had a REALLY bad crush on some one you knew you couldnt have,but you convinced your self that you could actually get them....and when you ask them out you get rejected......well that happened to me and i dont know how to get over it...im so hurt..:(
2006-06-12 22:13:27 · 16 answers · asked by cute_lesbian 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've been in a similar situation to yours: some time back, a certain special person rejected my proposal of marriage. Speaking from experience, it really is possible to recover, and even have a constructive relationship (in my case it involves literally making beautiful music together).
Before I go any further, let me note that this answer will contain in some measure material from another question I answered, but adapted to your situation. That having been said...
Exactly how recovery happens depends on certain choices we make. For starters, one can learn something from any situation. In your case, it might do you well to figure out how this happened, what reasons you might have had beforehand to think it would end badly, what reasons you thought of that it might not, sort of do the balance sheet over again with 20-20 hindsight...
Very important: this needs to be done in an atmosphere of self-acceptance rather than self-condemnation. At the time, you felt the balance sheet would turn out differently. Ask yourself why - obviously there was some reason or you wouldn't have done what you did.
Another thing to think about: do you want, are you ready for a permanent relationship? If not, you might want to consider holding off on being 'more than friends' until you are, and you know you want it to be that person. And there is much to be said for not getting physically involved until you are actually in the permanent relationship, because once you do that, in a very real sense there is no turning back. Breakups aren't supposed to happen after that.
Then, with all the information you now have in hand, think of what you would tell someone in such a situation - what criteria ought to be applied to decide whether a given course of action is likely to work out well or not. Come up with a strategy for next time you find you want to ask someone out. Now is a good time to think about it - before you meet whoever it is.
This situation is also a great opportunity to learn that happiness does not depend on outside circumstances, but on how you think about them. If you haven't read Anthony J. DeMello's 'Call to Love', get a hold of it. Read one chapter at a time. Very serious, fantastic book, talks about love, attachment, happiness, and lots of other stuff.
And maybe just maybe someday you will have a situation where it looks impossible, perhaps sometimes you don't even dare to dream about him/her anymore, and instead of thinking 'Oh, I've got nothing to gain here....' you'll think, 'Well, I've got nothing to lose now, have I?' And you'll just keep loving. You won't feel the need to 'force yourself to move on' anymore.
And you'll have a life - work, other friends, things you love doing not necessarily for money. And you'll be happy - even if s/he doesn't love you back. S/he rejected your overture, but when you spend time with him/her, you're just so happy to be with the one you love that you forget all your pain.
Now, in my case I don't know if it is *really* impossible for us to be together (at least neither of us is married to or even seeing anyone else), but I think it would be possible to have something like what I describe even as one accepts that it really *is* impossible for it to go further. To do that, of course, one has to be able to live happily without a partner if need be.
Now, your nickname suggests that there may be other issues involved, which could have impacted the outcome of your situation. I know you have a lot on your plate right now emotionally, if you aren't ready for what I'm going to suggest, just leave it for now and concentrate on healing and coming to a point of being able to be happy regardless of the circumstances. If you want to talk in more detail about getting healed, in particular getting beyond any self-condemnation you might feel over the outcome of your chosen course of action, drop me a line and we can talk about it.
And when you're ready, you might also want to ask yourself what you'd do if God said to you something along the lines of, 'I'm giving you two choices: being single (i.e. no partner) on a permanent basis, or a permanent relationship with one MOS. Which one will you pick?' If you are in a position to consider this question, again, drop me a line, that'll give us some privacy to share experiences and have a more detailed discussion of the matter at hand. I won't bring this question up if you write to me, unless you ask about it.
In the meantime, some verses come to mind which seem relevant to your situation:
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
May God bless you and comfort your heart
Cara T
2006-06-13 00:06:28 · answer #1 · answered by songkaila 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way on this... It's just a matter of conceding. Take it into positive account and learn from it or better think that if ever you did get her, you might end up hurt in the long run anyway... There would always be another one...
2006-06-13 05:20:26 · answer #2 · answered by alecks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that. the only thing to do is take it one day at a time and everyday it will hurt less, and I'm sure you find someone else who will like you for all the great qualities I know you have. So cheer up things will get better I promise, it just takes a little time.
I hope you have good day!!!!
2006-06-13 05:18:21 · answer #3 · answered by Tanya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at least you had the courage to ask her out.
i've had a major crush on this guy for almost a year now, and it sucks coz i just don't know if i should tell him or not. i haven't talked to him in a while, and i haven't seen him since he accompanied me to my prom last february. at that time [prom], i thought i was over him, but the feelings just came rushing back when we danced and had fun that night. rar. until now i find myself thinking about him and knowing that it would never work out. there's this other girl that he likes [even if none of his friends like her coz she's quite a ***** and a user] though i don't know how they're doing since we don't really talk about that topic.
my friends and his friends [those who knew, at least] probably think that i don't like him anymore coz i try not to show it.. but i do. i really do. i even went through this phase when i kept questioning why i like him. is it just the feeling that i like, or is it really him?
-he just went offline [y!m], and i didn't even try to chat with him the whole time he was there-
it must seem weird that i'm making such a big deal out of this, but for someone like me who is not boy-crazy like many girls her age are, who believes in soulmates, who doesn't make it a habit to check people out, who is a 17 y/o virgin who has never had a boyfriend but whose friends have had a few each, and who takes love [and yes, even crushing] seriously... this is big.
i don't know... please don't think i'm psycho or emo or whatever, coz i'm not, ok? heh.
don't worry, things always work out in the end :]
god bless
2006-06-13 05:33:56 · answer #4 · answered by Episode1497 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it and just be happy that at the very least you've tried rather than wonder for the rest of your life what could have happen if you didn't.
2006-06-13 05:17:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey it happens to us all...
You are not the only one to be rejected.
Don't even try getting over it... Try getting used to it...
2006-06-13 05:17:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.It happened the same way that it happened to you.That was 2 years ago and I'm still hurt
2006-06-13 05:16:34 · answer #7 · answered by Gangwar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I date bi women--know what ya mean! sometimes there was a person there who wasn't bi, but i wanted!! my screen name says it all for me, but it hurts when it is one way only!!! esspecially when they say it was the best, they want it again, but there is no reciprication, really makes a guy feel used!!! actually--it is being used--the phrase "i want you to do me for hours and that's all i want" would say that!!!
2006-06-13 05:22:55 · answer #8 · answered by women_r_edible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the past behind
2006-06-13 05:43:49 · answer #9 · answered by Leonardo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
naw that never happened...sorry to hear that tho...but dont continue fighting it no means no and you should respect that go hit up the boys and chill or do sumthing that you enjoy to keep you from thinking about it...or do wat we girls do eat all the junk food you can find and take a good nap
2006-06-13 05:17:16 · answer #10 · answered by orange_crush_05 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋