I am having problems with my stepson. His dad dirves a truck and is gone a lot. So what do I do when grounding

Question

him does not work. He has no respect for women, but his mom has nothing to do with him so i kinda understand why. I don't think it helps that I am closer to his age than my husbands I am 20 and my husband is 35. My stepson is fixing to be 14. I get so mad at him sometimes, but I try to do the right thing. Me and my husband have been married two years now. I don't think a step parent can do the punishing unless you have been with the child since they were very young. However its hard not to be able to do it when I am the only one here too do it. Help!!!!

Answer 1

Since his mother is no longer in the picture, you are the mother figure now, and regardless of your age (which is rather close I have to admit) he has to listen to you. Speak to your husband about your concerns and have a family meeting and let him know who is the boss. Be strict with him, lay down the rules, don't be scared to do it, you are the boss remember that, and he needs to respect you. You have every right to discipline him, he needs a mother figure to do that...and that is what you are there for.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Your stepson is 14! It is an age where all parents, not just you, will have rebelling and disrespectful behaviour from their children.
Try putting yourself in your stepsons shoes. He doesn't see his mum, his father is away a lot of the time, he is going through changes within his body, he is probably starting important exams at school and then to top it off he now has a new mum to deal with. It really is no wonder that he has 'gone off the rails' a little.

Having said all that though, he still has to realise that you are the elder and are responsible for him. As a step parent of any child, you have as much rights as the birth parent when they are living with you.Your age really shouldn't come into it. Your stepson may not realise it or want it, but he does need guidance and support. As his stepmum, you are the one to do it and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable with it.
A lot of pressure has also been put upon you to take care of this boy and it can't be easy for either of you.

My first instinct is to spend a bit more time with your stepson. Really get to know him, his likes, his hobbies and interests and definately his school work. Don't get in his face, just show an interest in what he has been doing. Try to build a relationship with him as a friend as well as a parent. Being closer to his age may be a good thing for you both. Sit him down and tell him how you are feeling. Tell him you love him and his dad and that you want him to help you make his home a happy one. Reassure him that you are not going to leave and that you are going to stay around and be proud of him.

As far as punishments are concerned, talk to his dad about your limitations and ask him to back you up as much as possible. Whether he totally agrees or not, it is not good if your stepson sees his dad disagreeing with your decisions in front of him. Get your husband to sit down with his son and explain that you are now in charge and he has to abide by your rules. Get him to listen to your son and understand what he is going through as well as laying down the law.
If you really do have to punish him, be firm and stick with it. There is no point threatening to take away his TV or Playstation if he knows you are only full of talk! Try not to shout at him, this doesn't get anybody anywhere and in some cases it is getting the reaction he wants out of you. Stay calm, but look him in the eyes when you speak to him and say things like you mean them.
It won't happen overnight but in time it will sink in.

I am sure with a little understanding and patience from both of you, your stepson will learn to trust both of you and realise for himself what wonderful parents you both are.

I wish you all lots of luck.

Answer 3

Not easy coming in at 14. It is much easier when they are younger. However you are the queen of your own house and he has to learn to respect that. Part of his behaviour is designed to annoy you. Kids at that age do such intentionally. So part of it is not letting him get your goat.

Not sure what you mean by respect for women. If you mean he's looking at scantily clad ladies get over it. Thats normal behavior for guys and it's going to happen period. Nor is it disrespectfull. If you mean he downs women in convos and treats his girlfriends with utter contempt then you have something to be concerned about and so does he. Most people go thorugh life surrounded by people but utterly alone. They feel breif splashes of contact with another human being which is what passes for love for most people. If you can make him understand just how alone he'll always be if he trashes his woman you might get him to understand why such behavior is unacceptable. Get him to see the why. If you have a good point and present it well in a non-authoritarin way he'll likely learn the lesson. He may take many years or might not ever even admit he learned it but you have a chance to reach him that way.

What you won't accomplish is being an authority figure on this point. That will just drive him deeper into disrespect. Chivalry has almost died because of extreme Feminists. Rap is helping destroy the remnents, though it's fading in non-Rap listeners as well. Chivalry should come from his father though. How his father treats his ex and treats you are how he'll start thinking women should be treated. A bigger influence is how his friends and if he has idols treat women. So start with how your husband treats you. Look for subtle hints that might be loud exclamations to your step son.

Most importantly is overall is he a good kid? If he is try to remember that when he frustrates you. Also remember be suspicious of a child, very suspicious of a 14 year old that doesn't frustrate their parents LOL. Thats a tough age and the parents are the authority he must rebel against to gain his individual idenity, they are also a convienent punching bag for the frustrations of that age. 14 year olds know it all and are very upset by adults treating them as if they knew nothing. Seriously they are on the edge of being adults. They resent parental guidance at this point. They are heading toward the peak of hormones they have no idea how to tame yet. Life is unfair to them at every turn. This kid has probably many issues with the likely turmoil in his life. While you cannot be his buddy, you can become a good ear for him to lay his troubles on and a source of advice occasionally listened too. You have to establish first you are not going to be pushed around. Then get his respect. Then earn his confidence. Not an easy task. You also need to find a good role model for him. Somebody he'd accept as a role model. Pointing at some cultural figure you respect but that he thinks is a dweeb just cuts you down a few notches. Knowing who he thinks highly of and finding somebody in that crowd that at least is sort of worth emulating is your best bet. You may not like the guy at all but if he's got some redeeming qualities at least some of those might pass down to your step son.

Good luck with things. Hope this helped a bit.

Answer 4

Find out what is really bugging him...It might just be the fact that his "Dad" is not there spending that quality time as he would have like it to be.. Another reason for his feeling is just the fact that his "Mom" has no need for him and because of this ,He does resent any women in general.. How does he get along with gals his own age or for that matter his female school teachers.?
Does he respect them the same way..Nip it before it gets out of hand..Other wise you might lose them both.. Hubby and Son..

Answer 5

Unfortunately at the age of fourteen he is too old to try to dicipline by a step parent of any age. That is something that your husband is going to have to find a way to do. Even if it means getting a local route of some sort. It is unfair of him to expect you to parent a child that has no respect or loyalty to. This is one of those head shakers where a fother has no clue to what is best for his son or for a family.

Answer 6

i think all he needs is a little love and understanding. if you really think about it he needs a mom to hug him and listen to his daily things. i think what you should do is get to know him better and when you see him frustrated and acting all up ,instead of grounding him, ask him whats wrong or give him a hug and let him know that your their for him, he is still a kid. and his in that age that he needs a little understanding. maybe if you did things with him like going to the movies, going out to the park. take him to the pools, let him know your their for him. and that you will protect him from harm. all i can say is that with love and respect he will change ,,,and you will win a son

Answer 7

the kid is not your resposability. it's your husbands!
if the kid doesn't want to listen to house rules he doesn't need to be in the house. SIMPLE.
who's name is the home in? not the kids'!
he can either follow the rules or get out on his own and make his own rules and learn how hard life is.
i understand that people will not agree with me, but he is old enough to make a decission about not following rules and WANTING to make life difficult for step mom then he's old enough to make his own life and his own difficulties.

TOUGH LOVE

Answer 8

I think you need some parenting classes and support. You should see what is available in your area.