How will I get a husband if I broadcast all this about the rape ?

Question

Im just sitting here thinking..how will I get a husband if everybody knows Ive been raped ? Wont a guy think Im dirty and mental if i broadcast all this dark stuff that happened to me? What will a guy say to me if he knows i was in and out of my body and felt like i was two people ? And all the things I did to myself...how will i explain my stupid scars ? If I have to tell everything in court wont that make me look dirty and screwed up? Why wouldnt a guy think i could never be normal and love him after this crap ? ( someone asked my age. Im 18 but I feel like Im 12 still and 25 at the same time...I know thats weird ) plz pray some more about this if you can...

Im so glad i can ask these questions and not be known..it makes me feel ok with asking and helps me alot

ADDER ASTROS....UR A STINKING MEAN MAN PIG...EXACTLY WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT...U MAKE ME WANT TO BE A LESBIAN......

Answer 1

I told my husband before we were engaged. At the point where I realized it was serious, but before we made any formal plans, I told him everything.

It was really hard for him to hear. But not because he thought less of me. He loves me. It's hard for him to watch me get a shot at the doctor's office. It was hard for him to think of anyone doing that to me. He was angry at the guy. But he never loved me any less for it.

I told him all kinds of things about myself. Everything I disliked. Every vice I have. Every fear.

When someone really loves you, they love all of you. The good and the bad. The whole and the broken parts. They want you to heal for your own sake, but they don't reject you for your woundedness.

You don't have to worry about Mr. Right right now. He'll come along when you are ready. Right now, you are not available. You have to heal enough to hold love from someone else. It's not a matter of earning it or being good enough, it's a matter of being restored to a place where relationships, love and trust are not excruciating. After rape, you don't feel safe. Even with a safe person. Working through your feelings and healing is the best gift you can give yourself and your future husband.

One step at a time. You don't have to see the top of the staircase to take the first step.

Answer 2

i could not have said it better than music_girl did.

i like to add that i can imagine that you even lost all trust in the male side of this world. I'm a guy, and i can only say that it makes me feel ashamed when i see what some of my male 'colegues' do to women. it's insane and it sometimes drives me crazy.

I have a friend who's been raped as a little girl, and i know how hard it was for her to get over that. i also know that she DID get over it. The road to recovery, to healing is a hard road, filled with all sorts of pain, but in the end it's worth it. trust me on that. My friend is married now, she has a child, and she is happy.

On your worries: No sane guy, or sane person would think you're 'dirty'. I have a little poem that is kinda a guideline in my life. It's not mine, so i won't take the credits for it. I translated it from Dutch (my language) so it lost a little of it's power, but maybe it helps.


DONT BE AFFRAID

Don't be affraid
you can always start new
start over totally focused
or start over with a blurry view
stick with the rules
or do it your own way
when you see a hand, just take it
or sometimes let one go away

Don't be affraid
for too many big wishes
go for love only if you are sure
when you hesitate just wait for other fishes
remember that beautiful things only happen
when you least expect it
the things u thought of in advance
will never fit

Don't be affraid
of what people think of you
most don't even know the truth about themselves
so about you they can never be true
never be too frightened
to feel or notice a love that is true
someday in some future u will see
that somebody realy loves you

Don't be affraid
you are one of many people
and at the same time
there is only one like you
that means a lot of times
you need to share
but it also means
that a lot of people care

I have seen your previous questions the last days, i did read them, but i never had the courage to answer on such a delicate subject. For some reason now i really wanted to answer. For the rest i can only say: good luck to you!

Answer 3

This same thing has happened to me. I know what your going through. You are not dirty, the person that raped you in the dirty one. As for scars, ya I have them. I am 24 and just getting through the same thing. I married a wonderful man that doesn't think I am anything close to dirty. The thing is to take things one day at a time. People make mistakes, and they shouldn't judge you for yours either.
There is that one perfect man that is out there for you that will love you no matter what. He will be mad that the man that raped you and wish that he was there to protect you. You are not dirty and don't let anyone make you feel different. I feel for you and pray that it will get better for you.

Answer 4

Any guy who's worth getting with will treat you right regardless of what happened to you. Of course "hi, I was raped" isn't the best pickup line on the planet. So while it shouldn't be the first thing you tell them, if the relationship starts getting serious they ought to know.

As for the court thing, how will "everyone" know what you say there? I live in a small town and I have no clue what court cases go on. Somehow I can't imagine that every guy in your town will be aware of what you tell the judge and such.

P.S. You should find out if there's some kind of rape counseling thing in your area. I'd help if I could, but I don't know how. :(

Answer 5

I know that it must be difficult to think that you could trust a man after the bad dark things you went though, There are good men out there, Men that have the compassion to look past the scars and see the scared hurt person inside. Don't give up, But don't rush at it either, You will know when you are ready in your heart, but for now you really need to do something for yourself and that is forgive yourself. You are the victim, if he had only beaten you it would have not been so bad, if he had only robbed you then the money and the fear would fade quite quick, but you had something more important taken from you and that was your dignity. Hate him for it not what he has tried to make you. Good luck, remember to shout, scream ,cry ,be angry and above all learn to trust again.

Answer 6

WHOA!!! Wait a minute, sweetie, let's not rush things. Sllllooooowwww down.

First of all, like we talked about... the first priority... the ONLY ONE right now is that you get into therapy. You've got all the time in the world to think about getting married.

Second, never ever marry a man that loves you for anything other than who you are. In other words, if he has a problem with what you have been through, then he's not good enough for you. Period.

Third, whether or not you prosecute is something that you will need to address, like I said, once you are in therapy. Gotta take it step by step... the first step is to get help. Once you have help, you can begin taking more steps, like deciding what to do about your attacker.

Fourth, ignore people that have so little love in their heart as to say such mean and irresponsible things. Chalk it up to their own insecurity and feel sorry for them.

Keep your chin up. Deep breaths, relax, and focus on not letting your symptoms rule your life.

*hugs*

Answer 7

Your not dirty nor are you a mental case. you suffered a very serious trauma. and there is nothing to feel less worthy of. first you have to forgive yourself and forgive the man that raped you. then you can begin a healing process. i say forgive yourself because you may be feeling some ill thoughts and blaming yourself as if it was your fault, but its not. not inflicting pain on yourself thats number two. thank god that he didnt take your life and remember that it could have happened to anyone and its not your fault. pray that GOD loves your pain away and gives you strength to heal properly so that when the time is right you can love wholeheartedly and not just to a man but to family and others that come across you. and also ask that he give you knowledge and wisdow of men only looking to take advantage and those that are sincere in there words. all and all this is a very sad situation but you will overcome. GOD isnt going to give you what you cant handle, and what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.

take care and be blessed.

Answer 8

Hey I was raped when I was 14. I did not talk about it for many years other than to a family counselor. However, as I got older (I am now only 25) I am able to talk about it with the person I am serious with. He reacted like he should have: angry at the person who did it not angry at me or what caused. Just sad about it.
What was done to you is not something that you will ever overcome however you must realize that although rape is awful it will cause you to be more careful about letting people into your life. And this will lead you to have a man who loves you inspite of everything who will not judge you for what someone else did to you. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your experience. If you are only 18, you have years ahead of you, many things to do, people to meet, and places to go. Not everyone will know what has happened to you unless you choose to tell them.
It is not unusual for you to have experienced yourself as being out of your body. It is Nature's way of protecting you from great pain.
It is referred to as disassociation and it is natural.
I would hope you will get some psychological help. But I would suggest that you never ever refer to yourself as a victim. You have been victimized and had a horrible experience but you are NOT a victim, so don't carry that label around with you. You are still perfect in every way. That experience was a very short time in terms of your life history.
When you meet someone you love and who loves you, your past experience will not be an issue.
Blessings upon you.

Answer 10

A real man will love you regardless and realize that you are a victim of circumstance not a "dirty mental case" as you put it. Love isn't about doing for self it's about doing whatever it takes for the happiness of the other and marriage only works if you both have that same selfless attitude. YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WILL LOVE YOU ALL THE MORE SO B/C OF THESE TERRIBLE THINGS AND WILL MAKE IT HIS MISSION TO KEEP YOU FROM HARM. YOU ARE SPECIAL AND THIS NEVER SHOULD'VE HAPPENED TO YOU. GOD PROMISES THAT THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH AND THEY WILL FIND THEIR 'EXQUISITE DELIGHT' IN THE ABUNDANCE OF PEACE. Telling all in court will not make you look dirty and screwed up. I don't care if you paraded naked in front of the entire neighborhood w/ a sign that said 'free sex-first come first serve' YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THAT TREATMENT !!! AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE LOSER WHO DID THIS TO YOU WANTS YOU TO THINK.