How do you make your mother happy after she's lost her husband of 30yrs of marriage?

Question

My father passed two years ago and my mother just can't seem to overcome her sadness. She's tried to date three different guys and they all were flops. She calls me crying, but I just don't know what to say to make her happy.

Answer 1

Just keep listening and being there for her. You sound like a great daughter :)

Answer 2

There is nothing that can replace what your mother lost two years ago. The only thing she needs at this point is a daily reassurance that she has you and that you are there for her. Call her every day if possible and remind her she did not loose everything since she's got you. Let her know she is yet to meet someone suitable for her just like her husband was.You'll be surprised how relaxed she'll be and how a new relationship will work out for her if she really thinks she needs it. My parents were married for 40yrs before my dad passed.

Answer 3

I am assuming your mother must be 50+ at least. Living together for thirty years happily brings spiritual love between husband and wife. Loosing a life partner is difficult to overcome. Love and respect from her own family (son, daughter, sister, grandchildren and more) will make her happier than dating with different guys. I need more information before I can advise what to say. If she has health insurance, she can receive psychotherapy.

Answer 4

lost through divorce or death? they are very different things, either way though there is a very definite grieving process and its something she just needs to go through. you can help by bringing her thoughtful little gifts, taking her out to eat (if she likes that), taking her shopping or on a weekend trip to the beach or the mountains...just make sure that what you do is about what SHE loves, maybe she's forgotten she loves it, think back to when you were a kid, what did she like? my mom loved music so that would be a good little gift for her (if she was alive). if your mom is one that loves taking care of people (as many moms are) let her make a family dinner, get her to volunteer at teaching kids at summer camp or helping elderly folks, there are many things she can do but she needs to grieve but she also needs to stay busy enough that she doesn't get stuck and lost in her grief. if she has grandkids let her spend time with them, bring her into your family for dinner or movie night or whatever, just include her so she doesn't feel like all is lost and she is all alone in the world. then after some time has passed get her dating again.

Answer 5

TIme is the biggest healer. Just dont give up on her. Be there for her and you dont bring up her husband if she wants to then let her. Plus she doesnt really have to forget and move on.....30 years is a long time. She will never completely move on. How can you not remember 30 years of day to day juggling with this person ....with whom you built a life together. YOu cant forget and just move on like turning a page in the book. It is not necessary for her to meet someone ...get her involved in other things to get her mind off it. She might not forget him but she can divert her attention in something else. Why dont you guys take up a project together like some kind of cooking class, pottery class...something.

Answer 6

Start by letting her talk about her memories and her grief. If you live close to each other, take her out. You could have lunch, go to a movie, the museum, take a walk through a garden, etc. Encourage her to join a book club, learn how to do something new, or even get a pet. Grief is a personal and unique emotion for each of us. There is no time limit. She needs to find something she enjoys to focus on.

Answer 7

The same thing happened to me. My dad past away 4 years ago and my mom is still very upset about it and in a deep depression. All you can do is be there when she wants to talk or cry. Its also helps to go places together and get her out of the house. But the pain will never go away. Its probably going to be this way until they pass away . All you can do is be there for her.

Answer 8

Only she can make herself happy by accepting the situation. You can help her get over this mishap but getting her to concentrate on herself and her own personal developement. Say mom you were married for 30 years and now you have time to yourself-What can you do for you for a change. If she has any hobbies she really enjoys encourage her in every effort she makes to excel in what she does, participate- even if it is something you don't enjoy it. This is the perfect opportunity for her to make something more of her existence and to prove to herself she doesn't need a man to help her do that. I hope she feels better about it soon.

Answer 9

You can't "make" anyone happy. She has to decide to be happy. 30 years is a long time. Tell her she doesn't ever have to forget her husband, she can hold him in her heart forever, and move on. You can't erase 30 years. If she's had time to heal, have her ask herself if he'd like her happy or miserable for the rest of her life. I see you want to help, it's hard to look at that pain, but she'll adjust in her own time. Your "help" may actually make it more difficult for her. If she's really depressed, counseling may not be out of the question.

Answer 10

Speaking from experience I know that no one can make you
happy, that takes a lot of time to actually be happy again.
However if you are just there for her that is the best thing you can do. Listen and offer suggestions because it's hard to think & plan at a time like this. Give her your support. Blessings to you both.

Answer 11

I lost my husband 18 months ago. Yes I did lean on my sons for a while but I learned how to stand on my own. If she is ready to talk let her. Let her cry when she needs too. Be there for her. Just listen to her. I found someone else and he gave me the space I needed to grieve.Dawn