this is an etiquette question.....please help....?

Question

so for my nephew's 3rd birthday i wanted to get him something special, so i decided to get him one of those ABC's play mats that are made out of foam and connect together cuz he is always playing on the floor, & gets in trouble for getting his clothes dirty i even asked his mother if it would be an ok gift for him, she said yes that sounds great. well we all live together. when the little boy saw the gift he loved it and thought it was the best thing in the world, and played with it sevral times. now i over heard the parents complaining that they dont want to clean it up and this that & the other about the gift, but the little boy loved it. now almost 2 weeks ago i saw that it is no longer in the place where the toys are kept, & i havent noticed him playing with it mind you he would when he saw it. i am very offended that it is now missing. cmon i live with them so its not like im not going to notice that something i paid $50 for is missing. i am verymad what should i do about this??

i am not trying to control what one does with a gift, but this was already discussed and everyone thought it was i great gift, and there is no way to return it, it was purchased on-line, so they are the ones to have removed it from his playing options

and i dotn think i am being petty about this, i feel i have every right to be upset

no she is my mans sister, not mine

Answer 1

It's not wrong that they don't like the gift, it is wrong though that they told you it would be a great gift and now they are complaining about it. If they weren't sure about the gift, they should have said something before you went out and bought it.

Answer 2

I like Manva's answer. NVgirl doesnt exactly need to preach about etiquette on this site. Disreguard her BLUNT AND MISCONSTRUED comment. You have a few options: 1) you can tell them u didnt appreciate the gift being hidden away, as you did pay for the approved gift. 2) Play with the boy as he plays with the toy, clean up when hes done. 3) encourage the boy to clean up as he finishes with his toys, this way the cleanup will not be a problem. I am assuming since you all live together, that you all contribute to house clean-up, so maybe work that in. If you see that they havent returned the toy in a few days, tell them "Im so upset. I saw "Jonnie" playing with his matt just the other day... You guys didnt move it or anything did you?" something like that, this way, you arent suggesting they took it away, and you wont make them feel bad, they know you feel bad, so if you question the whereabouts, they will likely return it and make up an excuse. :) i hope i have helped, you arent petty at all. When you give a gift, the point is to see it bring someone joy and see it utilized...

Answer 3

It's a gift and once given, it cannot be taken back. You can't control what someone does with a gift. You need to let go of your anger because you are being petty.
If someone gave you a gift and you didn't like it, would you return it? It's your choice just like it's theirs and they must have a good reason for putting the mat away.
I think that this is a lesson to not spend so much money on a gift in the future.

Answer 4

I think you need to talk to his parents about this. You did everything you could before hand becacuse you talked to them and they agreed to you getting this gift for him. I think you should talk to them and say that you noticed he isn't playing with it anymore and you were wondering if there is a problem. Something like that should at least get the doors open so you can have a discussion about it. Since you all live together, you don't want to turn this into a situation that will make it difficult for everyone to live together. But you certainly have a right to ask why your generous gift isn't even an option to play with. I hope that helps! Good luck!

Answer 5

Well, it was a nice gesture to get him something to play with. And you did the right thing asking the parents first. You need to communicate with them over this. Don't just let them rake you under the rug. Have you said anything or asked where the toy is? Tell them if they don't like it, to give it back to you and you can give it to someone else. I don't think you are being petty, I mean, 50 bucks is 50 bucks, right?
They could be a little more appreciative, but, at the same time, it is their kid. If they decided they don't like it, I think they are being petty, but it is their final decision. Don't take is so personal either. I know you did it for the kid, and you care about him, but like I said, if they tell you they don't want it, take it back and give it to someone else.

Answer 6

well as hard as it may be to confront the parents, you can really only ask them if they decided it was not a good gift after all and if so why did they not tell you? Let them know that you are a little offended by this and that you had spent a good amount of money on it and had seen him play with it eagerly. Try to be understanding but let them know why you felt offended by their actions. Hope all is well in the end. Take care.

Answer 7

For me i kept away the playmates from my daughter cos i find that's its very difficult to manage cos gotta clean especially nowadays so many HFMD.
So at the time when she agree buying the play mat she might be like alot of parents including me thinking that its easy to maintain after purchasing and find it difficult to maintain especially children's hygiene. so what we do is keep it.....imagine removing everything and cleaning each and every corner of a piece....
maybe she did not tell you cos she doesn't want to upset you...and she kept it quietly
sorry if i offended you...
you purchase a gift for them and how they use it is up to them...and as for cleaning of the play mats is they who are cleaning not you....you gotta understand the difficulty ....
if you are still unsatified then you just ask her nicely and maybe she can give you an answer so that the both of you can live in harmony...maybe just some communication breakdown...

Answer 8

I think you should tell them you've had it with the disrespect and move out. Though, that probably isn't a logical solution. Is it your sister? You ought to bring it up at a time when tensions are low and explain how you feel...maybe ask that they are honest with you when you ask about things like what you should get for their son. Let them know that you feel a little betrayed at how they handled the situation.

Answer 9

What I would do is just casually bring it up and ask them "if he doesn't play with it anymore I have a friend that could use it" and then just save it for someone else, or donate it to a preschool or goodwill. (You can also deduct it on your taxes next year if you want) Don't be mad at them. Just see if you can give it to someone who will actually use it so it doesn't go to waste.

Answer 10

it can't hurt to ask but as a parent i put my daughter's abc123 play puzzle thing away because i hated haveing to clean it up 5 times a day and she would bite the pieces and try to tear them.. offer to play with him and the mat and be willing to clean it up tooo maybe she'll keep it out more..