Its been 4 years since I talked to my older brother. Him and I at once use to be really close, I was in business with his soon to wife when they met (i introduced them to each other). To make a long story short a very bad business deal went down between my partner and I and my over bearing know it all brother. In the last 4 years I have made attempts to reconcile on a amicable ground for our parents benefit (as this breaks their heart), but to know avail. Now he is getting married and his g/f my ex partner has called after 4 years of not speaking out of the blue to ask me to stand for her (wtf?) my reply was i don't think so, but how about you start with an invite and we will take it from there. Invitations went out and my 2 sons recieved one and not me, my parents are very upset, and when my mom called me upset, asking me to "try again" as my dad says if i don't go he doesn't go. there is so much more to this story. I am looking for others to share their stories or comment on mine
most add that I wrote my brother a long e-mail about what I would like from us in the future and to ask if he wanted to try being civil to eaach other, i made it quite clear, and no answer, also at christmeas dinner he was there as for how unconfotable i was, i stayed walked up to my brother extended my hand and said merry christmas, no action. Also, this bad business deal was alot of my brothers doing (some major back stabbing went on)
2006-06-12 09:51:53 · 16 answers · asked by maxine553 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
there is nothing more important in life than your family, in the end its all we have. sounds like your brother is selfish and very celf-centered. he feels he did nothing wrong thats obvious from the way hes been acting. you have tried on numerous occasions and i bet it felt oh so bad when each time you let your pride down for the sake of making peace and he rejected you even when you have done nothing wrong, stop trying, let him come to you next time. wait until he is ready cause it sounds like your brother is stubborn and does things his way or not at all. i know you would like this situation to be laid to rest so that you can spend time with him but ;you need to take a step back from him he will eventually realize your done begging for forgiveness for something you did not even do. the questio;n is do you forgive him. that anger will eat you alive.
2006-06-12 10:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by guerisky 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You can't do the story short, and i'm sure there are lots of facts around that we are not going to know in this little space for the question; so, nobody can really give you an accurate advice, but..
What i believe is that, as long as it's in your hands, you do whatever it takes to be in good terms with the family. Mostly when you have a lot of other family around that will be in the middle.
You never know when you will be in the need to speak to your brother, for some important problem about your parents, or your sons, or his family. So, it's better to try it all the time.
Unless they hurt you in a physical way, or maybe if the person have really made you an intellectual injury; any other situation can be solved.
Think that you migth have done some rude attitudes that you haven't even noticed, maybe they have a diferent point of view of the problem, maybe they haven't really let it down.
But what can be good, is to try, to sit with them, and maybe with someone just and impartial between the two (or three) of you, and you can both say, whateve that happened before, lets forget, shake hands, and try it again.
Remember that those are the family of your sons, and they migth be helpfull to them someday.
2006-06-12 10:03:44 · answer #2 · answered by Popocatepetl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I'm not sure if you really want to open comunication with your brother, or if it is the pain your parents have that makes you desire this.
You make it sound like you still have some unresolved issues brewing. ("this bad business deal was alot of my brothers doing (some major back stabbing went on)") You'll have to deal with your own feelings first and move past them if you want to start opening communications between you and your brother.
Now, when you're ready and you've decided that it is you that really wants to reconcile, you shouldn't make any requests or demands on him, (ie. "how about you start with an invite and we will take it from there" and "I wrote my brother a long e-mail about what I would like from us in the future"). You've got to level the ground and not make him feel threatened that way. You'll need to demonstrate unconditional love for your brother if you ever want to be able to bridge that gap....and just keep at it. It may take days, months, or years for him not to feel that way.
Best of Luck!
2006-06-12 10:01:58 · answer #3 · answered by victorygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As Jennifer said: Bite the bullet and appologize.
Show him that you can be the "better" person, tell him that you are sorry for what happened. Sometimes the people that are really in the wrong have things so messed up in their head that they really truelly believe that it isnt their fault. If you want to try to get things worked out this would be the 1st big step that you would need to take.
Also try to ask him what he feels went wrong and allow him to give suggestions on how you can make things better not only for yourself but for your whole family.
I wish you luck!
2006-06-12 10:00:52 · answer #4 · answered by sassy_girl54153 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
F! it. You tried. Now, you tell any of your family members that are even considering going to the wedding, that it is "Them" or "You".... Cut them off from your life totally if they go to the wedding. Afterall, you said it.. your brother is a lying backstabber anyway.. and his Fiancee, she has a major mental problem.. (coming to you out of the blue and asking you to stand up for them???)...
RSVP back for your kids with a NO (not a no thank you).
Blood is thicker than water.... but, so is motor oil....
2006-06-12 10:14:03 · answer #5 · answered by Badspe11er 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have more than done your share to reconcile. I think you now just need to let him make his move no matter how long it takes..do what you need to do with your famiily and just be civil to your brother.
2006-06-12 09:55:57 · answer #6 · answered by Georgia Girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, that's really too bad, I don't have any advice for you that would help, because my brothers and I are still quite close. However, I hope that you and your brother can resolve things, and if they don't then atleast you can say that you tried. Best of luck.
2006-06-12 09:56:20 · answer #7 · answered by RosiePosy89 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, there is no question here, you just feel terrible and i am so sorry for you, you seemed to have tried to mend fences but your brother is just too bull-headed(sorry) to mend them. the only thing i can see that you can do is just be civil to him when you are in same room etc. and hope he will let by goners be by goners.hope it happens soon for you cause it appears to be eating you up, good luck and God Bless You.
2006-06-12 10:07:32 · answer #8 · answered by snookieoo3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i haven't spoken to my older sibling in over 15 years. it all happened because he was mad at his girlfriend so he beat the living s**t out of me, threw me out of his truck, and dumped all of my stuff in the street (i was moving to a new place and my stuff was in the back of his truck). he sprained my elbow, broke my nose and smashed the window in the place i was moving in to. he spent the night in jail and i gave him gas money to go back home to the state he lived in. he called me once after that, to wish me a happy birthday, two months late. i told him he was dead to me because when you're 11 or 12, beating up your sister can be sibling rivalry, when you're 21 and 23, that's assault. i don't regret cutting his worthless psychotic a** out of my life for even a second. i'm glad i did it and should have done it sooner.
2006-06-12 10:02:56 · answer #9 · answered by sparkydog_1372 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your brother... and it is his wedding... nothing can replace him ... call him and say how much you love him, and let him know that you will be at the wedding...
did you really forget all those good days when you were kids???? all those fights and plays???? if he forgets remind him....
Have fun in the wedding
2006-06-12 09:58:33 · answer #10 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋