I cant help but feeling like my marriage is over & we have a 1 yr old?

Question

how can I possibly take him from his dad because he is great father and how will I ever make it financially being a single parent?

I think it is over for various reasons, lack of communication after many attempts, lack of happiness between either of us, anger, resentment from things is the past, issues on finances, hobbies, priorities i could go on and on.. we have been to family therapy, marriage counseling, and I have been thru extensive therapy myself for depression and life changes. I dont know what else we can do and I dont want my son to be another statistic child with divorced parents but I dont want him to grow up in a house where he knows his parents dont like each other.

and for badgirl42dd YES I WOULD TAKE HIM, he is my child also and how dare you sit there and judge someone as if you know my life and my fears... dont answer people if you're going to be a jerk with peoples feelings and life issues

Answer 1

First thing you need to do, I believe, is look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself "DO I STILL LOVE THIS MAN, AM I INLOVE WITH HIM, DOES HE MAKE ME HAPPY, DOES HE MAKE ME FEEL LOVED?, Maybe the problem is not about YOU, but the fact that HE is not giving you what you are looking for and want and need... Just maybe . . . Once you have sincerely answer this question, then, you go and talk to him, with no interruptions, and make sure that you telll him and ask him things straight forward: DO YOU SEE US STAYING TOGETHER? DO YOU LOVE ME? ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ME? DO YOU WANT TO STAY TOGETHER OR DO YOU WANT TO END IT? See what his ideas are about the marriage and maybe he feels that the marriage is over, and if that is to be the case, then, unfortunately, you will both have to make arrangements to start a new life... Now, do not feel that your child will be a statistic, at times it is healthier for a child to have parents separated, but that are actively in their life, then to have two parents living under the same household, with no love and them seeing that things are simply not right. So do not stress yourself about that, because in the end it will be best for you and your child. As to how will you survive financially, well, he of course, should provide child support of the baby, and you well, if you are not employed, then start looking for a job, or go to school and get yourself prepared to improve your career. There are many government help for single mothers, such as help for daycare if you are working and need babysitting.. If you reside in New York, I could tell you a couple of programs that may help you and your child. Things will be OK, just be honest about your feelings, you and your husband. ... good luck...

Answer 2

dear Amber

first of all i appreciate the fact that you're asking for advice on such a difficult issue . a broken marriage is an unfortunate circumstance , however , it is not the end of the world.

if you feel like your marriage is over you need to sit and talk this out with your husband. i dont know if you've done that already or not since you've not specified , but if you haven't please do .you need to know and understand his point of view on the situation as well. sometimes when two people speak to each other in complete confidence and trust , even though things might not have been smooth, there is a possibility or hope of reconciliation .

communication is the key word in all relationships.

have u tried analysing why your marriage is over as u say it is ?

since you do have a 1 year old son , i would suggest , that you would need to look at all possible alternatives to make this marriage work before giving it a toss completely . a divorce or separation is painful no doubt and it does affect a small child esp since you say your husband is a good father and i presume your son is attatched to him. this would be difficult for all of you , your son , your husband and yourself . if you do go in for a legal separation then you cannot entirely withdraw your son from meeting his father . your husband would have rights too since he's the father . for this you would need legal advice from an attorney .

you've also mentioned that you would need to financially support yourself and son if you do go ahead with a divorce.
if you've come to that decision , then , please look out for jobs in the market . get a job first , get accustomed to the working environment and then only go in for a legal separation . this would ensure that you are secure in a financial way and not stranded off on the streets with a small child.

please do take into confidence someone you trust who can help you cope up with this emotionally and financially .

i do hope the very best works out for you , Amber and i hope that the many suggestions you'd get over time should help you make your decision . take care

Answer 3

I'd say if you have a close family or network of friends lean of them and I'm sure if your parents are still around no matter their age or your they will take you and your child in. You can also stop worrying about financial stuff because chances are the court will make him pay child support and alimony, If you can be civil about the divorce you wont have a problem with your "ex" still wanting to be and see your child. Being a single parent is hard and you'll probably make sacrifices but you'll do it and do it the best you can because your little guy will be there loving you every minute of your new difficult journey......Sorry your marriage may be over but you can make it Good Luck ...... P.S. if it does get nasty be sure to get the best attorney you can afford and don't get intimidated

Answer 4

The grass is not always greener. Do you acknowledge your role in the marriage, you FEEL is over?

Certainly having a one year old is an adjustment to any life, let alone a married life.

Unless the reasons for feeling it's OVER are unreconcilable, I would take a long hard look at what's in YOUR control to make this a better life for all.

Aside from all the reasons you might have, who's to say that you'd be able to "TAKE HIM", perhaps the great father would be the better parent. Ever consider that avenue?

Answer 5

Your details are sketchy. If you truly feel like your marriage is over and you have done everything to try and save it (counseling) and you feel your only option is to leave then...
Your husband can still see your child. In fact, the law states that he has rights to see his child. As far as finances, you will receive child support to help with the costs of raising a child but the rest will be up to you to figure out. Think long and hard...but, ultimately, you can't stay in an irreparable marriage for the sake of your child. It will not be best for him in the long run. Good luck!

Answer 6

Since I don't know all of the details of the situation, it'd be impossible for me to answer this effectively. But I think maybe you could look into marriage counseling. Here (http://marriage.eharmony.com/marriage/?cid=25&aid=1054&GCID=S14727x011-marrdesc8&KEYWORD=marriage%20counseling&MATCHTYPE=search) is a website with a program that could help your marriage. There are lots of others too, just google "marriage counseling." I'm sure that your local churches offer similar services as well. I am strongly against divorce. That is why I think you should at least make an attempt to fix the problem.

I hope that what I said is helpful to you.

Answer 7

Divorce is not pretty and it is not easy but if it is to be most usually it beats the alternative of staying together hands down--when it's over you know it--in your heart you know it----And, when it comes to the kid--there is shared custody----and hopefullly in your state you have a good child support system which will ease the financial burdens considerably--that is if this dad is a good dad and steps up to do the right thing by the two of you in keeping something headed your way financially--if that is your decision--you can make it just fine ---tens of thousands of single moms do---every day---------Good Luck to you and the youngun

Answer 8

It has been done and it can be done. If you feel that its not a healthy relationship, do what you need to do by leaving. Lean on friends and family for support. Most of all, be strong yourself. Its great that your son's father is a good dad. Let him be as involved as he is willing to be. But make yourself happy.

I left my daughters father. Although, he is a horrible dad, the single parent thing is not so bad. Just take a deep breath and do things one day at a time...

My heart goes out to you

Answer 9

I think that you need to have a long talk with your husband about these things and find out what he feels. It is not to late to save your relationship and you probably will benefit greatly from couples counseling.

You need time together away from your child and you need to devote some time to making yoru marraige work, a marrage isn't something that you can take for granted, and it takes two people to work at it.

Get professional counseling and save your marriage!

Answer 10

Just because you divorce your husband, doesn't necessarily mean that you're taking his child away.

Hopefully, you love your son enough to ensure that he has good relationships with both of his parents, regardless of where they live.

Also, I would hope that your husband loves his son enough to ensure that the two of you can have a reasonably comfortable life.