A have a 3 1/2 year old son and he is horrible he doens't listen I have tried everyhting I need some advice

Question

I have tried spanking, time out, yelling, telling him he'll get something that he wants if he is good and if he is not good he actually does not get it , I just don;t know what to do

Answer 1

Happy kids come from happy parents. Take a look at yourself. Do you find you yell a lot? Do you find you are impatient? Your three year old is probably just imitating you.

I suggest watching Super Nanny for helpful parenting techniques. Kids are a reflection of their parents--it's hard to admit, but you might need to step back, and change the way you operate. Do it now before it's too late. Your whole family will be happier.

Answer 2

Stop using time out, yelling, spankings, and bribing. They only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Time outs are a way for you to control your child but not a way for a child to learn self-control. Time outs and spanking are a form of punishment, not a form a discipline.

Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If he damages something in the home, money comes out of his piggy bank or he earns money doing things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the discipline fit the crime.

Another technique you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take him gently by the hand and put him in a spot in your home (his room, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (listen, stop, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spots a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he behaves. Keep it up!

Find ways to help him learn to express himself instead of lashing out. Empathize by saying things like "I can tell that you are (upset, angry, mad, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?"

Notice him when he is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 3

He sounds like a real 'tyranical 3' as they used to call the age. :) be consistant. If you say you will or will not do something, do what you say. He's testing the limits. Do take him to your pediatrician and get his hearing checked. It never hurts to be sure. I've found it helped with my own kids to limit the amount of sugar or pre-sweetened things they ingest. This includes juice. Also don't give him caffeine as in soda. All that can wire him up so it's impossible for him to listen. Make sure he gets outside to run and play. Take him to the park where you can watch and he can go until he wears out. Keep a consistant schedule. Bedtimes, mealtimes, playtimes, bathtimesall should happen regularly. Don't let the TV or VCR be a baby sitter. Unplug it or move it if you have to do so.

If you try these and they don't work, try giving him a cup of strong tea or coffee and then observe his reactions. Is he calmer, quieter, more able to pay attention to you? Or is he just zipping off the walls from caffeine. If he slows down, talk to you pediatrician again about what you've tried and what has and has not worked. He may be able to suggest other ways of getting him to calm down and listen.

Don't forget to take time out for yourself, either. That will help you handle him better.

Answer 4

First off I have three son and three daughters so i do know what I'm saying so forgive me in advance please.....
He's 31/2 years old, he's pushing the boundaries, and perhaps you are not quite as involved with him as you should be. If you spend the time with him you will find his behavior improves. However YOU have to give up your personal space and time until he is fully trained in respect and he understands the consequences are real.
It sounds as if he's acting out for your attention.
What are you more interested in than your child......? think about it. I have been in this spot and it wasn't the boy, it was me and the things i wanted that were the problem.
The child comes first, he is your responsibility to raise. If you yell he learns to yell, if your thing is more important than he is, his thing is gonna be more important than what you are saying.
He isn't a pet, you have to give up the time to be there for them 24/7 and that is the answer.!!!!
Please forgive me for being harsh, my oldest son is in lawschool, my two older daughters are respectful and really good students and the younger ones are a joy to spend time with now that i've grown up and understand.

Answer 5

First of all yelling and bribing are no good. Spanking and time out are good.
If you want him to listen and behave then you have to take action, THE FIRST TIME EVERYTIME. No exceptions. No bribes. No next time. Take his toys away, make him give them away. Dont back down. Dont yell, always talk in an even tone. It makes the child listen.
Also look at his diet. Make sure he isnt getting too much junk and sugar. Diet can effect his behavior.
Good luck!

Answer 6

One of the greatest pieces of advice given me when I first became a parent is consistency. That is a loaded word, let me warn you, but worth considering. The other advice I got was to force my children to become calm/submissive. This requires that you establish the leader in your family. If you are the leader then you must show calm, consistent, patient, expectations from your children. Use phrases that begin with "I" this will then define exactly who is in control.
An example would be if you are asking for their room to be cleaned and they are giving you every type of rebellion possible, just respond "I want your room clean, and it will be cleaned before you can do ___________". Then stick with your demand. If you yell and scream, that is what you will get in return, if you respond with specifics then that is what you will get back. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You need to be consistent. Find out what his "currency" is. It might be playing with cars, or trains or playing outside. Decide what and how you are going to punish him and then talk to him about it. Let him know ahead of time that if he does "such and such" he will have "these consqeunces" and spell it out for him. You have to continue with this same type of punishment for several days if not weeks until he gets the idea that you are serious. It may even mean taking away his toys and putting them up until he can behave for a certain period of time - hours, days, etc. If he is throwing his toys, tell him that you will give them away if he continues to be mean to his toys.

Whatever you choose to do, follow through with it. It may seem mean, but it will instill respect in your relationship with him. Other caregivers also need to abide by the same rules to ensure consistency.

Answer 8

I don't believe that happy children come from happy parents. My child is hyper-active and we waited until she was in kindergarten to have her checked out by the doctor. She could not sit still, her paperwork was messy and she would just get up in the middle of class. The doctor gave us medication and she did better work and she also makes more sense when she is speaking. I also do less spanking and less crying over it. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Actually you will be really suprised by my answer. Get down on your knees so you are at face level with him. Talk calmy (try not to yell) to him letting him know what he should be doing rather then scolding him from doing bad. Suggest he do something else. Also start to reward him for the good things. Telling him he will get something if he's good will reward him for being bad in the end. He will think "Hmmm... if I act naughty mom will offer a treat for me being good." I hope this helps.

Answer 10

First take a deep breath. When he act up, remove him from the situation, explain to him what he did wrong and give him a time out. Do this every time regardless. If you give in one time, he will push every time for you to give in. It's hard but they need to know that you are the boss and they have to listen. My daughter was the same way and when I thought she couldn't push me any further, she would. If he screams because he is being punished, walk outside for a sec. take a deep breath, calm down and then go back in. Be consistent.