Asked to be Best Man, but can't bring girlfriend of 2.5 years to the wedding?! What's the deal?

Question

I've been asked to be the best man in my friend's wedding. I just received their invitation to the wedding and it was only addressed to me and says that I have one seat at the wedding. That means my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years was not invited. What the heck? I called the bride and groom and they told me their rule is that if their friends are either not married or engaged to their significant other they will not be able to bring them. This seems weird because 1) they are having about 200 people at the wedding and 2) I'm the best man. What's the protocol here. Please advise! Thanks!

Answer 1

sounds pretty crappy to me... maybe you'd be better off to decline the invite and simply tell them, "if my significant other isn't invited, i'll have to pass. thanks."

people get kinda psycho about wedding junk. good luck.

Answer 2

That is really awful! They should at least make an exception for the people in the bridal party!

Wow. I have only heard of such inconsiderateness once before.

My cousin got married maybe 15 years ago and my fiance wasnt allowed to go either. I was supposed to be in her wedding but I declined. I went to the ceremony, stayed for dinner and then had my fiance pick me up. I couldnt believe how rude that was of her! And my fiance and I were living together at the time, too!

All I can tell you is that you should really ask your friend to make an exception. Tell him how much it would mean to you to have your girlfriend there. After all, some people never get married and are happily together forever. So, I dont think that the piece of paper (or ring in the case of being engaged) should have any bearing on whether your girlfriend is invited.

You could offer to pay for her dinner, if money is what they are concerned about.

Bottom line is, do what you feel is right. You will get a whole myriad of answers covering all options. Only you know what's right for you.

Answer 3

If I was you I would be super pissed. I have never heard of a wedding where you could not bring your significant other or a date. Usually weddings allow single people to bring 1 person with them as a date. The fact that you are in the wedding party and have a long time girlfriend, and they did not include her seems just rude to me.
You need to talk to the bride and groom and tell them they are being unreasonable. Let them know that you and girlfriend aren't newly going out - you've been going out for 2.5 years. I don't know how close you are to these people, but I'm going to assume pretty close since you are best man - but I would tell them that you won't be attending if you can't bring your girlfriend with you.
If you attend that wedding without your girlfriend she is going to feel very left out and hurt that she isn't considered to be a big enough part of your life to go with you. If you go alone - no matter waht your gf says - she will be hurt, I'm a woman and I know I would be hurt and infuriated if my man did something like that.
The bride and the groom need to bed their stringent rules just a little bit - you are the best man after all. I will also say it again that I've never heard of a wedding where people couldn't bring dates. Best of luck with this and remember that being a best man should come before being a loving boyfriend.

Answer 4

Wow, that does suck, but you are not alone. My brother just got married in April and they invited 400 people to the reception, but only 100 to the actual wedding. Plus no children under 10 were allowed at the wedding. The chapel was small and could only seat 100, but there were alot of hurt feelings in the situation. Everyone tried their best to follow their wedding wishes. I would think that those in the wedding party should be allowed a date. I hope it all works out for you, but remember try not to ruffle any feathers especially being the best man and all. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I take it they know your girlfriend and know you have been together for 2.5 years. If that is the case they are being rude to both you and your girlfriend. I certainly wouldn't want to go to a wedding alone especially if I had been with someone for 2.5 years. I would tell them ONE more time that It would mean alot if they could invite your girlfriend too. If they still say no, then I would tell them I couldn't be in the wedding or even attend the wedding. They expect you to spend lots of $$ and time being in the wedding party and dont even have enough consideration to invite your girlfriend. I wouldn't put up with it! This is your time to take up for your girlfriend - Dont let her down!

Answer 6

That is totally weird. Every time that I've been to a wedding the invitation was with a guest. I feel that if you're the best man that they should allow your girlfriend to attend.

If they are on a really tight budget, and with 200 guests it doesn't sound like they are, maybe you can ask if you can bring your girlfriend and pay for her meal at the reception. That way they won't feel obligated to stick by their silly rule.

Answer 7

Well, I would say that it's their wedding so they can do it however they like, but that I felt disrespected by their decision. I would tell them that if that's how they feel, I'd decline. And to the person who said you should propose to your girlfriend and that it's not binding just to propose, that is undermining the marriage institution. While engagement is not a legal pact, it is an emotional one. You are pledging your life to that person when you propose, so to treat it so frivolously is disrespectful on so many levels. Think of it this was: which would hurt more:1:breaking up with a significant other or 2: breaking up with a fiance(e)?

Answer 8

You may not like this, but I dont believe there is a protocol around this. It is just a choice your friends have made. You know them, but I think they must be young or stupid or both, because they are trying to control the behaviors of others, just because they are getting married. In their eyes they may have good reason, but I can assure you that in 5 to 10 years they will look back and think how daft they were. The question now is what are you going to do about it? Personally I think I would be offended and seriously consider not being the best man. But this depends upon the strength of your friendship and how important it is to you, versus not taking your lady and upsetting her. In short, your friends are being unreasonable, of that I have no doubt. But how much does it put you out to comply, or not?

Answer 9

Apparently there is no "protocol," because your so called friends have just thrown every rule of etiquette and common decency out the window. Tell them they need a new best man, because you want to be as lucky as them someday, and going to this wedding without your girlfriend is going to damage your relationship.

Or, pretend to be engaged for the weekend.

This is seriously uncool. I understand that they don't want to pay for everybody to bring their date-of-the-week, but if they know you're in a long standing relationship, there's no excuse for not inviting her. None.

Answer 10

I think your friends are WAY off base by not inviting your significant other. It's not like you've been dating 2.5 months, it's YEARS. She's obviously a big part of your life and especially since you are the best man, they should respect you. Don't know what to tell you to do, since you already called and they told you why they did that, but it's not right that they did, especially when they are having that many guests anyways.

Answer 11

Socially, there are 3 levels of relationship ... friendship, engagement, and marriage. One must invite engaged and married couples as a couple. There is no corresponding obligation to invite friends. The friendship's longevity and level of intimacy are irrelevant, as are the length of the guest list and your own honored position in the bridal party.

Is your girlfriend a usual part of the social circle of either the bride's family or the groom's family? If yes, she may merit an invitation on her own behalf. But if not, you can hardly expect a hostess to permit guests to bring guests of their own. Try to look at it from the hostess's point of view. If she extends to you the privilege of bringing "a friend" then EVERYONE will want to bring a friend and she will totally lose control of her guest list.

Further, as best man it is your duty to assist the bridal couple in entertaining their guests, not to busy yourself with guests of your own.

It is not unusual for a wedding guest list to be limited to "our own family and dear friends" with no provision for bringing "a date". I am not saying that this "no ring, no bring" rule is fair or right or better, merely that it is the traditional rule of etiquette.