We have a strict budget for our wedding, we are a young couple and paying for most of it oursselves. Our guest list cannot be over 70 or 75. I had a friend email me to say congrats on my engagment and that she hopes she gets to come. That made me a little sad, how to I break it to her and others that they won't be invited. Not because I dont like them or anything, but we just cannot afford distant friends to be at the wedding in addition to family and close friends. I feel bad, but the reception is gonna cost about $15 a person, plus the high cost of photographers, ect. I just dont know how to go about telling people w/o hurting feelings.
2006-06-12 14:45:19 · 10 answers · asked by TeraBytes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Congratulations! I know how stressful it can be to plan and pay for your own wedding. I have coordinated several for my friends as well as my own and here are some rules of thumb that a good caterer will tell you:
About 75% of your RSVP's will be yes. Of those who respond that they are coming, about 10% will not show up for various reasons. Caterers plan 10% over.
Unless you are sending out 75 invitations with absolute certainty that all 75 will attend, you can safely invite a few more.
As an aside, I am always shocked at how assumptive people can be to hint that they are invited! I guess they don't realize how rude that comes across and how burdensome it can be to the bride!
2006-06-13 08:18:24 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle S 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You say, "Oh I'm so sorry, but it's a small wedding, with just our family and a few very close friends." A lot of people who say they hope they'll be invited are only being polite anyhow. After all, they can hardly say "Gee I hope you DON'T invite me becuase I sure don't want to cough up for a gift!"
If someone "kindly" offers to reimburse you the "per person" fee in return for an invitation, you plead that you are limited by the size of the hall.
2006-06-12 15:13:34 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good lord, 75 seems like a lot to me. Are you inviting your third grade teacher?
Tell your friend that you only have so many tables... and they'll all be taken up by your new in-laws, so holy cow are you gonna need a good girls' night out to deal with all that, and can she please come out for a few drinks with you? You so wish she could be at the wedding, but your husband's got this really ugly cousin who hits on everybody so it's just as well that she's missing out!
No, seriously, explain to her that there's only so much space, and then plan some time with her. She wants to wish you well.
2006-06-12 20:17:54 · answer #3 · answered by smurfette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to address a previous response: it is very tacky to invite some people to the ceremony only. That is completely against etiquette and is completely unacceptable unless the non-invited guest suggests it. (Update: I see that person deleted that suggestion. Good. An even more scary suggestion followed saying to tell the person to pay for themselves! AARGH!)
There is a WONDERFUL book out that I relied heavily on when I was planning my wedding. It is called, "Anti-Bride Etiquette Guide: The Rules and How to Bend Them." which was perfect for me because I didnt want to do everything all traditional. Anyway, in the book they offer advice on how to get out of sticky situations and what to say. Their advice in this kind of situation is to be honest and apologetic saying, "Actually our small budget really limited the number of people we could invite. I wish we could have included you but unfortunately it wasnt possible.
Having said that, what you might want to do instead of just not inviting her, is send out the invitations early. There will be some people who cant come. When you receive those responses back that they cant come, you can send invitations to those who you wanted to invite but couldnt because of financial constraints.
Good luck!
2006-06-12 15:11:46 · answer #4 · answered by jenniferaboston 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you can find someone who does photography on the side and is just as good as the professional. i did this and it's only costing me a hundred dollars for him to take the photos. that includes putting them all on CDs for me so that I can choose which ones to print out and he even offered to print them out if i needed him to at an additional cost. doing this, i saved several hundred dollars and opened up the budget more.
otherwise tell her you are sorry, but it's nothing against her. tell her it's family and friends who are like family and whomever is in the wedding party. she should understand if she any sort of friend. i had this problem myself. you could always have a cook-out or something VERY informal and non-expensive at a later date.
2006-06-12 16:02:40 · answer #5 · answered by beckyg_98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm big on the straight out truth.
let her know that while you would love to have her and value her friendship, due to budget constraints the reception is primarily limited to extended family & wedding party . If she is a true friend, she should understand.
2006-06-12 14:56:23 · answer #6 · answered by justsaynotogrumps 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just briefly explain your cost issues and say you wish you could have her come but you've had to cut out a lot of people unfortunately. Maybe have a BBQ for everyone when you get back from your honeymoon (bring your own meat).
2006-06-13 13:48:29 · answer #7 · answered by daisy519 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell her you are having a small private wedding with family
2006-06-12 15:03:09 · answer #8 · answered by Jacey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the truth and suggest they pay their own way instead of a gift?
arrgh I don't know.. go to www.theknot.com and ask this there on their forums
good luck
2006-06-12 15:12:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
invite the other guest to a fake party, that way they think they are invited
2006-06-12 14:58:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋