Funniest joke?

Question

If you post the funniest joke i'll choose you as best answer and you'll get 10 points

Answer 1

a woman who is very dovuot asks God how long she has to live, he says ten years she immediatley goes for plastic surgery on her way out looking ten years younger she's run down and dies she asks god why and he says i didn't recognise you

Answer 2

Once There Was A Prince In The Oldern Days [No Letters], He Laughed At A Ugly Lady, However It Turned Out To Be A Witch, The Witch Cursed The Prince. The Curse Was That The Prince Can Only Say 1 Thing For A Year, But, He Can Accumulate It. Once, He Saw A Princess And Fell Madly In Love With Her, So, She Waited For 3 Years And Told The Princess," I Love You "". The Princess Replied I Love You Too. Now, The Prince Wanted To Marry Her, So He Waited For Another 5 Years And Told The Princess, "I Want To Marry You!" Then The Princess Replied," What Did You Say?"

Answer 3

A sign in a local office read

"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
It gets the job.

Answer 4

3 englishmen were stranded in a desert and hadn't eaten for weeks. They came across a pig cooked to perfection but couldn't decide what to eat first. Then one of them came up with an idea, he said "We will decide what to eat first by the football teams we support." Everyone agreed. The first person said "I support Liverpool so I'll eat the liver. The second person said " I support Heartly so I'll eat the heart. The third one said " I support Arsenal so... I'm not hungry any more"

Answer 5

George Bush went out for a jog one morning. And along the way he ran into a young boy sitting on his lawn watching his newborn puppy. Bush asked the boy if had chosen a name yet? The young boy enthusiastically answered "Republican". Well... Bush said "atta boy" patted the young boy on the head and continued on his jog.

A couple weeks later Cheney decided to join Bush on his morning jog and they came across the young boy again. Bush said "Dick you must come see this puppy" Bush then said so proudly, tell Dick the name of your puppy young man.

The young boy loudly answered "Democrat". Bush was quite confused and asked what had happened, why he changed the name? The boy then ansewered "That was before he opened his eyes"


I hope you like it, I would love the points. Hope you get a good laugh on your search for the best. TC

Answer 6

ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............

Answer 7

TWO COUPLE WERE PLAYING GOLF AND THE GIRL HIT ONE OF THE BIG HOUSES. SO BOTH WALKED INTO THE HOUSE AND SAW BROKEN GLASSES AND BOTTLES ON THE FLOOR. A MAN SHOWS UP AND ASKED"IS THIS YOUR GOLF BALL?"
THE BOYFRIEND IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZED AND OFFERED MONEY TO FIC EVERYTHING BUT BEFORE HE FINISH THE MAN SAID," OH PLEASE IT'S OK. YOU SAVED MY LIFE. YOU SEE, IM A GENIE AND I'VE BEEN INSIDE THE BOTTLE. I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES FOR SETTING ME FREE. ONE FOR EACH OF YOU AND THE LAST IS FOR ME.
SO THE COUPLE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND AGREED
THE BOYFRIEND WENT FIRST,"I WANT A MILLION DOLLAR EVERY YEAR".
YOUR WISH IS GRANTED THE GENIE SAID.
THE GIRLFRIEND WISHES " I WANT A HOUSE ON EACH COUNTRY"
"YOU GOT IT", THE GENIE SAID. "NOW THE LAST WISH IS FOR ME. AS YOU CAN SE I'VE BEN STUCK FOR A LONG TIME AND HAVE'NT HAD SEX. SO I WISH TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND".
THE TWO COUPLES LOOKS AT EACH OTHER.
"WEL, HONEY I HAVE MY MILLION DOLLARS AND YOU HAVE YOU HOUSES. I DONT MIND..DO YOU?" BOYFRIEND ASKED.
"YOU'RE RIGHT..SURE WHY NOT"
SO THE GENIE AND THE GIRL WEN UPSTAIRS WHILE THE BOYFRIEND REMAINED DOWNSTAIRS.
THE GENIE AND GIRL DID THEIR THING FOR THREE HOURS. WHEN THEY WERE DONE THE GENIE LOOKED AT THE GIRL AND ASKED,"HOW OLS IS YOU'RE BOYFRIEND?".
"HE'S 38. WHY?".

"HE STIL BELIEVES IN GENIES??"

Answer 8

a guy goes to the doctor for a checkup.the doctor says i have good news and bad news,which would you like first.

the guy says the good news.

the doctor says" you have cancer and 6 weeks to live."

the guy is stunned and asks if thats the case of being good,whats the bad news.

the doctor says "you also have alzheimer's so you won't notice either way."

Answer 9

hope you hate bush!

Mrs. Bush dies (after her husband is already dead) and goes to limbo(resting place after death before you go to heaven or hell) where she meets Mother Teresa. She is the keeper of these magical clocks tha tmove every time you lie. Her clocks never moved because she never lied. Abraham Lincolon's moved twice because he lied twice. When Mrs. Bush asks where her husband's clock is, mothe teresa says: "oh, that one? it's in my office. i use it as a ceiling fan."

have fun!

Answer 10

a guy and a woman were roommates and one day the mother of the guy wanted to meet hes roommate and his mother asked both if they sleep in different beds and they say yes and his mother tell them ok and she go upstairs to the bathroom and then she go home.the next morning the woman tell the guy that her trophy was missing and she suspect that was hes mother so he call her mother and asked if she took his roommate trophy and she said"if your roommate sleep in her bed she already would findet"