Why do women assume when you ask them out on a date, its just a "friends" date?

Question

Many times I have asked a woman out on a date. We go out, we have a GREAT time. Lots of talking, lots of laughing, lots of fun. When the night comes to a close and talk starts turning toward how we feel about each other, it always seems to be "Oh, really? I already have a boyfriend" or "well, I just don't feel the same about you." If they weren't interested, why did they accept the date? I would understand if the night was a total bomb, but to me it seems like they already had no interest in me when I asked them out in the first place. Why waste both our times? Ladies, provide me with the answer.

To the people who already responded to this question: I never said a WORD about sex. I am not stupid. I'm not even expecting a kiss. I'm just saying that at the end of the night I could say someting like, "I had a great time tonight, hope you did too, would really like to do it again" and they smack it down. Also, I spend time getting to know these women BEFORE I ask them out. They know what I look like. They know what my personality is like. We're friends BEFORE we go out...and yes, I am specific about this being a "date." In my eyes, there is no confusion about what we're doing.

Answer 1

First of all, find out their status before you ask them out. Or make it part of the "ask out", "Hey, I hope you're not seeing anyone because I'd like to take you out on a date." That will make your intentions clear.

Also make it clear that it is a date. Some guys will ask the girl, "You wanna grab some dinner?" and it is not clear that it is a date. The guy is trying to insulate himself against rejection. But part of the thrill is taking the chance. "Hi, I'd like to take you out for a date. Can I pick you up on Saturday at 7:00?" Take the chance and be clear. The woman will repsect your clarity and confidence. And on the date (especially the first one) do all the traditional date stuff: dress up, pick her up, hold her chair, pay for dinner. Lean over and put your hand on hers during dinner. How she responds will say a lot. When you drop her off, touch her lightly on her waist while you lean in to give a gentle kiss on the lips. Above all, make it clear that this is a romantic date.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I think that the thing is, we women, no matter how confident we seem, are always extremely self conscious. So when you ask us to get out, we get all crazy thinking Oh boy, is this a date or a DATE as in an outing friendly date, or a romantic date...and being so self conscious, we automatically assume, no way, he just wants to be friends...
Or perhaps, seeing as how they don't want to be in a relationship with you, perhaps, they just assume you feel the same way and maybe next time you should say something like, I really like you, and I was hoping we could get to know each other better...Would you be interested in going to movies or out to dinner/lunch/coffee/wherever, and during the date make sure they know how you feel, and if they feel the same way they'll show interest, if not, then at least you'll still be friends. Anyway, if you make it really obvious that it's a date, you may have better results.

Answer 3

Well maybe the fact is that all they wanted was a friendship. Maybe they just wanted to be able to kick back and relax without having the stress of an actual relationship. It seems like all the women your talking about just wanted a friendship that they could build up, and trust. You should feel flattered that they wanted to be your friend. And you know, there is always the chance of gaining their affection after a few nights of hanging out, so don't give up!

Answer 4

My opinion because it would be the FIRST DATE (IS THAT THE CASE??)
If not then maybe it is the way you make her feel as if you are both just friends and then at the end of the date you may be coming on strong.....Why don't you say on your next date "I really like you (her name here) and was wondering if you'd like to go out to (wherever) so we can get to know each other.....
Your telling her how you feel what you want and now she won't be guessing or assuming it's just a friendly date.....

Answer 5

I don't think that most women think that at all. If you're getting that response from the women they you are asking, then either it's the way you are asking them or there might not have been a romantic spark with them and they are trying to let you down easy.

It's not really a waste of time, you never know until you try.

Hang in there, you'll find the one. Just be patience.

Answer 6

You have to find a way to be more specific upfront with the women you want. Ask her if she has a boyfriend before the date. If not then that already makes your day a little easier. Then go from there. Remember to be romantic. Stuff like flowers and opening doors, women love that stuff.

Answer 7

Who are these women?? Are you already friends with them when you ask them out, or are they women you just met?

Try making it obvious what you're after before asking them out. Say something like, "do you have a boyfriend?"....it may sound a little forward, but at least you won't be wasting your time.

Otherwise, maybe they aren't having as good of a time as you think they are and they're just making excuses.

Answer 8

Why do guys always assume that you owe them se x on the first date just for buying you dinner and taking you to a movie?
You're moving too fast.
One should never become involved in a physical/committed relationship until several things are known. Also, until a lot of time has been PROPERLY invested by both parties. If one person flakes or backs out, it's over. Move on.

Answer 9

They were testing the waters, at the end of the date they decided you two really wouldn't last/aren't compatible, or they could be scared about making the next move...some females are traditional in that sense..best bet would be to ask before hand and at the end of the date, don't search for a clue, call them the next day and see what happens.

Answer 10

Easy there stud, slooooooow down it is not the kill but the chase the longer it takes the better it is sometimes. Just keep them smiling and laughing as much as possible, no need to get so serious you'll know when the time is right if it comes, then and only then is it worth having. You'll know, don't rush it. Don't push her away lead her back to you, ya know. Come on, you can do this. Patience must be your virtue.