Why do people feel that it is so important to have children?

Question

My wife and I just recently got married. We're young and have no previous children. When friends and family bring up the topic and ask when we plan to have children, we both answer that we don't plan to have kids. This is always followed by "what??", "no kids!!" or "why not??". I'm well aware that different people have different sittuations and that having children is an obvious choice for some but we've had long discussions and thought long and hard about this decision and feel that it would be best for us not to have children. In order to get a third party perspective, I usually ask "why do you feel it is so important to have kids?" but the best I've gotten are politician answers.....you know, a lot of fluff but no real answer. In regards to this topic, we're obviously in the minority and I'm completely open to new ideas once provided with new information, I just would like to know the logic before I make decisions.

Answer 1

My husband and I don't plan to have chidren either. We've been together almost 7 years. My father seems extremely disappointed that we have made this decision. I've had at least 7 years to think on it and I've watched my sister's adorable little girl. I love to spend time with kids but I don't want my own. I think people need to feel needed and that children are such an assumed factor that its hard to comprehend not doing. Its just like deciding to not get married or to not graduate from school. Its hard to fathom and it just seems kind of crazy to another person. The ironic thing is, as a couple we are so critical of how other people treat or deal with their children. I think if we ever became parents by accident that we would be very good parents but its just not something we want. We both have busy work lives that fill our sense of being needed and I really like being able to accomplish my dreams and perhaps retire significantly earlier. I won't even regret not having someone to take care of me when i'm older because i'd only feel bad about being a burdon to someone who is just trying to live their life. Last, my sister's little girl (and any other kids she has) will just be super spoiled from all the extra attention and gifts.

Answer 2

I think that if you decide not to have children, than that is your decision and you shouldn't let people bother you. But I'm sure you know that you are in the minority, so you will have to take grief, but eventually they will get over it. I do have a little boy however. He is a fascinating 3 year old boy that makes me smile every day. You could not understand the joy they bring until you had one of your own, and babysitting someone elses will not show you the joy either. They give you a whole new meaning to your life, which no one else could never fulfill. I will not lie, they cost a lot of money, they take your free time away, and things will never be the same after you have kids. But they complete your little family, they make you smile, they love you never endingly, they show you the meaning of life, and turn you into a better person. All in all, a fair trade for some of your freedom.

Answer 3

Others want to have kids for the same reason you don't want to. It's just the way they feel. I am currently a prego, and though my hubby and I didn't plan it, we both wanted it to happen eventually anyhow.

You feel fulfilled by not having children, and once my baby gets here (and even now really) I know my life's complete by being a family. It's natural for any species to feel the need to perpetuate itself and humans are no exception.

As for you and your wife, never say never. You wrote that you are still young, so 5 or 10 years down the road one or both of you may change your mind. In the meantime keep steady with those contraceptives, cuz if you already know you don't want babies, don't end up with an unplanned pregnancy! good luck!

Answer 4

I feel ya, my wife and i were married for five of the best years before having a child. I do not have an exact answer, but just one day something happened (changed) that made me want a child. Look at it like writing a new chapter in your life novel. You were a child 0-11, teenager 13-19, young adult 20-25, now I am assuming an adult 25 and up. Those were all chapters in your life. You were a single man with periods of girlfriends and lovers, again different chapters or pages of you novel. One day you may see that you will want more, but not in a financially way. You will want to contribute to society that has meant our survival since, well forever. Children are our legacy.

Answer 5

People feel the need to have kids for many reasons. Some women feel like a child completes them as a woman. Some men want a son to carry on the family name. Me and my husband had kids to see a part of each of us realised in a child and to pass on what wisdom we have. It is a very personal decision. I think it is very brave of you and your wife to say you want no kids. If you do not feel you have the time and energy to give, then by all means, do not have any. Even on your best days children can be draining. It is a lifelong commitment, not like a dog that dies after 12 years or so. Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

I think that it is just a choice. Some people have great relationships with their partner and feel that is all that they need. For me personally, I think I wanted children because i wanted to have big family holidays with my children when I get older. I have a big family and I enjoy getting together to see everyone on the hoidays. We all live far apart from each other so I miss seeing them. Do NOT feel bad that you do not want children. It is YOUR choice and no one elses. Enjoy life together because if youever do decide to have kids, you will lose all of the special time with you spouse that you had before. But you choose? Everyone has the right to choose when of IF they want children. YOu are definitely NOT a bad person for not wanting them. And I really do not think that your choice is that unbelievable because it is a hard job and one that once you have them they are there forever and there is no turning back. DO NOT have children unless you are positively sure that it what you want FOREVER. Good luck!

Answer 7

I believe it is a deeply routed need to procreate for survival of the species. All mammals have babies and it's certainly not for the love and affection of a child, wanting to create something that represents you and your wife, etc...those are all wonderful, human reasonings.

Having children is a PERSONAL choice and not an easy one, well, it shouldn't be anyway.

I have 5 so don't get me wrong, I love my children with my entire heart and soul but I also respect those who do not wish to have children and I wish more people didn't (teenagers, abusive parents, those who cannot grasp the entire responsibility of bringing a new life to this world etc.)

Answer 8

For me, it was a desire. I desire to be the mother of four children. So far I have 3 of 4. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, just like your desire for no kids. My mother had two and was done, but got surprised by 2 more pregnancies. So my desire to have 4 overwhelms her. But for me its a good number.
Its something that people often ask just to have something to talk about. I don't think they are trying to be mean. Reproduction is just a natural function so people generally expect that others want at least one child.
But if you are sure about no children, you need to get a vasectomy. Accident babies are born everyday.

Answer 9

It is your desicion and your's alone..as a couple of course....but I can tell you that from the very instant my son was born my life changed. It is a bigger event than marriage. I now have a legecy and new emotions, emotions I cannot explain to you, emotions you will never know of if you do not become a parent. Being a parent places you in front of the line and you realize that there is a person you love more than anything else and that person needs you. Having a child can help you become a better person. It's a choice like anything else really. You make them ,,,then you live with them...hopefully.

Oh, and the statistics show that if your parents didn't have children then you probably won't either.

Answer 10

I believe that it is like the traditional blueprint of growing up. You get married, have kids, and buy a house with a little white fence. We all know what is right for us and if you and your wife feel that children doesn't fit your blueprint, then hats off to you. It takes a lot of guts to talk to your spouse and decide together not to have children, then to have a child whose going to be not wanted and wondering all their life why mom and dad never wanted me.