What punishment - if any - should I give my daughter?

Question

My girl turned 12 and is now a B cup. I decided she had to wear a bra. She did'n't like the idea but I was firm - I agree Im a somewhat protective mom. Despite her complaints, I said she would really wear one because she needed one, it was for her best and since she refused and I loved her so much, I had no choice other than to force her. And so I did, though with all my love. Since she needs support and is a bit immature on this point, I chose her bras myself and got her bras that give full coverage. She didnt like them, said she wouldn't wear but, again, I used my motherly authority. She got a bit mad at me, but she's a good girl and ended up obeying. But I got to know she took off her bra when she left home and put it on again before coming back - a childisdid but wrong thing. She ended up telling the truth ith, apologized and said it was cause she doesnt like those bras. I'm not sure if I should punish her, maybe a light lesson just to make her think a bit. She cant disobey

Answer 1

I'll start by telling you I'm not a mother.
But...
my own mother got sick when I was 13 and died when I was 17.
As far as this battle and punishment goes, let me ask you:
Can you let it go?
Can you realize that this is not about you?
It's about your daughter feeling awkward and shy. We all went through it.
The fact that she confessed that she was lying should be proof that she's a good kid.
Let this one slide. She'll start wearing a bra as soon as her friends do and everyone thinks it's the cool thing to do.

In the meantime, love each other.
Time passes too quickly.

Answer 2

I think you're being a bit controlling. Personally (and pretty much all my female classmates felt the same way too), I couldn't wait to start wearing bras when I was that age (but I had the opposite problem; I had absolutely nothing in the way of boobs!), but soon after I understood why they can be frustrating. Tell her why you want her to wear a bra; don't just force her. If she's embarrassed by the idea of wearing a bra, tell her that she'll be even more embarrassed when she's getting teased because people can see her nipples through her shirt. If she just doesn't like the bras you got her, then take her with you when you go bra-shopping. Take her to someplace nice, like Victoria's Secret, and get her at least one "fun" bra. Get a sales person to show her around, and talk to her about what kind of bras are available, and which tend to be the most comfortable. Find ones that are flattering for her shape, and will be more discreet under a shirt. Tell her to try several on so that she can find ones that she likes. And if there's a pretty, colorful one that she likes, you could get that for her, too. Make it fun; wearing a bra doesn't have to be a chore.

And as for you fire-and-brimstone punishment people: Jesus, the asker already said the girl apologized for disobeying her. Be a little more considerate. However, if you do feel that you must punish: tell her that you understand why she did it, but if she does it again, she'll be grounded.

Answer 3

She shouldn't disobey, so she needs a mild punishment for that, like no dessert after dinner or something, but you're being too controling. They make camisoles with built-in bras in lots of cool designs and colors that she can layer or wear alone under her other clothes. If she really needs a bra, let her pick out a bunch to try on and then let her pick out the most comfortable. There are few things more uncomfortable than a scratchy or ill-fitting bra. At 12, she needs to learn to make some of her own decisions and live with the consequences, or she'll never be able to make good decisions when she's an adult.

Answer 4

You've raised a daughter to the age of 12 and don't know how to handle blatant disrespect, disobedience, and lying? I believe your daughter will not respect your decisions if you have no confidence in them either. All the context seems irrelevant to me; you, the parent, gave her, the child, a direct order and she lied & disobeyed. I think more than "light lesson" is in order. I do agree w/ everybody about letting her choose the bra. That's only fair. You should certainly explain to her WHY you think she should wear a bra. Put her on restriction. And tell her that until she's the magic 18 and living on her own - she'll abide by your rules. Period. It's not about the bra - its a matter of respect.

Also, check into organic foods. Especially milk. If you think your daughter is developing rather quickly, her diet may be to blame.

Answer 5

How's about a little compromise? Either, A: let her have some say about the kind of bra she wears or B: get her a sports bra. I think she knows she's wrong for lying but how would you feel? it's not like this was a major, life altering lie. You yourself said she's a good kid - just talk to her and let it be - I don't really think it warrents a punishment!

Answer 6

at this point I would say no punishment. I think maybe you should talk to her openly about why she needs to wear one, tell her that you and all other role models in her life wear them and actually they can be a cool thing. Then maybe you guys could go shopping and let her pick out a few so she feels like she gets to be a part of it, then take her to lunch and make a day out of it, like more of a friend day then a mother day. give it a few days for her to be used to and she'll prob. be bragging to all her friends that she wears a bra, she could just be defiant about it at this point if she is developing young and doesnt want to accept it. Its embarrassing when you get boobs before all the other girls, i know I was a "D" cup by freshman year! good luck

Answer 7

I agree, she should wear a bra if she is a B cup at 12. But maybe she should be allowed to pick out her own, you want it to be comfortable. Maybe take her to a store where they measure and properly fit. This shouldn't be a punishment, she needs to know it is a part of becoming an adult. When she starts changing for PE girls may tease her and that may be the thing to change her mind.

Answer 8

Your a mother, and you want whats best for your daughter, if she doesnt like the bra then she wont wear it, and at that age it is all about being cool with friends. Let her pick out her bras, full coverage granny bras like a lot of parents wear are uncomfortable at young ages because of the wide straps that look hidious under strappy shirts, and the full coverage may not make her feel too good about herself, like she has to be ashamed and hide her boobs, maybe she is proud of her body

Answer 9

i'm a firm believer of punishment, first of all your the mom and not the daughter and you know what s best for her if her breast need a bra then that's what it is and if she cant understand take her to the local police office and ask them to show your daughter the weekly child missing and molesting reports and then point out to her things like this happens to girls with bras so imagine without 2nd let her know that she's a young girl and needs to learn how to be appropriate in dress and manner she will grow to love and respect herself & you as she grows and learns that wearing a bra is the right thing to do.

Answer 10

don't punish her. i was the same way. ive always hade big boobs and i felt embarresed being the only girl in my class wearing a bra. later i found out some of my friends were wearing bras. at her age - if she has to wear a bra - she doens't want to wear full coverage grandma bras. let her have some with it. let her get different colors, designs. that way she'll be excited to get and wear them. thats how i was. and as soon as my mom let me pick out my own bra and get ones that were comfortable to me and that i liked, i started wearing them.

don't punish her. just explain to her why you want her to wear them and tell her not to disobey you again. don't embarres her more though.