how do you know when your raising your young child right, to be a good person?

Question

i got pregnant and married really young and now my son is two and i divorced his drunken,abusive father and now he just seems real distructive and angry with me. i mean he doesnt even listen to me anymore and always has an additude when he comes back from his dads. i just dont want to be doing anything wrong on my end to make him be hateful towards me or to make him a bad person. please help!!!!

Answer 1

Please what ever you do, do not blame yourself for the way your son is acting totally, it takes two, It has to be something that your ex-husband is doing or not doing and you may not want to hear this but, you & your ex need to come together and fix this problem together.
Two year olds are at their worst at this stage because they are coming into their own now, they are begining to test how far they can go with their parents, if you let him get away with things now, it will get worst the older he gets.
It's just a testing feild for him now, you and your husband have to stop this now.
Do not let no one tell you that you can't spank your child cause if you don't spank now when he gets in his teens it will be too late to try to then, and then the world will tell you that it's your fault that he is soooo bad.
Be the parent not the friend to the child, he will have all the friends in the world when he gets older, for now he needs to know that momma & daddy loves him enough to put limits on his behavior now so he will know right from wrong, when it counts.

Answer 2

Wow, this is a dificult situation. Nobody can say the rigth way to raise a child, that is something that you have to figure out, depending of a lot of situations. I would like to give you some advices, that i hope can help you. I am a single mother of an 11 y/o boy, so, i have been there.

First of all, you have to be ready to get some angry from your kid, there are lots of frustration in a kid's life, that can become from the lack of his father, the time you don't spend with him, some figth with a friend, everything can be a reason for them to be stressed, and you are the easy target.
So, you have to be strong, and help him to go trougth them. Don't let him do whatever he wants to show his anger, you have to teach him what is allowed and what is not allowed, nomatter how strong is his anger, his problem, his rage, you have to give him some punishment if he disrespect you.
Once he is calmed enougth, what i used to do is to try to figure out where that angry comes, i did even told hem a couple of times, see, you are angry with your friend, with your father, with yourself because you didnt do your homework, and that's why you got that grade. And i try to teach him how to take out the rage in a better way, i even teach him to hit his pillow as a way to take out the feeling.
If the problem is that you have rules, and his father has no rules, then you have to be strong too, but explain him that it has to be like that, and why is it.

Don't let him be stronger that you ever!

Answer 3

ok i have 1 question for ya..why is he going to his Dads's if his dad is abusive and has an addiction?? Maybe hes angry at you for making him go where hes not be taken care of?? You need to go get a court order stating that his father needs a third party to see his son. (try the county court house and ask the help desk what paperwork you will need to fill out to get a mandatory third party for your son). This way your son will be guaranteed to be safe. Your Ex will still then also be able to have a relationship with your son too. Its about the child and needs to be about the child and whats in his best interest! You can also check out your local domestic abuse shelter, sometimes they have personal that can act as a child advocate or point you in the direction for one. many times these can be free services, esp if you meet a low income eligibility!

Also i would try to take your son to a child psychologist/counselor or social worker. If you can not afford one and can't get services for one then see if you can find a childs group for him to attend.(also can be found through your local domestic hotline or abuse shelter)

If you are interested, tell me what city you live and I will get you the resources to call and seek help!

Answer 4

I agree with one of the answers above. He's only 2 yrs old so I wouldn't worry too much about his behavior. Although the bad behavior still needs to be corrected, it's not a reflection of bad parenting. He'll probably grow out of it soon and if not then that is the time to start worrying. The best thing you can do right now to make sure he doesn't turn out bad is to let him know what is bad behavior and praise him for his good behavior. The earlier you start doing that, the better.

Answer 5

To answer your question, one must first answer the age-old question of "what is good" which unfortunately can vary from person to person (from a non-Socratarian point of view). Where some believe good to be a lack of evil, others have other requirements. In my personal opinion a person is "good" when they regularly show concern for others out of non-selfish reasons. So, since "good" is a personal point of view, define "good" in your own terms and make all the comparisons you wish.

To address the rest of your post.... First dear, it’s called the terrible two's for a reason, it is a developmental time in a child’s life often fraught with belligerence, fits, crying, and exploring things they ought not to. If you believe your child's actions to be out of the norm there are things you can do:

Ask other parents... ask them if their child has ever done a particular deed, or if they ever behave(d) a certain way. You may be surprised at the answers you get.

Control yourself... When you have your child with you, make sure to control the emotional level of the environment. Avoid unrequired yelling, crying or releases of frustration. When your child misbehaves always respond in the most constructive way you can. This is not to say you can't punish the child for misbehavior, but to do so without going to an extreme, as this will reinforce such behavior in them as well.

Be positive!... Be a positive force in your child's life. When he/she does something wrong, couple your dissatisfaction with encouragement to do better. Spend positive time with them whenever you can and after each disagreement you have. Play a game, cuddle up, let them know they are loved.

Don't talk smack! Never call your child names, or become emotionally abusive. If you have a bad relationship with the other parent, do not compare the child and the parent. Additionally encourage a healthy relationship with the other parent as long as such a relationship is feasible. Always speak about the other parent in a positive manner, do not speak degradingly or display hostility regarding them... this will foster harsh feelings not only between your child and ex-partner, but could also foster them between you and your child!

Be aware of the second household. Do not use old wounds or slights as reason to come between your child and their other parent. Make sure your not "inventing issues" and never use your child as ammunition in a fight, but at the same time you need to be aware of potentially abusive or unhealthy situations in the other household. If you suspect one, seek professional advice regarding the specific situation. Remember however, that legal battles are hard on kids and can bring about hard feelings and other emotional issues... be sure of yourself and that you are choosing the best possible road, and exhausting all other possibilities before taking rash action.

Finally... having separate households can be hard on a child... it’s just a fact of life... as they get older it may or may not get easier. The best thing you can do is try to provide consistency in their life. From times of visitation to punishment methods, consistency is going to be key in your child’s life, and will help allieve A LOT of his/her frustrations.

Oh... and btw... he is only 2, try and focus less on what you think he is, and focus on his potential, you'll both be the better for it.

Answer 6

You have a really tough situation. Make sure that you are not reinforcing negative behaviour. When you son is in your house he has to follow your rules. Try to avoid being critical of his father because it will make it more difficult for him to tell the difference between you and him. Give the best example you can. If it gets really bad, you should consider making a complaint against the father and trying for sole custody. But remember, you have to remain yourself, solid, understanding , consistent and loving.

Answer 7

I had the same problem. I have raised four children of my own and have had foster children. The best advice you can ever get is to take your son to church and train him up to know God. (You may already have him in church i don't know if you have.. YOU GO GIRL.. you are to be commended. His dad maybe trying to use him against you. All my children respect me but..its because they learned to. And yes I had to bust their butts a few time..Hey i got my butt whipped everytime I even gave my parents a look. LOL I learned real quick to be good. I love my parents for being strict and teaching me right from wrong. I think that is why this world is getting into the shape its in. People are afraid to punish their kids. I don't mean abuse them now, I mean let them know when they have crossed the line. Being a good mother is showing them lots of love and being there for them.. Above all ..LISTEN to them..be patient..and Pray that God will help you. AND he will. God bless...I'll be praying for you sis. id ya need me holla back anytime...

Answer 8

Be patient... I was the child in this one and thought my mother was the reason that my father wansn't in our life. Then I grew up and realized that any contact I had with him was always started by me (even with a free phone) This showed me who was really taking care of me. My mother and step father were at most every event and supported me through college both financially and psychologically. If you are doing all of this, your child should turn out to be ok... Just as long as you take an interest in your child...

Answer 9

When other people tell you. Sometimes you can't see or know how you are parenting until the day comes when someone compliments on how well mannered your child is. It happened to me today. I am just doing what I think is right and trying to raise my children with the same values my parents instilled in me.

Answer 10

Your son is TWO! He's in the "terrible twos" stage. All kids are like that at that age. Even my 2 year old daughter who is being raised by her loving, full-time mommy. He'll grow out of it.