Am i jealous or just trying to my hardest to be like her? and if i am how do i overcome this?

Question

she: perfect to the 't', she never gets anything wrong, house is sparkling clean, the food is on the table, the kids get the latest clothes and she has always got things sussed.
Me: a bit dim, conversationless, always with faults, house is a mess, food is on the table but no cuisine, the kids in last years clothes, i am trying to still find my way.
If i am jealous how do i overcome this problem, because i feel happy for her life, but i feel pressured into being like her and im not.

Answer 1

sleep w/her husband

Answer 2

A very close friend of mine is always going on about how she thinks I am some kind of superwoman because even though I have two very young kids and two dogs and four cats my house is always immaculate. ( Which I don't think it is!) But it is hard work to look after the kids and the house and some days I suppose I would rather not have to do it because I get so tired and there have been times in the past that my health has suffered a bit because I got so run down.
My reasons for being like this do not stem from a need for perfection but the fact that I grew up in a very chaotic household which was never really clean except when my mum could be bothered ( about twice a year!) I was the only one who cleaned the house when I was a kid and I think it stems from that. My mum still lives in a slovenly fashion and it still distresses me as does going into someones house if it is very dirty! I don't mind mess especially kids stuff because that is unavoidable and it makes a house a home but when you have kids then cleanliness is extremely important and I think I feel this way because I never thought my mum cared enough to keep a clean house for us and I don't want my kids to feel that way ever! or be embarassed to have friends round.So as you can see, my obsession with keeping the house perfect stems from stress I suffered as a child and I think many people who are this way probably have similar feelings and reasons for their behaviour.
Most of all I would just like to say that you shouldn't put yourself down so much. I'm sure you aren't as bad as you think, try to think positively about yourself and try to stop comparing yourself to others, it's the road to madness! If you find this person stresses you out or makes you feel bad try to spend more time with people who make you feel good about yourself and maybe less time with her. Just try to concentrate on your good bits and ignore the not so good bits. Love yourself!

Answer 3

Realize that we all have special gifts - some are better at "presentation" or conversation than others, but you have your own gifts. Then also realize that we all set our own priorities. Even though it looks great from the outside, you have no idea what price she may pay for being so perfect! Maybe she's so tired at the end of the day, she never wants sex and her hubby is looking elsewhere? No I don't wish her or anyone ill will. That comment was food for thought to be happy with and grateful for what you have. Take a look around and see what things you are really good at. Concentrate more on what you've got than what you're not.

Answer 4

*Sigh*. Where do I begin?...While you can look at her and admire her accomplishments of being a good mother/wife I am sure you, too, also have good qualities. Your comparable, while on the outside seems to have an orderly life, it may not be the case in actuality when you're not around. I think for you to overcome this jealously situation you have to reconcile the points at which you feel inadequate and reassess them. The only reason why I stress this is because at the end of the day you must ask yourself whether or not your children and husband appreciate and love what you do for him/them...If that is the case then well you have certainly succeded in being a good mother/wife and thus whatever your comparable does should not matter at all...

Answer 5

To be honest hun, i find that people who live there life in such a perfect way, as she probably does, are only compensating for a lack of happiness elsewhere. She may seem like she has it all but her troubles are probably way worse than yours, she's just good at hiding them coz she's "perfect" to everyone. (do you watch Desperate Housewives, kinda reminds me of Bree Vandercamp) Anyway, do you really wanna be workin your *** off just to have some Mary poppins style run house. As long as your kids are fed and loved and your home is hygenic then your a good enough person to me. Besides, just think how tired she must be, being so neat and precise all the time, i'd rather kick back an chill.

Answer 6

Don't feel too bad. She just represents what you want out of life. Make a list of things you aren't happy with in your life. Then write next to each thing a realistic method that will make that thing better.

'food is on the table but no cuisine' > take cooking lessons.

'a bit dim' > take evening classes.

Just by trying will give you a more positive outlook.

Answer 7

You two are different and that is okay. Why would you be jealous of her? Your kids are eating, they have clothes and you have kids, the house isn't always going to be sparkling clean unless you are extremely strick and spend all of your free time doing it. It's not a problem, you're looking at it all wrong. Everyone is different and as long as you raise your kids to be good people and have a good time while doing it, you shouldn't worry what anyone else thinks. You sound like a great person to me.

Answer 8

Perfection is impossible to achieve. Perhaps your friend is miserable trying to be "perfect". Why do you want to be like her? If you and your family are happy, there's no need for you to change. But if you'd like to improve yourself in certain areas, pick one thing to work on and take it in baby steps. Like saving some money and taking the kids shopping for new clothes. Or cleaning and organizing one room in your house. This will help your self-esteem and will give you more confidence in social settings, thus allowing you to be more conversational. I doubt you're dim at all. You sound quite intelligent with your question. Love yourself for who you are, not who you think you should be!

Answer 9

You need to be happy with yourself first. No one is perfect, not even this woman you idolize. Sure, she may appear to have everything, but those are always the people whose lives are the worst. Sure the kids may get nice stuff, but are they loved, and does their mother have time for them? Maybe in your household, everythng isn't perfect, but if you love your kids then you are the richest family in the world. You are very lucky, don't buy into the philosophy that everything has to be perfect all of the time. You'll drive yourself crazy. Appreciate what you already have.

Answer 10

Listen.... Never judge a book by it's cover. You never know if someone has 'got it all' really. I have known similar women in the past who actually turned out to be really unhappy underneath and thought that by appearing 'sussed' and 'together' made them a better person, but actually just appeared together. If you are looking at others for comparison you will never be happy because there is ALWAYS someone better off than you (on the surface of things) so be yourself and love yourself however you chose to live.

Answer 11

Perfection is never what it seems. Sounds like your friend is trying to compensate for something by putting on this front of having everything in order. (like an unhappy relationship, debts, kids) Although you may not run your household as you would like, as you said yourself, your family have food on the table, clothes on their backs, and a Mum who cares about them. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Don't envy your friend, pity her - as the time she spends working on this image, you probably spend in more enjoyable ways, like with your kids.
Chin up, it sounds like you are like most other women out there.