24 years ago when I was just 5 years old I was molested by a friend's 16 year old brother. He forced me to go down on him. My boyfriend wants oral and I want to give that to him but because of that traumatic event it is very hard for me. I never had any type of therapy over it, I never told a soul, not even my parents and I need to know what can I do to be able to do this for him. I have done it with my ex husband but only when i was severely intoxicated and it didn't matter, but I no longer drink or anything and I just can't seem to do it. This whole matter seems to be putting a strain on our relationship.
2006-06-13 09:52:31 · 6 answers · asked by real_sweetheart_76 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you need to tell him what happened to you so that he can understand what it is that you are going through.
i went through a similar situation and there are sexual things that i sometimes have trouble with..... i talkt o my bf about them and he (usually...LOL...) is quite understanding.
it will be hard to talk to him about this but you have to if your going to be able to get him to understand what it is your going through.
send me a msg if you want to talk about things (like i said i've been through similar experence)
2006-06-13 09:58:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Maybe it is time to open up to your boyfriend and tell him about this traumatic experience. I mean don't go into great detail if you are uncomfortable with talking about it. Just tell him to be patient with you and maybe if the two of you work on this together you can separate your memories from your reality. I had similar experiences when I was younger so I know how hard it is to separate yourself. When you are with your boyfriend just try your best to focus on him, you and that moment. If you feel yourself getting upset move on to another activity and if he asks tell him you just weren't ready. If he truly cares for you he will understand. I know that sex is important in a relationship, but it is not more important than your feelings. Take it slow, be patient and make an effort to put this traumatic event out of your mind. That predator who did this to you would really be proud of himself if he knew he did this much damage. Don't give the sick son of a b*tch that much power over you. God bless you and good luck.
2006-06-13 10:07:23 · answer #2 · answered by whatshername 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Copy your question and either print it off and hand it to your boyfriend or send it as an email. He needs to see it. Then find a therapist, one that handles repressed sexual abuse victims and start going. You do not have to live with this for the rest of your life.
2006-06-13 10:07:09 · answer #3 · answered by rilindy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please seek some help... not for your BF's sake... but for your own peace of mind. Unless you get professional guidance this will never go away and will always be a source of anxiety.
2006-06-13 09:56:30 · answer #4 · answered by RicktheRat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have already done the hardest part. you have told some one.
now let your friend know why you wont. it may help to talk about it more.
2006-06-13 09:58:12 · answer #5 · answered by sal2182000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do wats right! stick with ur gut! if he cant exept that then he isnt good enough for you!
2006-06-13 09:58:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋