If my mother-in-law never wanted me to marry her son, why should she see our children?

Question

My mother-in-law has hated me since she met me 5 years ago. She told my husband to not marry me, she had a fit when he married me against her wishes.

I feel that since she doesn't think I am good enough to be married to her son, then she should be limited on how much she sees our (future) children.

She essentially never wanted them to be born, and tried to keep us from starting our own family, so why should she enjoy any happiness that comes from our hated marriage?

We feel she should have limited contact with our children, and ALWAYS be supervised, that's if she even wants anything to do with them.

Oh and she is still horrible to me and talks behind my back. My husband thinks she will talk bad about me to our children!

HELP

Answer 1

Hello I sympathize with you. I had the same problem with my mother in law. we had the hardest time being around each other and when my first child was born I didn't want her to see him mostly just so she would be as hurt by my rejection to have her as a grandma to my kids, than i was by her rejection to be her sons wife. But as time went by I realized what this was doing to my kids and my husband no matter how much i didn't like my mother in law and she didn't like me it wasn't fair to the kids for them to miss out on that part of their life. your husband can't choose who his mother is and no matter how wrong she may be he is her mother and he loves her very much she raised him and all she wants is whats best for him. I know this is probably hard to hear but I completely understand where you are coming from. and one thing that i had to realize was i was being selfish. what you need to do is talk to her tell her that you know she doesn't like you but you would like to try to have a good relationship with her for the sake of your husband and your kids. how would you feel if you son married someone that you weren't sure about and they kept your grand kids from you?? it would hurt very bad. I know that it is really hard but I promise it will get easier. my husband and i separated for 2 years because of this. and now we are back together and i get along with his mother and everyone is better off.
So think about what I've said and if you need more advice or have any questions please email me at [e-mail] I'm only 23 but i have a lot of experience in this.

oh and about her talking bad about you to your kids. set boundaries like if the kids come home and tell you that she said something bad then she won't be able to she them for a while. tell her that you don't talk bad the kids about her so you would appreciate he being an adult about it and doing the same.

Answer 2

I think that the first thing you need to do is ask yourself some questions. Am I doing this because I feel it is the right thing to do for all involved or am I doing this to seek revenge or punish my mother in law. When you have children, you should have a list of do and don't in hand and have a long talk with you mother in law. Also I believe that counseling would be a good idea for both of you and your husband's mother. Sometimes someone outside of the family can see the situation and make suggestions to resolve some of the issues of both sides. No one likes to feel rejection, especially from a family member, so I have impathy for you. I was also rejected by my husband's family, because I was so different from them. I could see how much this hurt my husband and it made me so upset that I didn't want to go around them. Over the years, they learned to accept me and I them, but it was difficult. I never kept the children from them. My children are grown and have a wonderful relationship with my husband's family and I take pride in that relationship. This is because this was one of the most difficult things I had to do in my life, but hate only makes everything worse. Believe it or not when my mother in law became very sick with cancer I brought her into my home and cared for her. She was still cold to me, during this time, but I did this because of the love I have for my husband. I am a nurse and this prevented her from going into a nursing home. If there is one thing that I have learned, I can only control my behavior, not anyone else's.

Answer 3

That a bad thing!! But sometimes it takes a grandson to bring families together give it a try if she is still the same then your are right, Limit everything and always remember if you and your husband are in agreement then everything else doesn't matter. When you got married it was a union of you and your husband not the in-laws. So if he sticks to you then it's all good.

Answer 4

WOW... This could put a good bit of strain on a relationship! If your husband is the only child or only son it is going to take an act from God to change her! If not pray on it... for real.. Also, while taken the spiritual approach try killing her with kindness. I know your not feeling me but take the high road! If your husband is cool with ditching the mother or giving her an ultimatum take that route! Change numbers, move or put your foot down as a united couple and take a stand together and don't budge!

Answer 5

I would keep the contact with your children minimal, to say the least. If she cannot accept you, she's showing a lack of respect for her sons choices. Whether she likes you or not, she should be considering of the fact that her son chose you, and she should get over it. I would be concerned that lack of respect would carry towards the children. Decide whats best for the children, and go from there. I don't think I could handle my kids being around someone who hates me, family or not. Good luck.

Answer 6

I completely understand,but your children do need to see their grandparents.The grandparent/grandchild relationship is different and special. Don't take that away from your children. As long as your in laws treat them right and love them,they should have a relationship. The animosity is between you and her. The kids play no part. Unless her intentions are harmful and hurtful,take the high road which unfortunately is always the hard road. Best of luck.

Answer 7

My mother-in-law hated me too. She felt like I was not good enough for her daughter. It wasn't fair. She compared me to her own ex-husband. I tried everything I could to win her over but she wasn't budging. Sadly she ended up committing suicide and never had the chance to see our two beautiful daughters. Had she lived, I would have allowed her to see them but would have made it perfectly clear that although she didn't care for me, she was going to treat me with respect. In the end, after 14 years of marriage, it was her own daughter that caused the end of the marriage by having an affair. Funny how things turn out isn't it?

Answer 8

united we stand
divided we fall

as long as you and your husband are thinking the same way towards her (united we stand) there is nothing mom in law can do to your marriage.

grandparents have no rights anywhere in the united states!
might not be fair, but it's the truth.

i would tell that woman straight up:
i don't care if you don't like me. i will still end up with what you own when you die. how does that make you feel?

it might make her stop in her tracks and re evaluate her life.

i know i'm a B. you think i don't know this by now? i don't tolerate CRAP in my life.

Answer 9

Well, once you give her grandbabies, she may have a change of heart and apologize for being a b*tch.

If that doesn't work, than definitely don't leave her alone with your children, becasue they are YOUR children and she can't do a damn thing if you keep them from her - except maybe realize how foul she is being and change her ways.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Have your husband stand up to her.
''Mom I love you,but that is my wife,and me and you will never be ok again until you start treating my Wife right,ok Mom?"


Don't let her walk all over you two.You are grownups now.You make your own decisions.If she wants to see some grandbabies she has to show the mother respect.