Dating is hard but after 40 it seems impossible, why?

Answer 1

Hi! Let me begin to answer that question by observing what appears to be a basic pattern in human social interaction. When males/females are young, the first decade or two after puberty, we think we have to mate right away. Our hormones are over active and we jump into relationships in a frenzy to complete our biological imperatives to propagate the species. Invariably we are attracted by the wrong personality and physical characteristics and the vast--VAST--majority of us end up in a divorce.

Those things we see as attractive at age 20 begin to pale as we age. Life kicks us around. Those hansome dangerous guys that make us wet our panties rarely settle down like we want them to. Especially after we have a kid or two. The men and women who attract us most early in life just don't seem to go the distance.

So most of us get divorced and end up looking for another mate sometime in our early 30's to late 40's. I know that is quite a range there but some folks hold bad relationships together well beyond their expiration dates for the sake of the kids, etc. But in the end, at whatever advanced age, we seem to be back on the market again.

They say that women have a diminishing chance to marry as they get older. To that I say bulls**t. After life wears us down a bit and we mature into somethng resembling responsible adults, our standards change. We look for stability. We look for men who don't have tempers and dangerous behaviour. We like less risk taking...or at least more responsible risk taking. We want dependability. And ladies, those guys are out there! Men wear down with age as well. So they screw up a marriage or two. Many of them mature into something resembling responsible adults as well. Those are the guys to go for.

It isn't beauty we should look for when we are dating at age 40+, but rather health and vigour. It isn't wealth we should look for but work ethic. It isn't danger we should look for but sense of humour and gentleness. These things were turn offs and, I speak for myself now but I suspect it holds true for most of us, at age 20. We waste our physical primes on the wrong things.

The good news is that our emotional prime is still before us. I thank God I am not the same estrogen blinded superficial bink I was 20 years ago. I truely believe life is better at age 40 than ever it was before. I have found the men at this age are smarter, kinder, gentler, and better suited for relationships. I enjoy dating at age 40 so much more than at age 20. It is all in our frame of mind.

So to answer your question, I disagree that dating is harder. You know who you are now and you use your confidence every day! Use it here as well. The trick I have found to meeting men at age 40 is to go out and do things. They won't come to you, thats for sure. But they are out there and they are lonely to. Put yourself out there, be friendly and talk to them. Find a sport you like like cycling or running. Don't jump into a big date, instead start with a series of coffee dates. Also, don't hesitate to ask the guy out for coffee. The whole passive thing is a waste of time. Men are people to and sometimes miss a clue. So why play games? If you meet a nice guy who appears single, ask him out. Above all else, believe in yourself to make good decisions.

PS: For all those who keep answering this question saying most folks are married, I say check the statistics and divorce rates. That will prove you wrong. People are less likely to stay in their first marriage than ever before. By the time they get out of it they are older. There are a LOT of eligiable men and women in the 30-40 age group. I suspect most of the people who answered otherwise are teenagers who lack perspective or else older people who were lucky enough not to experience the divorce thing.

Answer 2

Try asking that question in a chat room for people 40 and up and maybe you will find people that have a similar feeling. Here you're probably going to get mean comments from insecure teenagers.
It is true that men usually want to date younger women and so there can be a deficit in your age range because of the population flux. There are plenty of men in your age group but they date younger and there weren't as many men in the age group older than you, those that would date you, and so there is a real deficit. That is not your fault. But you should just keep and open mind, try new things. If what you are doing to meet people doesn't work, do something else!

Answer 3

Your looking in the wrong places. Go to cultural events art, history, reading groups, etc..... There are a lot of men in your age group and category if you just know where to look. Grown men DO NOT hang out in bars looking for women! Try something new ya never know what ya might find. I just got married at 40 and had a hard time finding out where to look and remember most men in that age range have children. So outings should include SOME places where children are also welcome as well as adults. Just relax and try some new stuff I tell y when you least expect it BAM there it is!!!!!!!! Good luck.

Answer 4

Dating isn't hard after 40. I have lots of friends who have gotten divorced, started dating in their 40's, and found the man of their dreams. Someone will come around when you're least expecting it. Age is only a number, and just because you're 40, doesn't mean your life is over. Trust me!

Answer 5

Biological clocks. Most people get in a rush in their 30's if they are still single, or single again. You're more apt to have success with a dating program, or a legitamite online service.

People have this want to settle down and have children, have a life partner. They usually get that by 40, so there's less people on the market.

Answer 6

Dating is harder after 40 in so many ways. One is the failure of folks to take a risk. Most folks after 40 are already set in their ways and have routines etc etc... change is scary... so going into a relationship is scary.. if both sides are that way then its going to be a rollercoaster ride for all involved....

But that being said I was divorced and figured - OK time to be single for a while... after 9 months I met my wife.. and BAM that was it.. wasn't expecting it... wasnt planning it ... and that was probably why it worked... That was 10 years ago... and still going :-)

Answer 7

It seems impossible because alot of Men are married and only very little are single. So yeah. The young men in their 20's are the ones that are tryin to find true love and some are getting married or are engaged.

Answer 8

U can't expect dating young fellows..always..i think it is not impossible to date after 40...

Answer 9

Dear Ready!

No, it is not impossible. At forty you should be at your prime. But don't look so hard, try to keep a nonchalant attitude about your search for a mate.

There are some websites I would recommend but they charge. This is the one that was successful to me:

Answer 10

Most men want women who are young and most men at 40 or above are already married.

Answer 11

By this point in your life (& mine), you are numb. Nothing is that exciting anymore. I mean we've seen about everything, been hurt, been loved, hard great sex, as well as bad, lost loved ones, hated some, never even new some, I mean what else is there to experience? I guess we are desensitized!!!! Just roll with it and get you some.....