Looking for the best joke........?

Question

tell me the best joke you ever heard. The best one will get the 10pts

Answer 1

The First Date
A boy decided to have a dinner with his girlfriend parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"


The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.


A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Answer 2

Bhola applied for an engineering position at an MNC office in Bihar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bhola and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy."
Bhola: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Bihar I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong."
Bhola: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

Answer 3

Sorry if you read these in another question. I added one just for you.

Yo momma's so fat, she crossed the street in front of me, I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas.

So this guy walks into a bar and sets this little guy playing a piano on the bar. Everyone is just amazed and the bartender asks, "Where did you get that little guy?" The guy pulls out an equally amazing genie in a bottle. "This genie gave him to me. Here, I'll let you make a wish." So the bartender thinks carefully for a moment, then takes the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks." Suddenly, the bar is filled with ducks, quacking all over the place. "What the hell? I wished for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS."

The guy takes his genie back, "What, you think I wished for a 14" pianist?"


A classic: Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

Answer 4

I couldn't begin to tell you All the best jokes I've heard but this one should do nicely: A Hottie gets on a plane for her first flight. As the plane is preparing for takeoff, an attorney takes the seat next to her & attempts to engage her in conversation. He tells her he has this little game he likes to play with people while in flight but she's wary. Finally, cuz he just won't leave her alone, she gives in. "Here's the game," he says, "I'll give you a question & if you don't know the answer, you give me five bucks. Then you ask me a question & if I don't know the answer, I'll give you five bucks"
Well, this blonde isn't your stereotypical blonde so she's real reluctant to play. finally, exasperated, the lawyer ups his ante, offering to pay $100 if He doesn't know an answer while the blonde only has to pay five so she says"Go ahead"
His first question to her is, "How many miles is it from Earth to the moon?", to which she doesn't know the answer so she digs into her purse & pays him his five bucks. Then she asks him, "What goes up in the morning on three legs & down in the evening on sixteen?" WOW! he's totally blown away by it so he checks on his PDA, then he flips open his bluetooth enabled laptop & scrolls away on it for awhile, then he whips out his Balackberry & calls over a dozen or more of his esteemed colleagues. Finally, as the plane readies for its descent for landing, exasperated, he replies that he's given up & forks over a hundred dollar bill. Then he asks her, "Okay, so what's the answer?" to which she just calmly reaches into her purse & forks over another five dollar bill ;)

Answer 5

My Dad is a Father


A little boy got on the bus and sat next to a man reading a book,
and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man,
who was a priest, said, " I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy is a father and he doesn't wear
his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father
of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren
and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds,"
and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over
and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards
instead of your collar."

Answer 6

On the 8th day God decided to visit Adam and Eve down at that garden of his.. God had been there chatting with Adam and realised that Eve was no where to be seen. Wheres Eve God asked. Adam replied" She's gone for a swim. Oh sht say god, we'll never get the smell out of the FISH now.

Answer 7

a guys mother inlaw just moved in with him and his wife due to her old age she lived there for just a few days the guy came home one day to find his mother in law just lying there on the floor they quickly dialed 911 and she got rushed to the hospital

a few hour pass and the doctor says i have good news and i have bad new immediatly the guys well lets here the bad news the doctor says his mother in law suffered a stroke and she is gonna be fine except for the fact that she no longer has any of her abilitys anymore...the doctor says everyday your gonna have to bathe her, dress her, feed her baby food 3 times a day, she lost all control of herslef your gonna have to change her diaper everytime she goes, put her to bed every night and as long as you do all this she has a good 20 years left in her...

the guy looks at the doctor and says omg well whats the good news?? doctor looks and him and says im just kidding shes dead

Answer 8

If you had sex 365 times in 12 mos, and melted all the used rubbers into a tire what would you call if?
A freaking Goodyear!!!!

Answer 9

Candy companies need to rethink their naming strategies. They try to say that their products taste like nutritous fruit like grapes or cherries, but, in reality, those purple jellybeans taste like purple. They taste just like the purple skittles and the purple lollypops. The worst is when they make a white candy, white for sugar.

Answer 10

this is dirty, but i thought it was funny.

A young girl is visiting her grandparents for the the weekend. the girl walks up to her grandmother and asks her if she knows any good tricks. the grandmother replies " no, but your grandfather knows some good ones". the girl walks over to her grandfather and says " grandma told me you know some tricks, is that true?". "Sure is" replies the grandfather. "come over here and sit on my lap" he says. so the little girl goes over and sits on his lap.
The grandfather then says " feel that finger poking in your a**?" the girl says yes. The grandfather replies "look, no hands" !!!

hahaha