My stepson is 9 years old. He has just repeated the 2nd grade because he failed reading the first time. This child LOVES to read, he just is slow in learning the words. When he asked his Mom to take him to the library, she said no. So I took him. Should I say something to her about this? I feel like she is doing him an injustice by ignoring him. I also feel that if she had helped him with his homework to begin with, he wouldn't have failed.
2006-06-13 06:52:34 · 38 answers · asked by ksbruner04 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Hey Guys
Most of your answers seem to be to tell my husband to talk to her. Here's the thing: HE REFUSES TOO! They did not have a good marriage because she screamed at him all the time. So..to avoid confrontation, he doesn't say anything. See why it's so difficult?
2006-06-15 06:11:56 · update #1
No, she obviously does not care. You help him all you can. He will appreciate you so much in the future and perhaps you will end up with custody.
2006-06-13 06:57:15 · answer #1 · answered by businesscardstoday@pacbell.net 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's wonderful that you love your stepson and want to help him.
Do you get along with his mother? Can you 2 talk without fighting? If the answer is yes to both of them then by all means talk to her about his love of reading. You can offer to take him to the library if she can't or won't. You could even offer to help him with his homework. Don't make the birth mother feel like you're attacking her or questioning her parenting skills because that will really be bad and cause bad feelings all around.
If the answer is no to them then talk to your husband about your concerns and let him talk to her.
Being a step parent is like walking a tightrope. You have to be very careful. We have an extended family and sometimes it can get very hairy. No matter how much you do love the child, the thing to keep in mind is that you're a step parent. Your husband and his ex are the parents and in the end it is them that will have to handle things. I know that may sound harsh but that's just the way it is.
My husband's ex was very territorial with their son, didn't want their son interacting with me while he was growing up, until he joined the military, and then he became "our son". So I know what it feels like to be a step parent. So I guess the best thing to do is talk to your husband about your concerns and let him handle it with his ex.
2006-06-13 12:14:30 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In that situation it is best to let his father (your husband) handle his ex-wife. If you step in she will not listen to you because your the enemy. She will see it as a person attack on her by you and will not take you serious. It will just cause you heartache and your stepson will take the brunt. I suggest you do all you can to help him when he is with you and have your husband talk to the boys mother. I can tell you are truely concerned for your stepson's development..and that you love this little boy..but his mother probably won't see it that way. You should be comended not everyone would care about someone elses child like you do...keep up the good work!! I know my step mother sure didn't!!
2006-06-13 07:04:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that is wrong because you are looking out for the best interest of the child if she refuses to help her son or take him to the library she is the cause of him failing 2nd grade so she must be oblivious to the fact that she is the one doing this to this boy. You should not have to be his mother she should and it is wrong what she is doing and maybe if you do not talk to her maybe his father should but you guys are both in the right I think.
2006-06-13 10:26:21 · answer #4 · answered by Robin F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a delicate situation and addressing it really depends on how well established the lines of communication are. Maybe when she was asked, she wasn't able to take him at that time, to a child, the answer was just "no".
I am in a similar situation, my son has a stepmom, and what we do is have "meetings" every 6 months or so, to discuss anything concerning the child. Maybe invite her to lunch or coffee. I wouldn't bring up her lack of helping the child, but instead bring up the fact that he likes reading and needs extra help, brainstorm for ideas on "what WE can do to help the child". It boils down to what is best for the child and in a double parent home, raising children really is a team effort. hope this helps.
2006-06-13 07:03:33 · answer #5 · answered by coloradosnoflake2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it depends on how she is. If you always have problems with her, I would suggest not to, but if you do, I would tell your husband to talk to her about it first. If that doesn't work, then I would ask her out to lunch one day. Keep it casual, calm and professional. You don't want to put her down and accuse her of not taking care of her own...especially if you are now married to her former husband. I would bring it up and just be honest, and let her know you are just concerned about it. Even if she gets mad, if she's a decent mother she will think about it later when she cools off and realize that you're right.
But just expect for her to be a little deffensive at first, this is kind of a hard blow. Good luck!
2006-06-14 06:16:02 · answer #6 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation. Maybe she didn't have the time to take him to the library. Nobody can sya for sure whether or not she cares. You can voice your opinion to her and feel her out. If she is not going to step up and help then that is what you are there for. You married a man with kids and you become a Mother to them as well as their own mom. You could've been there equally. It will take an effort on both of you to raise this little boy.
2006-06-13 08:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for this lady is set a good example. YOU take the child to the library and he will keep asking his mom to take him too, and keep talking about how much he enjoys his trips to the library with you. Either she will start taking him or she won't. But if you make an issue of it, then here is no way she can start taking him to the library without 'losing face' in front of you.
2006-06-13 07:09:40 · answer #8 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should say something. Also, ask the school if they offer extra help. My daughter was having some problems with reading in the beginning of second grade and she went to a reading class for 3 months that the school offered and now she reads above grade level.
2006-06-13 07:16:51 · answer #9 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy are you in a bad situation. What ever needs the child has it might be best if your husband conveys the request. Now when you have the child make sure that you are doing everything that is best for the child. Also you might talk to his teacher about some of your thoughts and maybe she can convey it as a request to the mother.
2006-06-13 10:48:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it all depends on how you approach her about it. It you act like you're condemning her, or pointing fingers then she'll probably not be to happy about it. If you approach her as a concerned parent wanting the best for the child, and talk together about how to solve the problem--and what you both can do to help him...she may be more willing to listen.
In either case, pissing her off by going at her isn't going to do anything to help the child, or the relationship between the two of you.
2006-06-13 07:00:07 · answer #11 · answered by Mandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋