We have been married for nearly 21 years now and he hasn't touched me in almost 13 years. He sleeps on top of the covers and also surrounds himself with pillows. I don't think he uses soap because even after a shower, he smells. It's like he does this deliberately. He used to say he loved me, until last year after he bought a laptop that he keeps locked up and secure, and has always said, he "has nothing to hide." I find this very hard to believe...what's going on? Anyway, I've been talking to men online, and he knows about it, I don't try to hide it. All of a sudden he's upset with me. Well, what else am I supposed to do? He's not interested and I need MORE than a nice card on my birthday and anniversary, if you get my drift.
I keep myself in good shape for my age and keep myself clean and neat looking. There is no reason for him to be turned off at all.
So, any input?
2006-06-13 01:31:11 · 15 answers · asked by Evil Wordmonger, LTD LOL 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
We are together for our children's sake.
2006-06-13 01:40:47 · update #1
I only started going online AFTER he bought the laptop that he keeps locked and secured in a concrete vault....
2006-06-13 01:41:54 · update #2
I kept my sexuality suppressed for years, as a way of dealing with the lack of intimacy, but my hormones are raging now and I can't find a safer way to deal with this than to go online...
2006-06-13 01:55:06 · update #3
Another important fact I left out....he was a alcoholic for the first 10 years of marriage.
2006-06-13 02:06:11 · update #4
AND...he used to hoard pornographic material. Then a year after we got our first computer, I found pages of files of porn that I immediately deleted. (We had children that used the computer...I had to protect them.It's different when you have kids...see)
2006-06-13 02:09:40 · update #5
Sounds like he's trying to push you away. Maybe he's trying to manipulate you in to kicking him out. Since he can't bring himself to do it on his own. Sorry ,but I can't see ANY reason to stay in a unsatisfying(emotional and physical) relationship.Then again maybe he has a a physical problem but the locked up laptop kinda blows that one away. Try consuling, if he's just interested in messing with your head drop him. It's not worth being unhappy year after year...
2006-06-13 01:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋
It is possible that a number of things have occured. Ask yourself a few questions:
1) Do you both have personal feelings that have not been resolved when arguments arose?
2) Is there a religious connection active within your relationship?
3) Do you have any time to enjoy each other's company outside of bedtime?
4) Is it possible that he, or you, have any physical situations that have surfaced that has promoted his change in attitdue?
5) Any children?
6) Do you both have individual time to find your own source of pleasure?
My marriage is only half as long. But, my parents are 45+ yrs and going. Their relationship has caused me to continually look at my marriage and level of commitment daily. Questions like these would go very far in examination of your marriage.
Peter
2006-06-13 08:46:42 · answer #2 · answered by preichwein 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
perhaps a busy man? sorry to say but i dont have much experience on the "marriage market" after all i just turned 18 this year, so maybe he's hiding something to protect you from knowing the greater truth and all of a sudden it will become clear why. Some things are better not knowing... but if you want to know everything, one can be harmed because of the information.
I have another solution about your husband but i dont know him at all whether he is or has another someone because im just some bloke commenting on it, but maybe... you never know...
2006-06-13 08:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by ryanprague1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey... counseling if you want to stay married. Lots of it. Personally I don't see what you could possibly be getting out of this relationship, but I'm not you. Thirteen years is far too long to be in an unsatisfactory marraige; I'd have left him a long time ago.
Out of curiosity, how many lives are you planning to have? Assuming that you only believe in having one life, is this an acceptable way of living the one you've got?
2006-06-13 17:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by Dani 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My guess would be that he's objecting to your online activity because he's online now, too and sees what can happen.
My other guess is that he's discovered porn sites he likes, hence the locked-up laptop.
Thirteen years is a long time, of course. The only thing you can do is to decide what's right for you... and do it with integrity.
Good luck and all the best.
2006-06-13 08:40:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am really sorry about your husband..you have lived with him for 21 years, very hard to understand. He lives in his own world..if you think he can change and show sudden love, affection is out of question. i would say its nothing wrong when you talk to other man online. Every one in the needs a kind of emotional support and i know you are not getting it frm him.
2006-06-13 08:39:19 · answer #6 · answered by lonly_planet1976 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He could be suffering from depression or another mental illness (? substance abuse?). I know you can't make him see a doctor, but perhaps if you tried counseling as a couple, progress could be made toward finding an answer.
I feel for you, and hope that you can get some help.
Good luck.
2006-06-13 08:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by Pangolin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, your husband may have a mental illness. Either that, or he is totally unhappy, or both.
You two need to get counselling to get to the root of the problem. Once you agree that there is a problem, then you can work it out. It took years to get to this point, it may take years to get your marriage back. Best of luck.
2006-06-13 08:37:50 · answer #8 · answered by philk_ca 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't say for sure what he is doing but it's not you. That should give you a huge clue that something is going on that he doesn't want you to know. Find someone else to enjoy your time with, there is nothing wrong with making yourself happy.
2006-06-13 08:39:17 · answer #9 · answered by chayward79 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who knows what's wrong with your mentally ill husband. I guess my question would be why you put up with this for 13 years. Frankly you only have yourself to blame at this point. Sorry.
2006-06-13 08:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by ZCT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋