We currently are engaged and living with our parents my fiancee wants to wait another year or so before moving out should we get married first or wait until we live together???
2006-06-12 15:04:13 · 20 answers · asked by MelC 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
LIVE TOGETHER FIRST!
Think about it as an interview. Some people think of it as "playing house" but the truth is, People are way different when you live together than they are when you are just dating. You learn lots about each other and your living habits. In my opinion not living together first is kind of like jumping into a pool not knowing how deep the water is..
good luck.
2006-06-12 15:10:38 · answer #1 · answered by ashez 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Congratulations on your engagement!! That is SOOO excitiing! Yaay!
I know this is completely against what most traditionalists will tell you, but I strongly recommend living together first. It's just so different than being engaged and living seperately. You have NO idea how many little things will need to get worked out. When you have the pressure of a marriage on you AND getting used to living with someone it can be very very stressful. I am so thankful every day that we lived together first, even before we were engaged. That just gave us a chance to work out all the little (and not so little) issues before we became man and wife.
I dont know, there's something about being married that adds more pressure to a disagreement. It's really nice to get through those living together fights before you're married.
I also have a friend who lived with her fiance for 5 months before they got married and she wished they had more time together before the wedding, also. They had a really hard time the first year because they were not only working on the living together thing, but also the being married thing. It was tough.
What concerns me most about your situation is that you are both still living with your parents. It's going to be doubly hard, I think, to go from your parents' house to living together. Neither of you have any idea what it's like to live outside of your parents' house and that might cause more problems.
Having said that....I was just a little disappointed after we got married because nothing changed. We had lived together for a little over 2 years and being married was just the same as being engaged only we had wedding pictures. So, that made me a little sad.
But the bottom line is that whatever you and your fiance think is best for the two of you, is what you should do. Talk to him. Make a list of the pro's and con's and discuss them to come up with a solution you both agree to. After all, it will be great practice to discuss and agree on this issue before the really important things come up!
2006-06-12 22:24:41 · answer #2 · answered by jenniferaboston 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not try before you buy, who needs to commit anyway! This is the thinking strongly supported in society today. Where is the love and commitment to this relationship? what happens if you get pregnant? Would you only marry then for the sake of the child down the track, what then is the purpose of marriage, just a wedding?
My advice then would to be honest to each other, cort one another, but most of all be yourselves and if you both truly love each other and are ready then make and mean that commitment to each other with no regrets then marry him. If so you will know each other and grow together and work through the little flaws in each other. Don't want the wedding first then realise it really isn't that special from any other night. One last thing how long does it take to truly commit? Goodluck!
2006-06-12 22:37:10 · answer #3 · answered by Tom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call me old fashion, but i think a couple sound get married first. i mean to each their own. i know couples who have lived together and then got married and it didnt last and some it did. i also know some people who waited and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. i feel if he wants u as a wife and u want to be, settling for a living fiancee takes all the fun out of looking forward to the rest of ur life to find out the small things. the good the bad and the ugly.
some people may disagree but i feel u should wait and make it mean something
2006-06-12 22:16:18 · answer #4 · answered by fun time gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the majority of people will tell you to live together first, to get to know the other person's habits. My fiance and I personally made the choice to wait until we're married, for our own reasons, no one else's. I have heard that statistically people who live together before they are married do not last as long, but to each their own. We personally are old-fashioned, and just really wanted to keep the mystery in our relationship until we actually become one. I know a lot of people that lived together before they got married, and I think that's perfectly fine. I personally felt it might take away from how special our relationship is, and will make it that much better when we actually join our lives together! Good luck!
2006-06-14 20:41:01 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, whatever feels right for u is the right answer. if u live together u'll know how it is before marriage. i mean a lot of little things that sound really silly can turn out to be a problem once u start living together-he doesn't do the dishes the way u do them, u don't make the bed the way he likes it and so on. again it can be really exciting to learn those things after u get married. so honestly it's completely up to u and how u feel.
2006-06-12 23:47:42 · answer #6 · answered by Unicorn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say get married first! That way when you move in together it will be as a married couple, and much more special.
The divorce rate for people who live together first is actually slightly higher than for those who don't. Although this correlation might be due to the fact that people who choose to get married first are often more religious and opposed to divorce. But at any rate, living together certainly won't prevent divorce.
2006-06-13 03:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by Penelope 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm also old-fashioned and think you should be married first. I work in the wedding business and see this all the time. Couples are too comfortable after living together before and many couples get married only because they think its the "right thing to do". Make the right choice and wait to move in together... you'll appreciate all his annoying quirks more afterwards. :)
Congrats and good luck to you!!!
2006-06-13 00:20:06 · answer #8 · answered by Whatever 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, ideally you get married first. That of course stems from no sex until marriage. That doesn't happen much nowadays. My husband and were married 5 months before we lived together. There were extenuating circumstances. We were both military and he was going away to do more training. When he finished he got stationed in NC and I wait until I could get stationed there. Then we had to wait until we closed on our house! We were living on opposite ends of town on two different bases. I think it's a personal decision. Good luck!
2006-06-12 22:14:25 · answer #9 · answered by proud_usmc_wife04 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should get married first then move in together. You are kind of living together now, but why not get married and then get a place of your own, rather than moving out and getting married later.
2006-06-12 22:16:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋