How do you handle a 2 soon to be 3 year old boys tantrums?

Question

He is constantly pushing boundries, hitting, biting, screaming. He will be fine and then 1 minute later transformed into a screaming, kicking monster. We have tried time outs, talking to him, but most of the time he has the ability to just make us boil over. Any help would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Ahhh the terrible two's.

There is really only one right answer - Ignore the tantrums.

Put him down and walk away. Let him throw fits, kick, scream, bang his head. But he has to learn that he will get NOTHING for throwing these fits. No attention good or bad.

He will either learn that he gets attention from tantrums or that he gets ignored. If he gets ignored its tried and true - they will go away.

Answer 2

Read 1-2-3 magic. I do not have children, but the jist of the books is, watch a parent at his/her wits end. What do they do? The kid acts up ...the parent screams and yells, complains, goes on and on...effectively, the voice is deeper, the body is bigger, but the parent is just throwing the exact same tantrum.

What you employ is counting, and at 3, punishment.

Example, Child picking on sibling, count 1, if he starts the "he started it" that's 2 and if he then procedes to pick more, 3 and to the stairs or a quiet room for a minute every year old they are. No reasoning with them, no appeals to their "rational side". Just time...they know they did something unacceptable. After the 3 minutes, if they ask you why, you tell them exactly why...calmly, And then it's over.

When they get older, you can still count, but it may entail taking away privaleges rather than time.

The trick is never making exceptions. They have a friend over, it doesn't matter. You are grocery shopping, leave the cart, walk out of the store sit in the car in silence and go back in when the time is done. It's the only way they know you mean business. Read the book, It addresses a ton of scenarios!

Answer 3

I know that this is a touchy subject, as there are a lot of different ways to handle tantrums.
1st, children only require one thing, attention. If a child receives plenty of positive attention, then they are less likely to "act-out" in order to receive negative attention. I would suggest that you attempt to reinforce the positive behavior, which takes a week or two. Do not, under any circumstances, react with hostility or any attention for that matter, when he throws his next tantrum. Simply pick him up and place him in his room. Shut the door on your way out, without speaking. Simply show him, with your eyes and your mannerisms, that his behavior is "ugly". I know this sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but if you try this, and when he calms down, give him a hug, and tell him how good he is for stopping, he'll get the idea.
2nd, it never hurts to, as the bible states "spare not the rod", so-to-speak. A simple non-abusive painful spat on the butt-cheek, accompanied with the above mentioned, will definitely expedite the behavior change. You simply spank, firmly, once on the bottom, show with your eyes that he is being bad, and place him in his room. This should definitely help.

By the way, I have two wonderful children who, at times have had spankings, although it isn't my first choice, sometimes it is a must. I am a child psychologist, and I have found that children have to have boundaries. If these boundaries are not strictly adhered to, by us (the parent), then the child realizes that they can push the boundary to fit their wants. Spanking works, when done correctly, because a firm shock to their body helps to reinforce what is being taught. It plants the "rule" firmly in the young developing mind, and psychologically the child will remember the importance of the rule, not the pain of the spanking. I do not, in any way, suggest hard slapping all over the body, I only suggest a spat, as reinforcement. The key is a consistency with the rules and repercussions. There must be a boundary, and varying a little here and there, though at the time may seem "fair", but it only sets your training back.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

My husband and I had this problem with one son. We started staying home - a lot! We just couldn't go anywhere with him. So when he would have his tantrum when one of us would leave, the other would tell him why. "Your behavior is rude, people don't like to be with you when you behave like that. " Etc. The the other would come back and say something like, "My that was nice, no hassles or anything."

We never told him he was bad, we just tried to reinforce the social thing. How people would frown at him when he behaved like that. We wouldn't take him anywhere for quite a while (a couple of months, I think) When he started throwing toys in fits of anger, those toys disappeared. Everything throwable was removed or put way up high. We worked really hard at ignoring him and keeping an eye on him at the same time when he would have these tantrums.

Once in a while we would take him with us and if he acted up, we would keep him home again. Every time he misbehaved we waited until he calmed down and then talked about his behaviour.

To make him feel like a contributing member of the family we would request his help and participation every chance we could. "Here, help me tie up the trash bag, thank you, that was very nice of you to help me" It really helped a lot when his dad would ask for him to retreive a hammer, newspaper, ect. ]

It really takes a conscious effort from both parents. Just as we were thinking OMG we're gonna have to get some serious councelling here, he just stopped.. All the time and effort we put into our parenting, building love, trust, self-worth really worked. But it is hard. It's amazing what a two-year old can do! If it isn't stopped now, it will get unbelievably worse later. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Stop using time out. They only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Time outs are a way for you to control your child but not a way for a child to learn self-control. They are a punishment, not a discipline.

Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If he damages something in the home, money comes out of his piggy bank or he earns money doing things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the punishment fit the crime.

Another technique you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take him gently by the hand and put him in a spot in your home (his room, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (listen, stop, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spots a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he behaves. Keep it up!

You can also give him a place to scream or something to hit or bite (a pillow). Take him to this place when he starts up and say "You can (scream, hit) this. Come back when you're finished." Also let him know that you do not want to be around him when he does this.

Find ways to help him learn to express himself instead of lashing out. Say things like "I can tell that you are (upset, angry, mad, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?"

Notice him when he is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 6

Everybody does what works. Throwing a tantrum works for him because it gets him attention. Either that, or you break down and give him whatever he was throwing the tantrum about. When he throws a tantrum ignore him. I mean ignore him completely. This may not be easy to do in public but you can certainly do it at home. Even if he has the tantrum until he wears himself out and falls asleep. He has to learn that throwing a tantrum doesn't work anymore.

Spanking is on occasion OK, but if you have a tendency to "boil over" I would steer clear of any kind of corporal punishment, because the line between discipline and abuse can be really thin when you're angry.

Answer 7

It is developmentally appropriate for a child of his age to have tantrums. The tantrum is a response to frustration and the inability to communicate his feelings and emotions verbally. The smallest thing can set off a tantrum.

What you need to do is do your very best to stay calm. Get down to his level have him look you in the eye and tell him you understand that he is upset/angry/sad/frustrated/etc. but you cannot help him if he is screaming/thrashing all over the place/hitting/biting/etc. If he continues with the hitting and screaming tell him that when he calms down you will help him and then ignore the tantrum until he stops. Any reaction (Postitive or Negative) will reinforce the undesirable behavior. When he starts to calm down get down to his level, look him in the eyes and ask him again- Are you ready to talk to me?

He needs you to help him find the words to communicate the problem. Even children with a pretty good vocabulary can still get frustrated and have difficulty telling you what the problem is so you need to be patient with him.

Make sure that when you talk to him you are down at his level and that you are making eye contact. It is very important for him to see that you are calm, ready and willing to help him.

If you are consistant with your reactions and responses to the tantrums they will eventually stop.

Also, try to see things through his eyes. Kids are not little adults. They don't always see or feel things the same way adults do.

On a personal note, I would like to add that spanking is never a good solution to any problem. Hurting a child does nothing but instill fear and ruin a good relationship. Think about how you would feel if someone hauled off and hit you because you weren't conforming to their rules.

Answer 8

I have a 2 year old girl who just about does tha same thing. My husband and I are in the same boat you are. I think the key is consistency. I know how hard that is. We've tried time outs, spanking, yelling with no results. I watched "Super Nanny" on TV last night and had a schocking revelation. If I don't do something quick, my child will wind up like the horrid 9 year old girl on this show. (kicking, hitting, biting) I think this is what I'm gonna do: be more consistant with the time outs. Sit down with her and explain why she's in time out. The general rule for timing is 1 min per your child's age. So mine would be in there for 2min. After that's up, I think I'm gonna ask her to apoligize for what she did wrong. I have an emotional struggle with spanking. Part of me feels that by us hitting our children, it shows them that hitting is the way to solve problems. Another part of me feels like sometimes, that's the only thing that actually gets through to her. So my summarized suggestion is this: stay calm and in control. The more upset and angry you get, the more they will react the same. You are the parent and your child needs to know that. (easier said than done, I know.) And follow through, no empty threats. Maybe a reward for good behavior would coax your son in the right direction. Good luck!

Answer 9

My daughter who is now three would get really mad at her older brother and would hit him, scream, try biting and these temper tantrums would get bad and last for hours.

I believe in spanking, but with all the laws against it I would just try and hold him until he calms down. I have been told that they can hurt themselves while in their "mood". So just hold him, talk to him, tell him that you love him and don't want to see him acting like this because it hurts you. Now her tempur tantrums last only a few minutes. But the bad part is, is that she thinks she is the princess and I don't think that will ever stop.

Answer 10

they don't call it terrible-twos for nothing:)I can very well feel for you because my son used to throw tantrums quite a lot.Well it works differently for each person.So many people have given ideas on this board.
But I don't think spanking works.It just makes things worse. Be very very calm-extra calm when he throws tantrums. Tell him calmly that unless he stops screaming he is not going to get it. If he does not listen and it becomes too much for you to handle, just walk away for a while . Make sure that he is in a safe and secure environment and will not get hurt.Sticker thing works. Tell him that for one calm day you will give him stickers. Make a sticker chart. For every smiley day, he gets he earns pointsand when he earns certain number of points he can have a trip to the park or can play in the sand and so on...little things that he can enjoy. Most of all give him lots lots and lots of love. Try to be patient(which I know is very hard) and try to listen to what he wants. If it is not possible for him to have that tell him a a calm , patient but firm voice.
I know it is very hard. But you will get through it. I have ben through the same and it gets better as they grow older:)