Do you think a mother should do this to her child?

Question

I know a woman who left her 3 month old daughter to join the Army and go to Germany. The child was adopted and raised by it's grandmother and great-grandmother. The birth mother hated the child after she returned from overseas and saw that the girl had grown to know her grandmother as mommy and her great-grandmother as grandma. Now the girl is a grown woman, and the birth mother makes no attempt still to have a relationship with her daughter, and tells other family members "she doesn't want to have anything to do with her" and "I'm not her mother". Should the adoption excuse this behavior? Or, should the woman have tried to have a relationship with her daughter regardless since it was an open, family adoption? Should a mother say she hates her child to other family members? What could such behavior denote about the parent?

RJ, yep. The "girl" was me. :)

Answer 1

What could such behavior denote about the parent??? She's a bad parent, period. If she feels this way toward her own child, then she has serious issues and in my opinion is a worthless excuse for a parent. Where's Dad in the equation? I'm assuming this was an "accidental" (i.e., unwanted) pregnancy in the first place.

The child is probably better off with Grandma and Grandpa and hopefully realizes that her biological mother is garbage. Grandma and Grandpa should have kicked daughter to the curb a long time ago and shouldn't even want her to come around.

She shouldn't say or do the things she did, but she does, and nothing will change that. I just hope the child doesn't let mom come around when she's old and dying and needs money. She should simply reciprocate the treatment she got.

Answer 2

It's the mothers fault for not communicating with the family as well as the child. I'm a mother of two boys and if I were in the predicament as her I would of never just stop talking with my child or the other family members. The mother chose to go over in the Army the child didn't make her go. For her to say that she's not her mother the child was better off being adopted by someone in the family that loves her, instead of someone that didn't want her. The child was right to call the grandmother-mom and the great-grandmother/grandma, they are the only two people that took care of her and loved her enough to adopt her. A mother should never say she hates her child, that child could and would be scared for the rest of their lives. To say you hate your child, it must be something that the parent did and feels bad about it and wants to blame it on that child. A parent should have a child because they want to, and love that child unconditionally regardless of the situation that they might be in.

Answer 3

who knows why a person acts the way they do but no mater what the birth mother says it is her daughter and always will be. It is her choice not to want to have a relationship with her daughter but it is only hurting both of them. Seems like the mother needs some growing up to do. So no the adoption should not exuse this behavior, and a mother should never say she hates her child. The causes for the mothers actions are most likely internal and within herself.

Answer 4

It sounds like the child is better off with the grandmother. The mother unfortunately doesn't seem mature enough to be a proper mother, even now. She seem a little bitter maybe disowned by her daughter whom which no one can blame seeing as she (the child) was disowned herself. As a mother it is an inexcusable attitude, but it seems to me better for the child because she was brought up by someone who wanted her. A mother should never hate her child, let alone tell people that. I am glad to hear that this child did not have to suffer by being raised by her birth mother who would have been no mother at all. Please don't refer to her as such.... she doesn't deserve it.

Answer 5

I think the birth mother should try to spend some time with her daughter no matter what. Even though she is a grown women that doesn't mean any thing a mother is a mother and i feel that she should take on her responsibility and at least try to bond with her daughter.

Answer 6

I'd say if the mother is that way, that the daughter isn't missing out on anything but a selfish woman who has priorities elsewhere. So no the mother shouldn't do that to her child, but the child may just be better off without her.

Answer 7

How the woman feels about her child is obviously not about the child. This woman has an internal struggle going on that may never come to a conclusion. It's a relationship that is not worth persuing especially if one person wants nothing to do with the other.

Answer 8

How she feels is how she feels but she needs to keep it to herself. That poor woman (the child, that is) has enough against her without adding that her birthmother hates her. How terrible. She is just better off to stay away from her birth mother and all she says about the situation.
I hope she is getting help to deal with her mother's treatment of her.

Answer 9

The mother might be experiencing shame. Understandably. How can she deal with it other than to make herself believe that she hates her daughter. Is she still around though? Like she doesn't want to move away?

Answer 10

i think you have to look at it in a different way what do you consider a mom? someone who loves you takes care of you protects you puts your needs before there's well consider that.i wouldn't be upset i mean it sounds like this child was very loved and who could ask for more as for the mother saying she hated the child my guess is shes just jealous because her child grew up so loved and cared for and turned out so well.