tell me your funniest joke
2006-06-13 07:45:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
your moms a good joke
2006-06-13 07:59:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You Know You're A Redneck When...
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
2006-06-14 04:54:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man was getting up in age and wanted to have a thrill. so he went and bought a corvette. he was traveling 85 miles per hour up I-95 when he saw a state trooper in his rear view mirror. he increased his speed to 90. the state trooper finally pulled the guy over. the state trooper told the guy that he was getting off in 30 minutes, if he could give him a reasonable explanation why he was doing 90 that he would let him go. The man told the trooper that three years ago his wife left him for a state trooper, and he thought he was trying to bring her back. Ha Ha
2006-06-13 14:55:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo momma's so fat, she crossed the street in front of me, I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas.
So this guy walks into a bar and sets this little guy playing a piano on the bar. Everyone is just amazed and the bartender asks, "Where did you get that little guy?" The guy pulls out an equally amazing genie in a bottle. "This genie gave him to me. Here, I'll let you make a wish." So the bartender thinks carefully for a moment, then takes the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks." Suddenly, the bar is filled with ducks, quacking all over the place. "What the hell? I wished for a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS."
The guy takes his genie back, "What, you think I wished for a 14" pianist?"
2006-06-13 15:37:27 · answer #4 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breath out of that thing?
A man was at the bar and orderred his Special.
A lady thought he was cute and ordered the same thing.
She asked him what it was and he told her that it was a secret but after two drinks he could fly around the building!
They both downed the first and then a second.
The man then got up, walked to the window and flew around the building 3 times, landing at her feet!
She was amazed! Then she finished her second drink and walked to the window and jumped. She fell 52 stories to her death!
The bar tender looked at the man and shook his head.
He then said, "Jeez, you're nasty when you're drunk, Superman!"
2006-06-13 14:48:11 · answer #5 · answered by Texas Cowboy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
2006-06-13 14:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by hlpz76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want a good joke just go look in the mirror
2006-06-13 15:17:06 · answer #7 · answered by joegossum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
blonde jokes
2006-06-13 15:04:27 · answer #8 · answered by Laura Lovehagle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Towed my car the other day. Their was nothing wrong with it. It was cheaper than buying gas!
2006-06-13 14:52:11 · answer #9 · answered by ZQ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Give him a BJ
2006-06-13 14:50:47 · answer #10 · answered by ohtwoman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋