how can i change my fiance's behaviour with me ?

Question

i m recently engaged and going to get married in dec.06, she is very good girl probably the best i can get, i love her very much but problem is that SHE IS VERY SHORT-TEMPRED, AND I M VERY COOL TYPE OF PERSON. IN LAST SIX MONTHS WE HAVE QUARELLED 4-5 TIMES OVER THE PHONE, WHEN SHE IS ANGRY SHE SAYS THE WORST THINGS ALTHOUH IT IS NOT INTENTIONAL, SHE FORGETS VERY NEXT DAY WHAT SHE SAID WHEN SHE WAS ANGRY. I WANT TO MAKE HER COOL PERSON, WHAT I SHOULD DO ?

SHE ALSO FEELS THAT SHE IS FULLY MATURED AND I M STILL LIKE A CHILD MEANS NOT MATURED.AND NATURE IS TOTALLY OPPOSITE AND SHE FEELS WHATEVER SHE SAYS I WILL ALWAYS OPPOSE HER, ALTOUGH WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND CAN NOT DEPART, I AM READY TO ADJUST, BUT SHE IS NOT

Answer 1

Sorry, but if you are looking to 'change' her, you should already start looking for a divorce lawyer. If she has anger issues, consider going into couples' therapy so that she can see how it affects you and will want to make the change on her own. You won't be able to force her and trying will just make her angrier.

Answer 2

It is not being realistic for either one of you to enter into an engagement expecting to change the other person. Most people only become more pronouncedly, what they already are, after marriage. If you are willing to accept her short tempered outbursts, which are going to be in person when you marry her and live in the same house with her, and forgive her and allow her to forget what she said when she was angry, without holding a grudge or resentment of any kind, then I would say she is a very lucky girl to get you. But I am concerned about how you will be feeling, when you are not able to get away from her short-tempered behavior and expressions when you are living face-to-face under the same roof. If it is annoying you now, just think how it may be later. Unless she can begin to conciously, deal with the causes and control her short-tempered telephone outbursts, and understand the aggravation they are causing you, they could become a serious source of marital strife by December 12. Talk it over. Best wishes.

Answer 3

If she thinks YOU are immature, the joke is on her. Toddlers throw tempertantrums, not adults preparing to get married. It sounds like she still has some issues to work out in her head. You need to sit and talk with her about this. If she gets angry something is seriously wrong and you might think of postponing the wedding till you guys can work this out. Chances are pretty great that she thinks something in you needs to change as well.
Realize she is a woman and our species has a lot more emotional chaos in our heads. That doesn't give her an excuse to yell, but try to remember that she will probably always react more harshly and shortly then you will. Its just who she is and how she is programmed

Remember though, this is exactly what engagements are for. Finding out these quirks and working through them as a couple before the wedding. Be patient and remind your fiance to return you the same kindness before you start discussion.

Answer 4

Don't ever think that you can change someone, just ask yourself one question... is this the way I want to live the rest of my life? If the answer is yes than all the power to ya, if the answer is no than get out now before you waste any more of your or her time, as for her being the best you could probably get, have some faith in yourself and demand better, you are a good person and will find the PERFECT someone when the time is right.

Answer 5

1. Never want to change a person. Either accept who they are or let them go.

2. If you think that the best person you will ever be able to get is someone who says hurtful things and then then next day conveniently forgets everything that she said, then you need to get more confidence in yourself.

I would make a list of the things you are looking for in a life long mate and see if she fits the bill. Don't base that list on qualities she has, but things you want.

Answer 6

You can't change anyone, unless their in diapers. Sit down and make to list #1:.What are things you love about her and #2 what do you dislike? and see which list is the longest. If your love list is longer, well you probably can over look her short comings. If its list #2 maybe you should rethink the thought of marring her. Good Luck

Answer 7

You should never go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. What you can do is ask her to take some couples counseling before you get married to try and work out the differences. Best of luck to you both!!

Answer 8

Don't think you can change that, dear. This is usually a woman's mistake, thinking that they will marry and then change the person, but I guess that guys do it too. You need to step back and reconsider if the argument seems excessive to you.

4-5 times quarreling, though? You should talk to my husband - he'd be happy if that's all we fought in six months. :)

Answer 9

For starters quit yelling... it's very annoying. Secondly act more mature, and thirdly she doesn't sound all that mature either... why don't you put off getting married at least until you've learned to get along. If you continue this behavior into marriage you'll both be miserable... even more so than you sound now.

Answer 10

YOU can not change her, only she can do that. Anger management classes might help if she would agree to go. If she does not, you need to make a choice. Either accept her the way she is or break it off. Personally, I would not stay with someone who is verbally abusive when angry. There are better ways to deal with problems.