I have been clean from drugs for 2 yrs, my sister has taken care of my daughter, now my daughter is back home with me and is boy crazy, I caught her necking heavily on my couch, and she has been sneaking my cigarettes, has gotten bold enough to light up in front of me. I have been patience so far but a wearing thin. I have given her alot of love and attention, she does not want my boyfriend around me, and nothing I do for her seems to be enough. I gave her my cell phone and buy minutes for her, I have bought her summer clothes and try to do things with her. Her attitude stinks and nothing I do satisfys her. My life has changed for the better through the grace of God, but I have no idea what I am doing wrong to have her treat me badly. I have told her I cannot erase the past but she sees that I am clean and have changed for the better.What am I doing wrong. She has her own room with a new daybed, her own T.V and c.d. player.Am I giving to much or not enough? Mother in turmoil.
2006-06-12 02:18:21 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
your right no matter what you do you cant change the past but you can show her a better future! i know from experience what she is going through my mom was so bad on drugs she was so blind that when my dad hit me and my sisters she didnt beleive us until he hit her. then we moved and she got another boyfriend and she was still doing drugs she started ignoring us didnt care where we was if we ate or not or anything we done so me and my two sisters started doing drugs and smoking and drinking thinking she would say something but she never did. every day after school we had watched the cops bust in our door and take my mom to jail and she still did drugs when she got out untill she went to prison when i was 12 and she got out when i was 14, it might not have been that long but for someones kids it feels like an eternity, she was clean for about a year and i went to see her one time and didnt go back untill i was 15 when i moved in with her because my adopted mom hit me and threw me into her car just because i went with one of our family friends to get a movie and didnt tell her i was going with her, she was clean for a while until i started babysitting and we moved into an apartment she started doing speed and stoped paying any attention to me anymore but after the first time i knew better then do something stupid so i hid she was doing it and did every thing around the house plus watched a 5 year old before and after school and going to school and staying out of trouble until she kicked me out because my sister told her i was sleeping around when i wasnt! but to tell you i am 16 and back with my mom and she is doing a little better. what i am trying to tell you is no matter what your daughter goes through she will come around and realize that she is doing wrong and she is not going anywhere doing drugs because there is more people that has went though rougher times than she has and they have opened their eyes to realize their lives are not as bad as they think. just give her some time and help her by talking to her and ask her what her problem is but dont rush things. if that dont work show her pictures off the internet or where ever you can get them of people who do drugs and people whose lives have been messed up by drugs, but what ever you do dont make her quite forcing her to quite is only going ot make her want to do it more, its what i had to do to my mom the last time and i am still working on getting her to quite completely it takes time but it works! good luck
2006-06-12 06:08:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I feel for you....
I have 4 Grown up daughters and all of them went through that stage, it's horrendous, but all you really can do is instill you beliefs and guide them on the right track. Really she is just finding herself and trying to be an adult, even tho she is still a child,just remember yourself at her age. If you teach her right from wrong, all you can hope for is that she will listen eventually. There is nothing you can do about the smoking if that's what she wants to do, but throwing a couple of glossy photos around the house of clogged arteries and black lungs might help. Get some condoms and give them to her if you think she is having sex. I have 4 great friends now and beautiful daughters that love me as much as I love them. Love her and let her know she is hurting you, be brave.
Good Luck
2006-06-12 02:36:01 · answer #2 · answered by lyndell v 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im a mom of a 2 and 1/2 yr. old, but, I think you ARE giving her too much to buy her love and forgiveness for something you were in the past and arent anymore; she wants to make you hurt the way she couldnt when she lived with your sister, to pay you back for all the pain you caused, maybe she felt unloved, and felt like she drove you to do what you did, and to give her to your sister, but, stop letting her pay you back now! this is supposed to be a new start, for you both, she was given to your sister in her best interests, and now she is with you for the same reasons, but, you dont have to subject yourself to your daughters' rebellious actions, you need to take control now, b/c if you dont, then you could be a young grandmother, or your daughter could end up in a worse situation; like get a fatal disease, something of that nature; I have 3 sisters, and Im the only one who has a child w/in wedlock, so, grab the reins of parenthood, and hold on! there's no book on child-rearing, though, I rely ob my Bible;New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures; @ Ephesians 6:2 it says that children should Honor their mother and father; and that is no matter WHO and WHAT they are, or have been; this isnt an easy situation, but, you have to be patient, long-suffering , and loving MORE so to your daughter, she doesnt understand the situation the way you do, and she doesnt know exactly how your addiction was 'more powerful than your love for her', ok?
2006-06-18 18:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by HoneyB 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you want to do with her ? Change her and shape her into the human being you think she should turn into..?
She sounds spoiled and has been " disconnected" from your Love and Authority for a long time. Sometimes, teens do things as a scream for attention and she's got yours.
Sit down and tell her there are rules in your house and be firm.
Also give her some slack and tell her what you Do Allow..
You have to stand your ground and take control, but you also have to realize that your expectations to have her Treat you like
" Mom " has to be earned..Respect begets Respect.
Hope this helps..
2006-06-12 02:54:50 · answer #4 · answered by MoMoney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If through the grace of God your life is changed for the better, I would suggest worshipping regularly with your child as well as get her engaged in the youth group. I too had a troubled son who is now 15 he failed the 8th grade, dressed in all black ( you get the picture). WE did family counseling, put him in a private school and got him engaged at church. He is doing much better, is happier! My heart goes out to you but all is not lost! I would suggest the above things and also get a good book on disciplining teens. You can do this! :)
2006-06-12 02:54:11 · answer #5 · answered by roberta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get involved in a church, and discuss these issues with a pastor. It is possible that this is the typical "teenage rebellion" but I wouldn't count on that. Lighting up in front of you if you have told her not to is pretty defiant. She may still harbor grudges against you for your past drug use. Andy buying her things isn't going to solve this. There are deeper issues here.
2006-06-12 02:22:33 · answer #6 · answered by lmnop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Material things she is taking for granted, you have supplied plenty. More than enough! Seems she is rebelling because of your situation perhaps with your boyfriend, why her disdain for him? Don't allow her to light up in front of you, quit buying minutes on the cell phone (that is giving her more freedom)-she is only 14 you need to earn respect from your parents to have such privileges.
2006-06-12 02:27:11 · answer #7 · answered by DollyLama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i believe the problem is that you are still feeling guilty for not being there for her in the past and it is interfering with what you should be doing now. dint get me wrong i know u feel u owe her for not being there but lets face it you re the parent and shes the child and boundaries have to set in order for things to work. of course i know you had to know tings were not gonna be easy and buying her gifts and things will not make up for ur absents in the past but in the same token you have to put your foot down and show her that you are ready to be the parent and that you will not tolerate her disrespect fullness in your house or in your presence. you need to sit her down and have a long talk with her..shes playing on your emotions because she knows you feel like you have slighted her...kids do that...you have to let her know that yes you have slighted her in the past and there is nothing you can do to bring that time she lost back to her but u are here now. but her a.s.s on punishment and if that doesn't work give her the old fashion punishment...whip her ***!! shell get the picture and shell see your not playing games with her and as far as your romantic life goes that's your business and no 14 year old should be predicting what you and ya man should be doing...get a back bone Mommy!!! stand your ground!
2006-06-12 02:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by dasure2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot buy her love and respect. If she smokes, then take away her tv or cell phone. Why does she need a cell anyway? She's not driving. Don't buy her anything else. Show her who is boss. Take away priveledges each time she messes up. And if you need to dump your boyfriend to reach your daughter, then you should really consider it. Your daughter should be more important than your guy.
don't listen to Shiny. Kids need parents for parents, not friends.
2006-06-12 02:36:37 · answer #9 · answered by april_hwth 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be blunt you have two things going against your situation.
First you haven't set a very good example.
Second you have a teenage girl entering the rebellious time in her live.
You need to gain her confidence and have calm talks about the situation. You can alienate her if you just start yelling.
2006-06-12 02:22:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋