Can anyone tell me a funny joke? 10 pts. for the funniest joke :D?

Answer 1

mary was sitting in her class theres this kid named johnny sitting behind her she was up late last night and soon falls asleep while asleep the teacher asks her mary who was hung on a cross?? johnny (from behind) took a pin out of his pocket and poked her she awoke and yelled: jesus christ! the teacher said correct then mary fell back asleep. the teacher later asked mary who is our lord? once again johnny came to the rescue this time she yelled: God allmighty! correct mary fell back asleep later that day the teacher asked mary what did eve say to adam after they had there 21 child? as expected johnny came to the rescue and poked her with a pin this time she yelled: if you stick that goddamn thing in me one more time Im gonna snap it in half the teacher fainted.

Three people in a car crap shut up and manners crap falls out shut up takes his place shut up goes way to fast the cops pull him over the cop asks whats your name? shut up.whats your name? Shut up. weres your manners? back there picking up crap.

there is this guy on a plane and he has to use the washroom really really bad but the mens is full so he asks the flight attendant if he can use they ladies washroom she says ok but whatever you do do not press the atr button he said ok. in the washroom everything was going great but then he got to curious and pressed the atr button. Automatic Tampon Remover it ripped his nuts off. thats all for now hope it helps!

Answer 2

A man walks into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog in his arms. The bartender looks at him and notices the dog has a little Cleveland Browns shirt on.
"Whoa pal," he says, "I own this bar and I don't allow dogs in here."
"C'mon," says the customer, "we were watching the Browns game at home and my TV broke. I just want a place to watch the game...we won't be any problem, I promise."
"Well...okay, but this is a warning. If you or your little mutt cause any commotion in here, you're out the door."
"Okay, I understand." And the man continues to the bar and sits to watch the game.
Pretty soon, the Browns get the ball and start moving down the field pretty well. They get to about the 20 yard line and their drive stalls. So they go for a field goal and make it. All of a sudden, the man's Chihuahua jumps up on the bar, gets up on his hind legs and does a little dance, then does a back flip and sits back down.
"Holy crap!" says the bartender, "That was amazing! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the man, "I've only had him for two years."

Sorry...I'm a Bengals fan, I couldn't help myself.

Answer 3

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine
spring day and he walked to the window of his bedroom
to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He
then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the
middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this: "Top o' the day to
ye. This is Sgt. Flaherty. How might I help ye?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father
O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead
in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a
couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sgt. Flaherty, considering himself to be quite a wit,
replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always
my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a brief
moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's
certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin

Answer 4

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some ******’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more ******’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the ******’ French toast."

Answer 5

a woman goes to the doctors and said my husband cant get it up anymore.. the doctor gives her some pills and saids give this too him.. the woman said he wont take them ..the doctor said slip it in his coffee in the morning..... The next week the doctor sees the woman and asked her how it went.. the woman said I put it in his coffee and wow right on the table he did it. This stuff is great but we are no longer allowed in Mc Donalls.....

Answer 6

2 cannibals are eating a clown. One of the cannibals stops eating and says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Answer 7

Try to explain women
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

GOD says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"

GOD says, "So they would love you!"

Answer 8

teacher: take this sentence: " let the cow be taken to the pasture." What mood?

student: the cow ma'am.

I hope you liked that......

Answer 9

Whats Chineese for sixtynine??????




Toocanchew.(2 can chew)

Answer 10

I like BARNEY and the TELETUBIES,BUBBAS too!.Don't forget my "BOLITAS".