A person very dear to me was killed in an accident...the other driver was driving a stolen vehicle.?

Question

How do I forgive this person??????? She has also been in an accident causing a fatality before. She was driving a stolen van, had 1 warrant already and was caught Sunday robbing a store.

Answer 1

The question of forgiveness is a personal issue and one only you can decide. It will definitely take some time to heal, regardless of what decision you ultimately come to.

A few questions come to mind, however. Was the death accidental or intentional? Was the person driving under the influence of alcohol or an illegal drug? Was she driving negligently? Or were both drivers mutually at fault? I don't see how the fact that it was a stolen van has anything to do with whether she is a merciless killer or not, however. It establishes that she is a criminal in other situations, as does the robbery, which might lead one to conclude that she has no respect for human life, but are you sure that's really the case? Did she use a loaded weapon during the robbery, for example? Did she hurt anyone during the robbery? Was she trying to escape the robbery when your friend was killed? And perhaps the most important question, does she express remorse for the death she caused?

Perhaps your religion has specific teachings addressing forgiveness, in which case, you should consult those or speak with a minister/rabbi/imam to help you sort things out. If you're not religious, then you can seek counseling with a professional therapist or simply rely upon your own conscience. With time, things will seem clearer to you one way or another, although the pain of prematurely losing a loved one surely will never disappear.

Best of luck with your personal journey in dealing with this loss.

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know it is very hard for you right now. I understand how you feel about not forgiving her, but its like this. Suppose you were to have an accident and it just happened and a person got killed. Would you want to be forgiven. God will take care of the rest dear. Believe me. No stone un turned will there be. Nothing hid. You should never hate enough to not forgive. After all Jesus forgave those who severaly persacuted him and killed him. We should do like wise.
I hope this helps some.
God Bless.
Globug

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear that.

But the best way for you to view "forgiveness" is NOT to look for good points in this other person (it sounds as if they may be hard to find).

You should think first and foremost about yourself. Anger feels good for a little while, but it creeps into everything we say, think, and do. And when we act in anger, we do things we regret, and hurt the feelings of innocent friends and family.

You really have to be the "big" person here, and just resolve that this whole thing was unavoidable (because in reality, it was). We have to live in the present. It is the only moment we can control.

And this way, whether you consciously forgive this person or not, it doesn't matter, because your heart will be "light", and not "heavy".

I suppose all these things are easy for me to say. But It is a fact that by holding a grudge, you can make a miserable person more miserable. . .but at what cost to you and your living friends who have to deal with you?

Forget about HER, do what's right for YOU~

Answer 4

I am sorry for your loss. Pray that God will open your heart and give you mercy and forgiveness. It is the right thing to forgive. Once you can forgive then you will be able to not let this affect your life. It won't be easy, but you're doing the right thing. Anger leads to hatred and it can eat you alive. Google to see if there are any support groups in your area. It may help to hear from other people who have also lost a loved one due to a drunk driver.

Answer 5

An accident is an accident regardless of the circumstances. If she had been hit by lightning would you be racked w. guilt because you couldn't forgive the sky or a God? You are not responsible for forgiving her; it is dogma that is making you feel worse than necessary about an event that was bad enough in itself.

Answer 6

I am so sorry about your friend, although I believe she is in a better place now, and is joyous there.

I am going to suggest a couple of books, one to help you through your sorrow, Home with God, by Neale Donald Walsch, and one to teach you the power of forgiveness, by Immaculee Ilibagiza, one of the few Tutsi survivors of the Rwandan holocaust in 1994. If this woman can learn how to forgive, then anyone can.

Sending you love, light and blessings.

Answer 7

I don't think I can imagine how you are feeling, but I would not forgive that person, at least not for a while. Don't do anything to her, don't kill her or something, just let the law judge her, and wait until she comes out of prison. Till then, you have plenty of time to think if you want to forgive her, or not!

Answer 8

It's terrible to hear that. I can understand your anger and the need to blame someone for your loss... Sorry.

I do hope that with prayer and fortitude you will be able to find it in you to forgive that person someday. Otherwise you will never find closure and inner Peace within you no matter what you do...

But worst of all, your own sins and transgressions will not be forgiven by God either.

Peace be with you!

Answer 9

Don't forgive and forget, but try to see the positives. This person is in a very good place right know.

Answer 10

Actually, in my opinion, forgiveness is best done for yourself, not for the other person. Forgiving them allows you to let go of the pain and resentment.

Don't mistake forgiveness for absolution. This person needs to face the consequences of her criminal behavior. Not as retribution, but it is only through consequences can we truely see the magnitude of our actions.