06-13 17:21:41 · answer #4 · answered by King H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not tell my child who his biological father is if I were you. His biological father obviously does not want to have anything to do with your son, so why would you bother? And besides, a father is not someone who conceives you, it is someone who loves and cares for you and provides you with all of life's necessties. It sounds like your son has all of the father he needs. If your son really wants to know, he will find out on his own when he's an adult. But until then, your ex wants nothing to do with him so as far as everyone is concerned, he doesn't exist.
2006-06-13 17:11:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no set age but best is always be honest to him and don't make a big deal out of it. One day he will find out anyway the dad he knows is not the one that "made"him, and he will want answers. But no doubt his dad now will always be the dad, as not the semen but the love and care makes someone a dad. So just tell him he has another daddy somewhere and answer his questions casually as he grows up, don't make it into this big huge secret thing. It will work out, and I don't fear he will be running off to his biological dad one day or the love for his dad he knows will ever change. Good luck, and yes your husband is truly awesome!
2006-06-13 17:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter has no contact w/her father, my choice. my two guiding principles in what to tell her are:
1. Never lie - I will come out looking like the bad guy
2. Only answer what she asks me.
It might not be exactly the same with you, since there is a father around. He might not ever think to ask any questions. but you can use terms like stepfather some around him (not to say that your husband isn't his father - my step dad raised me and i consider him my dad) Just maybe use some of the terms so he will be used to hearing it and it won't come as a big shock when he does know the whole truth. Listen to your intuition. It will guide you better than any of us can.
2006-06-13 18:47:07 · answer #7 · answered by califdaisy85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmm.....been there, done that, was the kid involved. I didn't appreciate all of the lies. There are probably a lot of kids who your son will know whose "real dads" are not in their lives. I'd suggest you start at a young age (maybe 6) just casually mentioning that he had another dad but that his DAD is his real dad. You can answer the tougher questions later on. I would NEVER NEVER tell him that his biological father is not interested in him. Just say he was a little selfish and focused on his own life. Kids accept simple answers.
2006-06-13 17:11:36 · answer #8 · answered by tiffany_willis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not who has you, it's you raises and loves you. I was in the same boat as I don't remember my biological father and the man who raised me is my father in every way possible. Depending on who is listed on their birth certificate you may avoid that question but remembering how I was as a kid one day your son may come upon the papers and then the questions may start. If the questions start then come together as a family and answer them together.
2006-06-13 17:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by lucky_lady_blazing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The earlier you tell your son, the better. Trust is a crutial thing and just because your son is young don't deny him this knowledge. He will grow up healthier and happier because there will be no "walls" between you. Plus, you son will actually feel the absolute and nconditional love of his step-father. Your child is blessed.
The best to you and your family.
2006-06-13 17:17:34 · answer #10 · answered by ·!¦[·ÐarrÁ·]¦!· 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋