I have 3 kids and they fight all the time how do i help them get along better ?

Question

The Kids are 15 She's a girl the other 2 are boys 13 And 11

Answer 1

Hire an actor to "break in" as an unarmed robber, tie everyone to chairs, tape their mouths..."take valuables" and leave.
Then, the kids would need to cooperate in order to free themselves. It would provide an opportunity for them to appreciate one another as never before!

I KNOW this will work.... but you would be in danger of being accused of abuse ---not to mention the trauma.
ohhh ...Forget it!
BAD idea!

Answer 2

I grew up in a big family, with up to 11 (siblings and cousins) children under the roof. If there were any fights then ALL the children were punished, even those who weren't even THERE at the time. The adults took absolutely no interest in what the fight was about or how it started, they simply announced that this would be a "chore" weekend, not a "play" weekend.

In this way, I learned that I'd better not be involved in starting any sort of ruckus or the other kids in the family would make my life not worth living.

Answer 3

I don't have kids, but I have a niece and nephews who fight too. Try to get them to engage in activities together where they'd be having fun and not fighting. Also maybe separating them for some times is a good idea, like the boys can be doing something or playing together while the girl is watching TV. They're at the age where I used to cry/fight constantly with my sister, so it's sort of normal.

What my brother did is he made us have family sessions where everyone says something positive or something they like about the other person. You can't point out negative things, only positive.. that brings out the good feelings, it worked for us.

Answer 4

When mine were that age, I told them that friends will come and go throughout their lives, but they'll always have their brother/sister when no one else was around. I just explained that in the future, the person they're fighting with or claiming they hate, is going to be the first person to run to help them in time of need. I said those things quite often and over about a years time I saw them change. Now they're all grown (some are married) and their siblings are the first ones they call. I guess they listened to me on that one issue at least. Just talk to them about the importance of their relationship, maybe you'll see a change too.

Answer 5

I'd like to know this also.... I have an 11 yr old girl and 5 yr old and 7 yr old boys and they fight all the time too!!! I havent quite figured out how to stop it all together. I just give them stuff to do away from each other. It gets bad around here in the summer since theyre used to being away from each other for most of the day while in school. Good luck! Let me know if you find out anything that works!!

Answer 6

Give them breathing room -- let them settle their differences themselves. Stay close in case you need to intervene if it gets physical.

The worse thing you can do is to interfere. They'll settle it by themselves and will be better off for it. Sibling rivalry and arguments are a normal part of growing up.

Our mom would intervene each time my sister and I got into an argument. My sis is 5 years older than I. Working together, punishment/reward systems never worked with us. We never really settled our differences. Once or twice, when our parents weren't home, we got so angry that it came to blows. I nearly cold-****** my older sister, she fell against the wall and hit the thermostat, knocking it off the wall. Sis walked somewhat gingerly after that and I reassembled the thermostat. She threatened to tell Mom, but neither of us ever said a word.

More recently, we didn't speak for almost 12 years. We agreed to meet one summer a few years ago in a city about half way between her place and mine - about 9 hour drive for me. We spent 4 days and 3 nights sharing the same motel room, playing tourist and discovering a lot about our growing years, feelings, view points, etc.

We will never be real close like sisters should but she has been very supportive when I had to have mom put in a nursing home, the guilt resulting from that and during my medical recovery.

My sis decided that she would not raise her children like that. She let them work out their problems themselves (8 years difference in their ages). Now, my nephew is 33 and niece is 25. They are very close!

Answer 7

Take away things they like. If they have video games, then take them away when they fight. If the girl likes to talk to her friends on the phone, then take away the phone rights for her.

When I was young, my mom use to "say" I could not do things when I was bad, but I know that she would not really mean it. So I would do it anyways. One day I yelled at her and she told me if I didn't (do something, I forgot what it was) I could not go (some place I really wanted to go) and I know she was lying so I didn't do as she said. Well she did not let me go, it was the first time she did that and from that day on I would think twice before I did something. (but over all I was a good kid)

Maybe you can find some more help on 3 sits I got...
http://www.clubmom.com/
http://www.fox.com/nanny911/
http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/

Answer 8

Separate them. They may like the separation at first but then they will miss each other. Why??? I don't know, I guess some kind of physiological thing. Trust me, when I was 16, I had a 18 year old sister and a 6 year old sister, big jump I know. but we always fought over various things. Then my older sister moved out and I moved out and after about 2 weeks we missed each other. Now that I'm 20, me and my sisters are inseparable. Hey it's summer break, send your children in different places, perhaps different relatives houses for a couple of weeks, just to try it out.

Answer 9

The best way to handle it is to let them work through things on their own. When you get involved you can't help but take sides, or be seen as taking sides. If they are getting physical then tell them that's not how to handle things and discipline them by removing privileges.
Depending on the origin of the problems, the boys are getting into their sister's stuff, then have family rules and boundaries and appropriate discipline for when those are violated. If you have rules set up and everyone knows them, then when there are problems the consequences are enforced, and you're not seen to be taking sides.

Answer 10

try some counseling...sharing what you are feeling when they fight might help. When my boys fight we talk about how it affects the entire family and about how they could have handled the situation better. I recently put them in counseling for an unrelated issue but they are getting along better since then. Good Luck!!

You might want to try a parents group or a close friend to talk to and share your frustrations just for your own mental well being. :)

one other thing...badspeller is a moron. You obviously love your kids and are looking for ways to help them. Don't listen to negativity, you don't need it :)

Answer 11

If you have a husband, he should help out. If you're doing this alone, I feel for you. There is alot of energy there with the teens, and soon to be teen. If you can somehow communicate to each child that they are special, and play a special role in the family, that might help out. There is less confusion when there are clear and defined guidelines to live by. Good luck!