I am scared about telling my girlfriend something.....Should I tell her or just forget it?

Question

A long time ago, I messed around with my older female cousin when I was visiting her in her country and we did stuff (dry-humped each other & kissed) and I was infatuated with her for a very long time after that. After a couple of yrs passed I became embarrassed by what we did and it began to torment me because I had this in the back of my head. I thought I had passed it and gotten over it but It all came to head when I finally saw her again because she came to live with us in the USA. I couldn't handle it emotionally & mentally and i blew up one day and told my parents what happened. My mother was heartbroken and she was very mad at us. My cousin ended up leaving and now she still lives in the same area but none of us have any contact with her.

Now I have a great girlfriend that I am thinking about telling this too. But I don't know how she would react to it....its pretty messed up. We both have said though that we both have skeletons in our closet that we rather not bring out.

Answer 1

quit beating yourself up by what happen in the past... the past is the past and skeletons are best left buried. You both admitted to having skeletons and that is plenty enough said already... Give yourself a break and move on with your wonderful girlfriend. Sounds like you have growed up alot since all that stuff happened.. Lots of luck to you.

Answer 2

I think this sort of thing happens often, very common. (In fact I think there are fairly many people who marry their cousins) You were two people who got along and were attracted to eachother. It feels perfectly normal to me. The fact that you told your parents is a big deal, but it didn't turn out very positive as it seemed your mom couldn't handle it. You are probably doing the best thing now - staying away from eachother. But you don't have to continue to punish yourself over it. You really didn't do any harm to anybody. The fact that your Mom is angry is her problem really.

Should you tell your girlfriend? Well, does your relationship deepen with intimacy? Perhaps if you tell her and she accepts it you will be able to let go of the shame because someone you love accepts it. That is the way it works with my husband and I. when I tell him things that are practically inutterable because I am so ashamed, and he looks at me with those compassionate eyes, it helps me to let go of the shame and guilt I have. Good Luck

Answer 3

I say..what happened in the past is past. But..she might be a bit confused and put off by what happened. It depends on how conservative she is. If it is tearing you up though..I would tell her. I don't think it is such a HUGE deal that it should cause you an immense amount of emotional turmoil to keep it in. If it ruins the relationship..then it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

Answer 4

that's a tough one, but if you've dealt with it personally and with your family, then no i wouldnt bring it up..why cause heartache to someone you'd like to have a future with? It is in the past, leave it there, if you cant then get some kind of counceling..whatever you decide, good luck

Answer 5

I'd say let it go,in youth we make mistakes we don't necessarily need to bring into our future.If your shame is still so strong,discuss it with a professional.

Answer 6

ohh..dude! u messed up!!...BAD!!!! with your cousin tht is..ew.so anyway, y dont u just suddenly..pop tht story when shes drunk!!! bring her to the club...make sure shes drunk.bring her home..tell her everything!!! then u feel GOOD bout yourself coz u DID tell her!!! so tht does count..its just tht u tell her when shes really drunk! trust me...this will work!!! :D

lemme know how it turns out!

Answer 7

Never tell her! It wiil ruin your life after! I promise and making no joke!