well, I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years now and have been madly in love. Just recently I found out that in the first year of dating cheated on me and lied when I questioned him. He actually lied to me a lot about the whole situation he kept on creating new lies everytime I would find out a little bit of what happened. The problem is that he is jealous of other guys that are around me and is afraid that I will cheat on him. I do get a lot of attention from men but would never do anything. Should I end this relationship? or will he be true to me and stop worrying about me with other men? I mean do you think that he will cheat on me again? the thing is that when my friends found out her cheated on me the were honestly in shock, because when my boyfriend is around me he acts as if there is no other girl in the world. what should I do?
2006-06-12 13:53:28 · 15 answers · asked by Ashlee 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thanks for the answers already everyone! I just feel that everyone is quick to say break-up. it's not that easy, I left my hometown to go away to college with him 10hrs away. This has been really hard for me, the only reason why i found out that he cheated on me was where he found out that this guy at work was coming on to me really strong and was relentless in wanting to be with me, but I said no. My boyfriend said that the reason why he cheated was because he was away for a week and really wanted me to be there and thought of her as me. He also said that he he stopped because he said that he loved me. i love this man, and I could see myself with him for the rest of my life but at the same time I feel that I could move on and find a new man. what do you think?
2006-06-12 14:40:23 · update #1
Ever hear the saying that the guilty always accuse? Well, it's a true to word statement. Apparently, you weren't accusing him of anything. You had the facts and chose to believe that he didnt do it when you questioned him. That's what love is. His jealousy is stemming from the fact that HE himself is the guilty party. He realizes what HE has done, and he's worried that he'll lose you to someone who's better for you. I don't say break up with him over something that happened years ago, but at least bring it completely out in the open.
2006-06-12 13:56:14 · answer #1 · answered by silvlply_lvle 1 · 17⤊ 4⤋
Girl, you can do so much better! your boyfriend is probably insecure and doesnt trust you enough if he is jealous of other men. i would not trust this guy if i were you. I know its 4 years and you are attached and everything but unless he shows you that he is a changed men and everything and he would never do that again...break up with him asap. there will be someone who will appreciate you and not lie to you! and also. ask him WHY he cheated on you? dont get mad at him..cos if he did cheat. that means that there was something missing in your relationship. FIND OUT what was missing and he will never cheat again. and the other thing...he is scared that you will cheat on him? he is so scared he goes and cheats on you with other chick??!!!! u know whats that called in psychology? its called "psychological projection" . basically he tells you that he is scared that u will cheat on him but in fact he is saying that he is scared that HE WILL cheat ON YOU. its a basic psy response. i suggest you find out what his problem is..is he so insecure in himself that cant handle the fact that you are hot and men check you out? he should be proud and not scared! why cant he trust you? what made him cheat on you? was he sexually or emotionally deprieved or what?what was in that girl that attracted him so much that your feelings were neglected? why did he feel he had to lie? he will probably lie to you again so you have to make him feel that its ok to tell you the truth. he is in the safe environment with you.you wont flip out and dump him. basically tell him to tell you the truth all the time cos he needs to trust you. and if there is no trust..thats the end of the relationship..i would also suggest that u spend some time (7-14 days) apart so that he gets his punishment. Tell him that you need to think it over and dont take him back quickly. he will suffer and love you and want you back 10x more. you NEED to SHOW HIM ThAT HE CAN LOSE YOU! that he can NEVER TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED. people appreciate everything so much more once that everything is gone..so be gone for a few days! u know that janet jackson song..dont it always seem to go that you dont know what u have till its gone?and then after 2 weeks, take him back and have a serious conve that this is the last time and if he will EVER LIE TO YOU AGAIN, you are gone and you will be fine considering that so many men want you (dont forget to mention that) and he should be willing to trust you if he wants to be with you....basically..its 50-50..he might cheat again and he might not. see a couple councellor if you can. and dont settle down for crappy men! dont lower your standards just because you've been together for such long time. you can still break up and find the happiness and someone who will never do such things to you. its your choice. so think well. your may think you know a person, but you never really know whats inside..and your friends wont know either. goodluck.
2006-06-12 21:18:37 · answer #2 · answered by Feodora 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's never nice to build a relationship on lies, though I'm sure your boyfriend has his own reasons. When he is jealous of you cheating on him, he is actually projecting his own fears onto you. The best thing to do would be to approach the situation calmly. Make him feel comfortable to talk about it, and be patient. You guys have been together for a pretty long time now, and for you to last that long, you should have a pretty strong communcation exchange. Talk, then if he lies and cheats on you again, then it's time to get serious and look for somebody else.
2006-06-12 21:00:27 · answer #3 · answered by stef 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its been over 3 yrs since the incident happened? Maybe he is sorry. But when a man is insecure of you hanging around other guys usually that means they are capable of doing something so be careful
2006-06-12 20:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by T Burr 22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This relationship is over. If he cheated once, he could do it again. If you are thinking of cheating, that doesn't help. The only way this relationship can survive is if you forgive him totally and never bring it up and vow to not cheat on him and keep that vow.
2006-06-12 20:58:36 · answer #5 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BREAKUP!!!! You don't know how longs he's been cheating. He could have cheated after day one. All thats important is that he cheated and got caught and if you don't break up with him you never know if he'll do it again. Don't take that risk!
2006-06-12 20:57:12 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick with him and take him for everything you can get until he dumps you. If he's got nothing worth staying for now then dump him.
2006-06-12 21:03:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
break up with him
as they say - we learn about history to know whats gonna happen in the future
if he did it once, whos to say he wont do it again ?
2006-06-12 20:57:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
break up w/ him and tell him to ***** off for being an a.ss and cheating on you.
2006-06-12 20:56:42 · answer #9 · answered by jmon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up.
Broken.
2006-06-12 20:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋