Ok here is the Deal, I am helping a friend direct her wedding. She had all the plans and finances to pay for her small, then her finance' had a major heart attack. A lot of the families finances are limited now that he is not working. She is coming up just a little short.
As the director of the wedding I would like to ask the wedding party for as Little Monetary Assistance ($10-$30) to help finish the wedding. The wedding is in 2 weeks. Most are family and knows the sisuation. Would it be out of order. If not what would be a good way to word this in a letter form?
2006-06-12 09:50:43 · 9 answers · asked by smcneil40 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I am not asking the Wedding Guest, Just the bridesmaids, and groomsmens for a donation and other family members. Changing the date is not an option
2006-06-12 09:58:19 · update #1
Keep in mind that the Couple has not asked me to do this. I am a very close friend and I am going to give a donation, I was just thinking others would do the same. We are all very close and I would like for her day not to be runied because of things she cannot change. They have scaled back so much. I would just be asking if someone wanted not...they will not be obligated!!
2006-06-12 10:06:06 · update #2
As long as the bride and groom are not asking and you are not asking guests, that would be a nice thing to do. Like you said, most of the people are family and would probably want to see them have a very special day. Traditional wedding etiquette would scream NO, but this is a different situation and as long as it is done in a tactful way and possibly without the bride or groom's knowledge, I think it would be acceptable. Maybe just write everyone and say, "Because of medical issues, some of the original plans for the wedding have been left out or altered to accommodate a smaller budget. Let's try and make some of their dreams come true on this special day, if you would be willing to make a wedding fund donation, provide a service, or contribute some materials for the wedding, please see me as soon as possible. Let's keep this a surprise for the bride and groom, thanks." Or something like that, if you provide some options, they won't feel obligated to just give money and will probably be more likely to chip in.
2006-06-12 18:30:36 · answer #1 · answered by disneychick 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
^Get real. If they can't afford the wedding, how are they going to afford the marriage?
Asking the guests or members of the wedding party is beyond tacky. If the family and guests give a darn, they'll donate on their own. If not, who are you to try to lay a guilt trip on them. Might make more sense to delay the wedding until the finances are in order. The delay may prevent the inevitable and much more costly divorce later.
If they insist on going forward with the wedding, they should retool it to fit their budget. What right do they have to expect others who have their own finacial problems to pay their freight? If you feel it's a valid request, why don't you pick up the slack yourself? Were such a request made of me, I'd bail out of the wedding and save the gift I otherwise would have given for someone more appreciate and deserving.
2006-06-12 17:00:44 · answer #2 · answered by Oscar Himpflewitz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It's incredibly rude. Of course it also depends on if you have been the "bridzilla"
If not I wouldn't do it in a letter. You should definitly be more personal about it. Bring it up in the course of conversation. If they offer great. If not let it go.
So many people for get the point of a wedding. It's not important that it's the most beautiful, or that the dinner served is the best or even if you have a cake. The important part of a wedding is, did you choose the right mate for life? if so great. Celebrate that you found the one with what you have. One of the reasons most people divorce is for financial reasons. Do you really want to start your future off in debt and a burden on your marriage? I say ditch the extras and be happy that you found someone so special that you will spend the rest of your life with him (hopefully) If anyone complains because the wedding is "incomplete" then they probably shouldnt be invited to the wedding. If your friends and family understand the situation then they will understand that it is "incomplete" and have more respect for you than if you burden them by asking for help.
I will tell you a story that I tell all my friends when they got married to help put it in perspective.
My grandmother grew up on a farm. My Great-Grandfather was a moonshiner and was in prison when my grandmother and grandfather decided to get married. All she had was one blue dress that she wore to church every Sunday. My grandfather was a farmer's son working in Houston to make some money so he could start a family. One saturday afternoon after he determined he had saved enough he drove back to my home town and told my grandmother. The next day he, my grandmother, her sister and his brother stood in the living room of her minister and got married. They drove down to Houston. No honeymoon b/c he had to go back to work the next day. Together they worked and saved. They came back to my home town and built a successful business together and became pillars in the community.
So you tell me what's more important the wedding, or who you pick? Having a beautiful wedding means absolutely nothing if in 5, 10, 20 years from now you have nothing to show for it. I suggest you go home kiss your finace and tell him that you love him. Tell him what is missing, if he is okay with and you are okay with it dont worry about what everyone will think. It's your love for one another that you are celebrating and any one that has a problem with it can take a flying leap of a mountain for all you care.
2006-06-12 17:16:24 · answer #3 · answered by RockStarinTx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Period. No. Especially not in a letter, begging for money. If the couple can't afford their wedding, they should amend it to something more affordable or postpone it, if they can.
As a gift, the members of the party can choose to pay for part of certain vendors, all on their own. But, the expense of the wedding is not their problems and should not be brought up unless they offer.
2006-06-12 20:32:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no...it is not the responsibility of the wedding party to finance the wedding....especially to be asked to finance it....If you can afford to do it by all means do but dont ask others ..it is so tacky...it would be better to send out a note to the guests and tell them the couples situation has changed and the wedding has to be scaled down and invited them to your backyard for cake and coffee after the wedding..
2006-06-12 17:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by silvasilva2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. They are guests. She will have to scale down the wedding, reschedule it for a date in which finances might be available or find another way to pay for it. You don't charge admission to a wedding.
2006-06-12 16:55:15 · answer #6 · answered by momnsouth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering the circumstances, I think it would be a nice gesture. But no one should be made to feel obliged to contribute.
And I would definitely be careful how you phrase your request. I'm going to assume you're all good friends or acquaintances.... as such, I think I would approach the matter with a "what do you guys think about us all pitching in a little bit of money to help out....".
I think if done in this manner, no one will take offense and will gladly contribute, if they can.
2006-06-12 17:02:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Typically I would say NO WAY but if they are her good friends and they truly love them then they will be more than happy to help out.
2006-06-12 17:00:47 · answer #8 · answered by jackass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he is not working, I suggest they don't get married yet.
2006-06-13 12:15:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋