One is 20 and is not in school, the other is 18 and didnt graduate h.s. and is smoking and drinking, the other is 14 and was caught french kissing a boy...they dont live with me but I dont know what my boundaries are. They come and visit every other weekend. I know I can help but want to know the right words to say thanks :)
2006-06-13 08:29:22 · 7 answers · asked by tinker143 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As the step parent, you don't want to go about how the children are being raised (that will only cause strife between you and your spouse). You can discuss with the kids about their choices and encourage them. You can help them by talking to them about how to change their lives. Either way you should not preach to them (they are too old for that).
2006-06-13 08:44:40 · answer #1 · answered by King H 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's best if you say as little as possible. It sounds like the older 2 seriously lack any discipline and are heading no where in life. It is only natural that the 14 yr got caught kissing someone. I wouldn't worry about that to much yet. Instead of saying anything to the kids, I think you should be questioning your spouse about the lack of control and respect that these kids have. The parents need to guide them in the right direction, instead of letting them run free.
2006-06-13 08:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advise comes from Dr. Phil and has a wonderful book called, "Family first". I have 3 horrible stepchildren who lack respect and their father has issues about discipline. My advise would be to sit back, but let them know that your arms are open and they are welcomed into your heart and if they ever need a concerned friend you can be the one for them to trust. Be patient, caring and very supportive of your husband....but make sure he doesn't allow the children to run the agenda and should make sure that it's known that you are the lady of the house and all the children should have respect for you as you would for them. Hope this helps a little.
2006-06-13 08:46:48 · answer #3 · answered by Susan L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first question is their birth father doing anything and if not, is the birth mother doing anything. Honestly this is a tough question without knowing all the info. I will say this if they come to your house they must abide by your rules and show you the respect that you so deserve. If they are not willing to do that then you must put your foot down and let the mother know that if they ant to come here then they must do as you say under your roof. Good-Luck
2006-06-13 08:38:38 · answer #4 · answered by Mr 55 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband and his ex-wife need to do a majority of the parenting with you supporting and doing follow up with the rules. You can talk to the kids, encourage, motivate them and let them know you are there but it's a fine line since you don't want them to think you are trying to take their mother's place. Basically, talk to your husband and explain how you feel and offer suggestions he and his ex can do and work with them to help the kids.
2006-06-13 08:34:08 · answer #5 · answered by Dukie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off your not responsible for those kids and second if you want to be helpful just basically try to give the 14year old advice about how guys r compared to the good and the bad tell her to be careful cause shes not grown and for the older children let them hang there selfs but show them all that you r there for them when they need u.
2006-06-13 08:39:42 · answer #6 · answered by Makia B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are no right words i was a step kid just dont jump right into punishment listen to what they say and dont scream maybe try a councler see whats realy bothering them maybe there still upset about the divorce some kids hide it real well
2006-06-13 08:40:40 · answer #7 · answered by Sherie T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋