Why does it take so long to get over someone you cared about for a very brief period(less than 4 months)?

Question

I was involved in what most people would call a "fling", but to me it was more than that. We shared some very intimate moments, spent lots of time together, never had a single bad moment, and it ended abruptly and unexpectedly. I wasn't looking to get married or anything like that, but I did take the relationship a little more serious than I would a friendship. Then one day, she told me that she "didn't want a real relationship". Each of us made several attempts to contact eachother after we had taken some time apart after "the talk", but we never actually spoke (only through messages). I haven't spoken to her since, but for some reason, I still think about her, and whenever I do I get really upset. I'm sure my feelings for her were stronger than her feelings for me, but you would think after 3 months of no contact, I would have moved on. Do I need to contact her to get some sort of closure, or is this normal when you basically get dumped?

Answer 1

It is difficult I know. Been there and done that and its not much fun. You just have to be patient. Find someone else to share some time with. Someone out there is worthy of your love and efforts. Time heals all wounds and this is going to take some time. In the meantime while your wounds are healing, find a hobby, join a gym, or take a evening class, anything to get you out of your blues. Mingle with others and find someone else that you like and before long it will be easier for you to think about her and not be upset. It wont be easy, but you will be ok and you will be a stronger person in the long run from all of this. Yes a closure would be a nice thing to have but some people dont like confrontations or goodbyes. Dont beat yourself up over it. Learn from it and consider it a chapter in your life and start working on a new chapter. Good Luck!! And yes, this is normal feelings when you get dumped or something doesnt seem to have ended as it is "suppose to". Lots of unanswered questions still in your head, rehashing over and over. Best thing to do is go on with your life and cherish the memories you had and concentrate on making new ones. Old saying is "when one door closes, another one opens". Dont be so into your sadness that you miss an opportunity.

Answer 2

I don't think you need to contact her for closure, I think you can get that from within yourself.

I think maybe since it was such a short period of time, and you said you never had a bad moment..... well maybe you have made her out to be the "perfect woman" in your mind. In the beginning of any relationship both the man and woman are showing thier "best" side.

So I don't doubt you feel broken hearted, I think given more time with her you would have some bad moments and maybe discover there are all kinds of things you don't care for in her.

Keep you head held high.

Answer 3

every person u meet and u care for is important for u. and i'm sure it'll take atleast 6 months to even get to think about aomething else than her. it depends how much close u were to her may be in ur mind, and how much u used to think of her in ur evry day life. the only thing i would say is try to accept the reality and be practical. if she would b interested she would've tried to contact u.

Answer 4

I think it's normal. Give it a few more months.