My 4 year old son is hitting, biting, kicking and pinching me. He seems to do it when I say something he doesn't agree with or when it is time to go somewhere. I discipline him when he does it but that seems to make it worse. I've tried time out and spanking. Is it just a phase?
2006-06-13 01:18:50 · 18 answers · asked by Mommyme 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I guess I should add there is a kid at his daycare that has bad behavior and bites and hits and spits.
2006-06-13 01:39:39 · update #1
It is a phase but he has to understand that hitting it not ok. Spanking will only teach him that hitting is ok. My husband and I are using a star-reward system with our almost 4 year old son. He gets a star when he has a hit-free day. After 5 stars he gets to pick from activities that he enjoys like going to the park, go bowling or ride his bike. He is doing really well with it.
2006-06-13 01:27:14 · answer #1 · answered by IrishRose1975 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Having his needs met is all the little angel knows. And you are the one he expects and rightly so, to answer his needs. I'm assuming conventional methods did not work, none the less, his needs will still take president over everything else, including your very own needs. Until he is old enough to fill his own needs he will rely on you.I believe what Doctors have always stated, which is children are not born with knowledge of biting and hitting, especially when it is the Mother on the receiving end. This is a learned behavior not an innate behavior. If this negative behavior can be learned, so to can a positive reinforcement behavior be adoptable. Leading by example seems to be where he learns best.
2006-06-13 01:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by roxanne r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'i was thinking nothing' OMG how funny!!!
go to the daycare center unannounced. let the people there know that you do not tolerate this behavior at home and you EXPECT them to not accept it either. from ANYONE. if the other child cannot learn to behave he can be alone or not go to the daycare center. other children should not be subjected to this.
how did you do the time out? one minute per year old. no speaking, no moving away, no screaming. time starts when the child gets calm. make it last all day if that's what you need. let him know you will not go to work that day if that's what it takes. breath deep. he might be thinking you are punishing him by taking him to daycare with that kid who bites.
how did you spank? until he cried or until he wiggled out of your grip? not a good enough spanking. he just learned that he is in control of you not you in control of him. spank until he can't move or wiggle. when the breath starts that hiccup thing, STOP.
i don't spank, myself, but if you are going to 'go there' , then do it the right way.
at 4 years old, i agree with biting him back so he knows how much it hurts. or put his own arm in his mouth and make him bite himself.
2006-06-13 02:32:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You just answered you own question. Monkey see monkey do. If the school isnt dealing with the other child then you need to talk to the director. My preschool has kicked several kids out for behavior problems. My son was picking up on it, but we nipped it in the bud. If the school your son is in now wont deal with the other child then you need to find another school.
2006-06-13 06:14:09 · answer #4 · answered by Stewiesgal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my son will be 4 in december and he just started doing the same thing. he has been doing all kinds of crazy things lately, like the other night he was supposed to be in bed and i notice his light was on so i go in and he was biting the corner of the wall in his room (it has chunks missing!) anyways i asked him "what were you thinking and he just looked up at me and says, i was thinking nothing! " hopefully it is just a phase. hopefully!
2006-06-13 01:54:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The second he does this, grab the toy away and give it back to his sister. Put him in the corner, time-out, whatever, and tell him, No hitting! Consistency is key. I had twins who both did this. Time-out worked on one of them, the other one was so bad the only thing that worked was spanking.
2016-03-27 02:23:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously you allowed him from an early age to think it is okay to hit you...get a backbone and tell him that you donot like nor is it appropriate... don't be a doormat to your 4 year old because you will be when he's 24, 24,44,54,etc....break the cycle and punish him....no television, no outtings, restrict his goody intake... make him sit alone and think about what he does then after punishment ask him "are you sorry for hurting mommy and why are you sorry" allow him to understand what he's doing wrong because he may not know he's doing wrong....it is our jobs as parents to facilitate what acceptable and not acceptable
2006-06-13 01:34:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is semi normal for children his age. He likely will settle down.
I would try to reduce the amount of sugar he is getting and promote regular frequent meals to see if that would help.
2006-06-13 01:23:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to get down to his eye level and "speak" to him and try not to issue "orders". I've been there, done that I can tell you that positive parenting really works. Try not to raise your voice as this will only antagonise and frustrate him more. Practise makes perfect. Good luck.
2006-06-13 01:26:24 · answer #9 · answered by jammer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try the time out technique.
1. When he misbehaves, get down to his level and in a firm authoritative voice (without yelling) give him a warning. "You do not (insert behavior). If you (insert behavior) again and you will go in time out."
2. If she does it again, place her on the naughty chair. Get down to her level and explain why he's on the naughty chair. "(Insert name), you are placed on the naughty chair because you (insert behavior) when I asked you to stop. You will stay here for X minutes." 1 minute per year age. 4 year olds gets 4 minutes. 2 year olds get 2 minutes.
3.If he gets up then walk him back without giving him eye contact and reset the timer until he stays there for X minutes. Reset the timer and he will have to do X minutes over again.
4. If she happens to lock herself in a room while getting up from time out, wait until she comes out and once she comes out, immediately place her back in time out.
5. Once X minutes passed, come back, get down to his level and explain why he was placed on the naughty chair, you were placed on the naughty chair because you did not listen to mommy when I asked you to stop (insert behavior). What do you say?" If he does not apologize, he will not get up and he will do the naughty chair again and you repeat the process. Hug your child and never mention this behavior again.
Here are videos on how to do the time out correctly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2NWl-nWQwE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvnhniamk_E&feature=related
2014-07-02 13:41:01 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋