I'm almost 19. My mom starts the biggest arguments with me even when I'm talking to regular friends on the phone and says I shouldn't be doing that at all. She doesn't know that I have a boyfriend and I'm afraid to tell her knowing how she reacted a few months ago when I told her that him and I were friends. How can I make her realize that he's not going anywhere???
2006-06-12 20:46:41 · 16 answers · asked by imagine4evainluv1987 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
your parents will probably never stop trying to exert control over your life, even when you move out. but at some point they have to realize they can't control everything. i mean, they probably let you work the stove now, right? you aren't two years old.... so show them you are mature enough to handle it.
if you are lying to them and sneaking around, they know something is up. i'm not saying they know every detail, but people usually can tell when someone is deceiving them, and will treat them accordingly (consciously or subconsciously).
it seems like you are in a cycle now.... they don't want you to date because you are not mature enough, and you think you are mature enough but since they prevent you from spreading your figurative wings, you feel like you have no choice but to go behind their backs, making them trust you less.
so break the cycle. first, is this guy really worth all the trouble? most teenage romances don't last, because so many life changes happen. going off to college, job transfers, etc. if he is your dream guy and you two see a future together, bite the bullet and bring him home. cook your family a nice dinner and invite him over. have him shave and get a haircut and dress respectably, nice shirt, shiny shoes, the whole bit. the idea here is not to fit you or him into any mold, just put on a good show so your parents give you a little more freedom.
if dating this guy is more of a defiance move against your parents (answer this... does he smoke pot? does he have lots of piercings/tattoos? does he drive a motorcycle? yes to any of these suggests you like him because your parents don't), then just break up with him, and maybe find a new guy. seriously, it won't last anyway. sit down with your parents, talk to them, tell them how you feel smothered and you need more freedom.
they will likely reply that with freedom comes responsibility or something to that effect. fair enough, you'll just have to wheel and deal. take on more responsibility, but not more than you can handle. get a job. if you have a job, discuss getting a promotion with your boss. maybe take an advanced class at school. if you're not in school, maybe apply to some school that would challenge you and help you achieve your dreams. when they see that you are taking responsibility for your own life, they'll probably be glad to cut you a little slack.
parents don't have children in order to keep them children forever. most parents would love to see their kids grow up, get married, have kids of their own (payback!). Unless arranged marriages are their thing, they realize dating is a required step in this process. by the time you reach 18, they are pretty much sick of you. but they still don't want you to end up doing something stupid to ruin your life or kill yourself, so they can be a little overprotective.
2006-06-12 21:47:23 · answer #1 · answered by ecluv7 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Think about it.U're 18 and letting you're mom annoy you.I think you're old enough to date & make some of you're own decisions.Some parents just can't imagine they're children are growing and want them to be little forever.You just gotta have a little talk and tell that to you're folks.I'm pretty sure you'll come up with a solution together.I would date behind my parents' back if I was in your place too.Some parents just need to realize that everybody grows up.Everyone changes.Make a change by talking it through.Trust me.It works.
Goods of Luck
12 year old Curious2
2006-06-12 20:57:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what are you looking for here ?? You have dropped this same question in at least four other slots in the last 30 minutes ----You think maybe you'll get different responses in different categories ?----It's going to be pretty much the same ----and you've wasted an awful lot of Yahoo points for no good reason--Move the dickens out and stop whimpering like a child--you want to be treated like a grown woman on the one hand but yet you want to be around for the folks to take care of you and then you're upset that you're being treated like the immature person that you surely must be---having your cake and sucking it down doesn't work----you want the freedom to call your own shots--you're of age--the only thing standing in your way is you---
2006-06-12 21:02:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
even though you are an adult, if you are living with them and they are supporting you, they will try to exert influence in your life. The only way to go out and date and do what you want is to make your own money and live on your own. Then, they may not like what you do, but they really have no control over you. Be aware that your parents may just be over protective and think they are helping you. Sit down and talk to them and see if you can get a reasonable discussion going. Your parents may just fear for your safety. Talk.
2006-06-12 20:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by Joe M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
calmly explain that you are an adult and will live your own life, and you mean no disrespect, but if she continues to give you a hard time, then you will move out. Explain you are doing normal behavior for 18 year olds and your not doing anything wrong.
2006-06-13 02:24:26 · answer #5 · answered by Molly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are of legal age now the best thing you can do now is move out of home and fend for your self take action and enjoy your life and you will have your boy friends support even if thingsa dont work out with him you still will be free to have your own life,your parents attitude will change dramatically when you move out of home
2006-06-12 21:05:43 · answer #6 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down with your mom and find out where her fears are coming from. did your mom get pregnant at an early age? does she feel as if she is trapped? ask her. talk to her. you might find that you can ease some of her fears.
2006-06-12 21:01:40 · answer #7 · answered by Andrea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe they are just protecting you, they don't want you to get hurt. i know your old enough but i think at your age you are too vulnerable. if your still studying, maybe your parents wants you to finish your studies first. don't get mad with your parents if they won't allow you to date, i know that they are just doing this for your own good. no parents would want something bad to happen for their children. all they want is the best for them.
2006-06-12 21:46:31 · answer #8 · answered by gee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r 18 why do u tell ur parents about ur dating.Meet him outside nd have fun.By 21 or 22 i think every mother understands his daughter.I think u r from india.
2006-06-12 20:58:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
JOE M has said it best - if you dont like the rules move out and make yoour own
2006-06-12 21:02:34 · answer #10 · answered by MS L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋