should i wait for him to return from korea?

Question

Hi!

I am in love with this guy who is in Iraq right now. We know each other for almost 2 years I would say. He left to Iraq as a US Army soldier last September and will return from his deployment in September this year. He started calling me a few months ago, writing letters and sending emails. I am in love, so is he.

He asked me if I would say yes, if he asked me to marry him. I said that I would say yes. He said we could get engaged soon and get married ASAP. Which was perfect. Started looking for dresses and planning. Now he told me that he will stay in Germany for 3 months and go on a one year deployment, without me. Since he cannot take me with him. Now he wants to wait with the wedding.

I builded all my lifeplans on him. He just took everything away from me- what sould I do? I love him. But I can not stay here waiting for him. Here in Germany where noone is understanding my situation?

Please help me, I am lost. I am scared that another deployment will change him.

Answer 1

OK, if you were "in love" with this guy there would be no question here but since you are asking than obviously you are not "in love" with him. If you are "in love" you would wait a hundred years for him, marriage is just a piece of paper, your souls would already be joined by your love for each other. He didn't take anything from you, you gave it to him. If you wanted to you could wait for him military wives and husbands have been doing it for centuries, centuries and all of a sudden women think that because their man is away they have a right to abandon all his hopes, dreams, that his feeling and emotions mean nothing. If you don't stand by him yes his deployment will change him because he will think of you as nothing more than a whore who used him and abandoned him. You can do this and if you loved him you would but to me it seems like you just wanted a wedding and a trophy husband rather than this man.

Sort out your feelings..

Tell him to request leave to get married and they usually give it. It may not be your dream wedding but tell him that at least the US Military will look after you during his deployment as well as in the case of his death. Most military life insurance policies are at least 250,000. His income in general goes up if he marries. It's in his and your best interest to marry... on paper at least.

Answer 2

If you two really love each other, wait for him. The deployment is just as hard on him as it is for you. Maybe even harder. I've friends who have been to Iraq and every time they went out, they told me that they wanted to call home and tell their families just how much they love them.

I'm in the navy and have done 3 deployments to the mid-east. Though only 6-7 months long, I can tell you that the moments he isn't thinking about you are probably few and far between.

Just let him know how you feel. The military being as it is, nothing is guaranteed. I've seen orders change at the last minute. People going places they didn't think they'd be going. A friend of mine did a tour in Iraq as part of his sea duty, his shore duty is supposed to be here in Norfolk, but he's back in Iraq doing his shore time there.Which is really hard on his family because he just got back from deployment and they only got two weeks to spend with each other. But it's the sacrifice we choose so that we know that our families are safe adn sound.

Answer 3

Yes, you should wait. If you two love each other and are going to get married, it doesn't matter when you get married, as long as you stay together. Ask him why he's choosing to have the deployment. Or is it an order he cannot avoid? If he wants to marry you and you're both in love, you may want to wait. Do some travelling yourself perhaps, see the world while he is with the army.

Answer 4

Change is inevitable. Unfortunately he is in a situation where he can't commit to being with you right now. There for the best thing you can do is move on with your life. You can't sit around waiting for him when there is no guarantee that he or you will feel the same about each other a year from now. Do what is best for your life and what will make you happy right now and for the foreseeable future. That way if in a year he decides he is still interested you will be in a good place in your life to decide if your still interested or if you have moved on far enough to not be interested. At least if you move forward with your life you will have options and control of your own destiny.

Answer 5

My thought, and I'm just some random person on the interenet, is that you two agree to see other people while he is gone, but stay in touch, if it's meant to be it will happen when he gets home, if another deployment changes him then you've at least done some shopping around while he was gone and maybe you'll find someone else who loves you just as much. In the end, the best thing to do is be honest with eachother, it's just bad karma to run around behind someone's back if they think you are being faithful.....

Answer 6

nope you would be better off going for a round trip to Quebec or France and find some man that can be playful all nite..

I mean being a US soldier is not like a credential really; they are in Iraq killing civilians.. nothing heroic in it.

If you recall Iraq was liberated 3 years ago, the prez even announced
"mission accomplished". At this moment the war of Iraq against Hussein has turned into a war against civilians.

The US plan is to create a civil war before withdrawing..The war of Iraq is aimed at keeping Iraqis at being "poor".

On top US soldiers tend to be very boring..and seriously I wouldnt like seeing you ending up in a trailer park..continuously waiting for changes in your life, with the feeling of having wasted your life..


can email me , if you want advices..

Answer 7

Talk.........you should better talk to him openly, not once twice or trice but talk to him everyday, tell your situation, tell what and how you think...why you are afraid and see and judge his replies, if your heard said he is since and you can trust him then 3 months is nothing. But if he irritates that you are talking on same topic again and again and don't reply you in satisfactory manner then you should move a head in your life. You can even make some way out that you can go with him. May be on your own expense...check the possibilities. hopefully something good comes out. Don't lose hope but also don't depend on others so much that they will take advantage of your sentiments. Good luck

Answer 8

I am sorry for your hurt .... the story of the lady of a soldier is often a painful story.

You may try contacting whatever stateside base he is deployed from. There you can be directed to a number of support groups for the wives and husbands and significant others of our deployed troops. It may help to simply have an understanding shoulder to lean on.

And dear lady, some of us realize that the troops over seas are not the only American heroes that pay the price for what we do.

Answer 9

My husband is in Iraq right now too, and I'm in Germany waiting on him, for a year.....
If you really love him you'll wait on him.
I know it's hard, but sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
I think you should just wait.....but that's just me though...
(this is the biggest test on a person's relationship...who is in the military)
take care:)

Answer 10

Dude, you can wait a year. And if not, this marriage is NOT for you. What is life really about? It is NOT about who you are with, but about WHO you are! You have a whole year! So do something useful for yourself! Become a better "you", so when you do get married... it will last.