My fiance's sister in law is having a baby soon. Everyone is excited but my fiance and I. You see the Brother and wife cant even afford their own apt/house . They had to move in with the mother before the wife was ever preg. But still tried to get preg. She doensnt even have friends/family to throw her a shower. So now myself and one other friend was "volunteered" to throw the shower. Sooo recently in conversation I mentioned that I would get the baby some Gear with my our (fiance & I) college alma mater logo's on it. The brother nor the wife even finished college. We were informed to "Keep the gear at our house for when the baby comes to visit b/c the brother & wife are going need a vaction anyway" To tell me you dont want my gift after all I have done? am a very busy professional and do not have time for an infant. I could baby sit when the kid is more like 5 and able to communicate. But to assume that I am going to help with the kid is rude too. I will but to assume it?
2006-06-12 07:46:02 · 8 answers · asked by RockStarinTx 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I disagree with one of your responders. I personally think you are writing this to vent...more or less. And I hate to bring reality into this light, but most people don't do things out of the 'goodness of their own hearts' most people do stuff for various reasons..self gratification, tax reasons, in order to receive scholarships......
Okay, now that that's off my chest. I understand your frustration. And yes you have done quite a bit all you want is some gratitude. I expect the brother and wife are so used to handouts that they just assume everyone is willing. They look like the type everyone would feel empathy for so everyone breaks their back to help them. They are happy with scraping the bottle of the barrel you know.
And I don't care what anyone says, when you buy a present for someone (I don't care what the occasion) you expect a bit of gratitude from the recipient. If that were not the case thank you cards wouldn't exist.
2006-06-12 08:28:50 · answer #1 · answered by shakia27 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Perhaps it was rude to assume you'd be helping out, and perhaps it's irresponsible to have a child if you don't have secure living arrangements.
However, I'm not sure what the brother/wife not having gone to college has to do with anything, nor can I figure out why you think they'd want gifts with YOUR college logo on it for their child. I mean yes, by all means, you should say thank you when receiving a gift, but putting some more thought into the gift would be thoughtful, too.
I might be going out on a limb here, but you mentioned planning the shower and getting the baby some "college logo" gear. That's great. It's also thoughtful..sort of. However, any statement that ends with "after all I have done?" usually grates my nerves. If you want thoughtfulness and consideration in return, then use it yourself first. Don't expect pats on the back for things like gifts for special occasions or throwing a shower for a friend or family member...you're supposed to do it because you WANT to, not because you want to be able to say things like..."after ALL I've done!".
My two cents...and again, I could be WAY off base, but that's how it reads.
2006-06-12 14:55:34 · answer #2 · answered by circe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, total word jumble there lol- you sure you are a professional? I went to an Ivy League school but I don't parade around in my college "gear". What's the big deal with college gear, anyway? Unless you're from a top tier school, it ain't worth a damn. Today a college degree is equivalent to a high school degree thirty years ago. I've encountered college graduates who sound more ignorant and uneducated than high school graduates.
It's rude for people to be freeloaders no matter what their relationship to you is, but you shouldn't be over-sensitive about what you've "done" for them. If you're really doing something because you want to be a nice person, then don't expect something back. This isn't about quid pro quos. The rule is always that the person who gives always thinks she gives a lot, and the person who receives thinks they receive very little.
I can already see the in-law cat fights. meow!!
2006-06-12 16:15:49 · answer #3 · answered by bloggerdude2005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been rude to them, such as patronizing them about their situation?
Perhaps the rudeness is returned in kind?
If someone patronizes me, I start to assume that this is what they consider to be proper manners, so then I talk to them as they talk to me.
For some reason, many rude people act confused and betrayed when they get a taste of their own medicine... Funny, isn't it?
Still, they are kind of stupid for actually WORKING to make a kid in that situation. Well, "stupid is as stupid does..." If they were stupid about making a baby, why not be stupid about accepting presents? Seems to be consistent with the character decisions they have made.
College gear on a kid whose parents never went to college IS a faux pas though AND kind of tacky. So my initial accusation stands. You insulted them and they returned the favor.
2006-06-12 17:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by Cheshire Cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is rude and you and your fiance need to set some ground rules FAST. Throw the shower, give her the gift and that's that. Tell them that you are very busy and that when it is convenient for YOU, you'll let them know when you can babysit. Do not let them walk all over you.
2006-06-12 19:50:03 · answer #5 · answered by Autumn BrighTree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a big mess to me and I would stay well away. To refuse a gift is rude, but it sounds like they don't have a lot of skills, hopefully they will do some maturing before the baby comes!
2006-06-12 14:52:14 · answer #6 · answered by keri gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah
2006-06-12 14:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by woahh jazmyn! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. But your grammar is.
2006-06-12 15:41:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋