How do i tell my wife she needs to loose weight.?

Question

both of us were really into working out, i still do and she stopped since her new job saying she has no time. This is an excuse i work 12 hrs shifts and still have time. I tried talking to her about this and she said your suppose to love me for me. I told her yes true but if i stopped working out gained weight you woldnt like it. I really am not as attracted to her as i once was. How do i handle this.

yes i understand all that she dont listen to any of it. she always holds on to im busy.lol mean while i work 12 hrs go home lift and do on average a 5 mile run. but i will try some of your suggestions

yes it should be for her, but she has stated in the past if i gained weight she would be upset with me. so its not ok for her TOO Tired who ever u are. sorry if i hit a soft spot with you, little defensive i see maybe you can stand to loose a few yourself.

MN Vixen believe or not we split the house work, with my cutting the lawn, doing the laundry cleaning the bathrooms and garage. so as you see not only do i work 12 hr shifs i do the majority of the harder house work.. but thank you for your post i will take of what you said and use it ;)

Answer 1

If you work 12 hour shifts, who is doing the laundry? paying bills? buying groceries? running errands? yardwork? keeping the house/apartment clean? buying gifts and sending out cards to friends and family? if you have kids, who is helping them with their homework? running them to/from school? talking with teachers? taking the kids to/from activities (band, sports, whatever)?

If she says she is too busy, she probably is. If you want to help her find the time to exercize then take some of these tasks on so she does have time. And don't nag. If she doesn't do it for herself then she won't do it for you.

And she probably cares less about your physical appearance than you care about hers. I'm guessing here, but statistics say that overwhelmingly men are more concerned than physical appearance than women are. Just because you're "turned off" because she's stopped exercizing doesn't mean that she'll be "turned off" if you stop exercizing.

Answer 2

Wow, tough one. If she's stopped, and she says you should love her for her, it's going to be very difficult.

You could try making healthier dinners, but if you work 12 hours, you probably don't eat together much, and if she's stopped exercising, she's likely to just rebel by eating worse when you're not around.

Probably, your best bet is to throw out the old "I'm afraid it will ruin your health and you'll die, please grow old with me" line. Sadly, for this line to work, you must be able to prove to her that you will love her no matter what, and she generally has to reach an ungodly weight that causes every doctor who sees her to act surprised that she hasn't died of a heart attack already.

Your second best bet would be to tell her you want a divorce because she's too fat. However, there's about a 70% chance that she'll just take you up on the offer, and get a divorce. With working 12 hours a day, you're likely to have trouble getting the best lawyer, and meeting all the emergencies that a divorce proceeding requires, so you stand to loose a lot if you try this, and getting a new girl when you work 12 hour shifts would also be hard.

I suggest talking to her doctor first, if you're lucky, he can tell her a lot of horror stories about the dangers of weight loss, and then you'll stand a better chance of having her listen when you tell her you want her to be around when you grow old. I also suggest you spend a few months at least acting like you still love her very much for her, and don't care if she blimps out to 300, or even 400 pounds.

Answer 3

Telling a woman she's getting fat is never good! But on the other hand, you met your wife one way and now that you're marries she'd changing up on you which is not fair. I am a firm believer that whatever you did to get a person, you should continue to do to keep that same person. I say you talk to your wife respectively. Tell her that you miss the way you too used to work out together, and that you want bring back that aspect from the beginning of your relationship. Tell her that you still love her and that is why you want to make sure that she remains healthy and fit, so that you can have her around for years to come. You're not asking her to do anything negative so don't ask her in a negative manner, or you will just get a negative response. Be sensitive to her feelings but at the same time be firm in your request, if she loves YOU then she will really sit down and evaluate herself.

Answer 4

There is no nice way to say this. If you really would like to encourage her, let her know how much you love her for just being her, and be supportive instead of punishing her by complaining. Maybe let her know that you enjoy the workouts with her, and that you want her to live a long, healthy life together with you. Women respond much better to being cherished by a guy than they do to magging.

Maybe she really is working too much, and can't handle her job as easily as you can. Not everyone can handle a twelve hour shift, I sure can't. Perhaps she also does most of the work around home too? That's tiring too.

Good luck with your marriage, I hope that you two resolve this issue together. Get past this and life will be better for both of you.

Answer 5

Any viable solution to the problem, will involve effort on both your parts. Maybe try getting some extra time into your schedules, where you can begin walking or jogging regularly together. My girlfriend and I sometimes just have fun going to the softball diamond and pitching/hitting to each other for an hour or two. It will take a little creativity and effort, but try to find something enjoyable, athletically that you can both do. Throw some fun suggestions out there, that appeal to the "together" side of the relationship, and not just to her gaining some weight.

Answer 6

While I understand and empathize with your situation, first, you have to realize that no one can make another person lose weight or do anything else they have no desire to do. Nagging that person, even if they know it's what they need to do, will more than likely make them less determined to do what needs to be done.

Give her a little bit of time to adjust to the new job and demands that it probably places on her. At this point, she may honestly feel she does not have the time for herself to work out. Also, encourage her to take time out for herself (you don't have to tell her how to use that time). Maybe you can find a few ways at home to help her feel like she has more time (washing the dishes and helping with other household chores). Also, instead of encouraging a full work out, try getting her to take at least a walk with you.

I'm sure things will come around again. One last thought, don't compare your work day to hers. That's really annoying! My hubby works 10 hour days which I admit is more physical than my 12 hour days are but I deal with chronic pain management patients who are very manipulative. Mentally and physically, I"m exhausted at the end of my day even though it's not very physically challenging. My husband didn't understand why I was so tired at the end of my day until he spent one day in clinic with me and got a good look at what I deal with on a regular basis. Good luck!

Answer 7

Let's see, you could tell her that you really enjoyed the time exercising you spent together and it made you feel good that you were both doing something so healthy for eachother, together. Tell her you do love her for her and you always will. Maybe agree to a less strict exercise regimen at first so she can get back into the swing of things. If she still just doesn't think she has time for exercising, maybe ask or start eating healthier, ask her if you can both go on a diet together. Take her on walks in the evening or whenever and talk.

Answer 8

I think you should kindly tell her that you think she should lose some weight because you want her to look attractive for you. When you met her, was she already that size? If so, than you shouldn't ask her to lose weight because obvousily you did not care at that time. Now, if she was skinnier when you met her and she has gained some weight; I think you should causually mention to her that you would appreciate it if she lost some weight. You love her for her, but you would want your wife to look attractive and lose weight to please you.
Some men actually lie and say, "you look fine, you don't need to lose weight." My husband tells me that all the time, but in truth of reality; I've gained 15 pounds since I've met him 4 years ago. I know I wasn't the same as when he met me and I have to work at losing weight or else, I'll gain some more. Talk to your wife and be open. Explain how you feel. Be very careful how you say it and if she loves/respects you; it will be well. Good luck!

Answer 9

Wow, difficult one. If she's stopped, and she or he says you must love her for her, it'll be very tricky. You might take a look at making more fit dinners, however should you paintings 12 hours, you most often do not devour in combination so much, and if she's stopped exercise, she's prone to simply insurgent by means of consuming worse whilst you are no longer round. Probably, your excellent guess is to throw out the historical "I'm afraid it'll destroy your wellness and you'll be able to die, please develop historical with me" line. Sadly, for this line to paintings, you need to be ready to turn out to her that you're going to love her it doesn't matter what, and she or he regularly has to arrive an ungodly weight that motives each healthcare professional who sees her to behave amazed that she hasn't died of a middle assault already. Your moment excellent guess could be to inform her you desire a divorce considering she's too fats. However, there is approximately a 70% danger that she'll simply take you up at the present, and break up. With operating 12 hours an afternoon, you are prone to have difficulty getting the excellent attorney, and assembly all of the emergencies that a divorce continuing calls for, so that you stand to free plenty should you do that, and getting a brand new lady whilst you paintings 12 hour shifts could even be difficult. I recommend speakme to her healthcare professional first, if you are fortunate, he can inform her plenty of horror reviews approximately the risks of weight reduction, after which you'll be able to stand a bigger danger of getting her pay attention whilst you inform her you desire her to be round whilst you develop historical. I additionally recommend you spend a couple of months a minimum of performing such as you nonetheless love her very so much for her, and do not care if she blimps out to three hundred, and even four hundred kilos.

Answer 10

if she doesn't want to exercise that's her choice --- but let her know that it's not acceptable to cause problems in the marriage by over eating ---there are people who don't exercise much at all and they maintain a nice weight level by watching what they eat.
If she just wants to gain weight and refuses to do anything about being overweight --- then you have the right to make suggestions about getting help for being overweight .. If she pushes the love me for me --- tell her that if she wants to gain weight and compromise her health and the marriage --- she is succeeding. If the trend still continues, let her know you aren't going to stay in a marriage where their is disrespect, indifference and destructive behavior.